Monday, July 11, 2011

All or Nothing

Firstly I must apologise for not writing anymore. This is mainly because I’m a), finding myself coming back from work and lapsing into a lonely coma, – actually, there’s no b). That’s it. I simply go home and lock the door. If I do manage any writing, it’s for my shit novel I’m kidding myself is still in me.
There’s an added excuse I suppose, that this anonymous blog’s something of a non-anonymous joke between my friends as they all know about it, as do their wives and girlfriends, their families, neighbours, gynaecologists, and other random nouns. As a result I can no longer repeat anything here as the likelihood that I’ll offend or libel someone is enormous, thus I can only mention for example the Camden barbecue I went to last week where everyone was lovely, and I drew no conclusions from the fabulous trendy aloof young people in attendance. I was also kicked in the ribs by a statuesque blonde from upstate New York, a beating I totally deserved as I’d been arguing that “cunt” was acceptable in polite conversation, and is in the UK not just an extremely horrific and unpleasant slur against women, but a fun word bandied about by scum.

All the women I’d been talking to later walked off without so much as a wave (which I thought was fine), and I was thrilled to discover the Mexican girl I’d been chatting to minutes later having her tonsils examined by some young bland EuroFuck’s tongue in the adjoining kitchen.
The whole evening ended with Camden’s Saturday night detritus giving me a wide berth as I staggered home swigging from an enormous bottle of Malibu and smelling of steak – thus the only person I’m maligning here is me; the end.

I’ve also seen Monkey Dave when he was in London with his missus, and was delighted to have her confirm that she knew all about my prostitution altercation when I visited them in Bangkok last year (nothing will make me stop linking to that story).
Apparently she’d read my blog as I’d been using her laptop at the time. She’d simply viewed her website history I thought I’d deleted.

So basically I’d be writing daily if it wasn’t for my friends’ partners. That’s all I’m saying.

Anyway, all or nothing. For the remaining couple of months in this godforsaken summer of indifference, I’ve decided to finally quit my job, go on a diet, and complete this hellish fucking second draft of a so-called novel. That’s the bland point of this post in a blog that used to be okay once.
So a colleague left a couple of weeks ago which was something of a shock. When he was appointed I made a mental note to quit so he could go up a rung and do my job and I wouldn’t feel guilty (we’re a very small company and they’re like a kind of family – of sorts). I then promptly did nothing about it, and then he went and resigned ahead of me.
So naturally, I asked for more money. I earn a pretty pathetic wage, and it’s been 18 months since my last raise. With one less employee to pay, who’d begrudge me a couple of points on my pay packet?
My boss, it transpires.
I was pretty shocked by this, as my direct boss (the boss boss’s son) seemed strangely eager to give me more money when I asked, although he did give himself the get-out of giving Dad the final say.
So with the final say being, ‘Not for at least 3 months’, I’m leaving. I retouched my CV for the first time in years last night, and applied for 3 jobs that looked moderately ‘myeh

I’m going back on a diet. I’m a shade off 16 stone again, which is where I was this time last year before I went on a diet and dipped down to the 14 stone zone.
So blah, blah, blah, blah, WHATEVER.

Stupid fucking thing. It’s existed in one form or another for about 10 years, and the 1st draft I’d shat out in 2009 was utterly awful.
This one is being squeaked out at a rate that can only be measured via carbon dating, but I somehow hope to have a far superior 2nd draft vomited forth by the autumn. It’s also the main reason why I’ve barely been blogging as all my time has been going on this.
It’s still an almighty work in progress, but maybe something will see the light of day soon and now I’m boring myself... 

Needless to say,. I've got a lot on my plate. I will be blogging, but please bear with me. 

Oh, and I tweet at least once a day to bitch about something inane so CLICK ME HERE to feel like you're a better person than me. 

Good day, sir.


Z said...

Well you see, I held off from Facebook and Twitter for ages, and finally succumbed to FB to play Scrabble, because - oh hell, because someone offered me a game and I'm really easily led. And things led to things and now I use Google+ as well. So, have I time for Twitter too? Not really. Because I'm so dutiful, if I get an account, I'll use it.

Z said...

Oh, that was all about me. Sorry. You're still getting invitations to social events, that has to be a good thing.

daisyfae said...

i've had some messy-ish things occur after allowing 'real world' and 'blog world' to collide.

i'm tryin REALLY hard not to give a fuck, but it does affect what i write. good thing i'm too lazy to start a new blog...

looby said...

Takes the fun out of it a bit when too many people start reading it.

Anonymous said...

five years of my life spent reading this shite from you, thats FIVE fuggin years man. and you think your desperate. grrrr

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...


Fwenge: BLOG MORE.

Solving problems wherever I go, just call me Superted.

fwengebola said...

Z ~ Any and all of them, they're all a waste of time, although I'd argue that Twitter is strangely addictive and a good source of information. Mostly crap though. And yes, I suppose it's nice to be thought of. Thanks.
df ~ It's a shame you can't share. I've got LOADS OF STORIES, all gossip, and no way of mentioning them.
loob ~ I knew people I knew knew about this, but now I think it's virtually everyone. Game over. Almost.
Anon ~ Wait til the book comes out - and it will (theoretically). You think this blog is bad? The book is awful
PDEWYMO ~ Ugh. I will try.

Anonymous said...

to be fair're blog is priddy good, as ais your good self:)

Quote said...

I read, "Firstly I must apologise for not writing anymore. This is mainly because I’m a), finding myself" also, I found the typo.

See you soon.

digressica said...

HAHA. I would love it if Fweng wrote a blog post about 'finding himself'. That would be fucking great.

digressica said...

Also, you might as well keep writing about people. If they're going to nose into your blog, it's their own fault if they find something that upsets them. That's my philosophy. But I am morally barren, so your mileage may vary.

fwengebola said...

Anon ~ I'm always amazed when people are nice about this blog, thank you. Then again I have low self esteem as I was beaten mercilessly and spat at as a child.
Thanks, family*
(* That didn't happen)
Quote ~ Ugh, there's a typo? Now I feel like filth
And yes, I'm always finding myself. I'm normally masturbating, with a bad back*
(*Not true)
Dig ~ Shirley the whole blog is in a sense a journey of discovery etc etc etc? I can't write about others. I've got some GREAT goss but sadly they'll read it and I'll, y'know, destroy friendships etc

Redbookish said...

Well I don't know you IRL, and I think this blog is terrific. It's hilarious!

fwengebola said...

You are far too kind. It's comments like that that make me happy. Stoppit! (thanks)

luna said...

Strangely i've been using the c word on a daily basis recently, but not in connection to women, oddly enough.
They get the b word instead.

i used to shy away from swearing even in my head, but this city has so coarsened my sweet nature i now eff and curse my way through life like a vauxhall market leeks and onions peddler.

it's too late for you to change jobs, unless you emigrate.
count yourself lucky about the payrise.A mummy's flat and a payrise, alas compared to some you're in clover.

fwengebola said...

You can say 'bitch'. You don't have to render it 'the B word'.

I can count myself lucky about not getting a pa.. oh, I see. I still have a job. And a Mummy's flat, apparently. Well thanks.