Monday, July 11, 2011

All or Nothing

Firstly I must apologise for not writing anymore. This is mainly because I’m a), finding myself coming back from work and lapsing into a lonely coma, – actually, there’s no b). That’s it. I simply go home and lock the door. If I do manage any writing, it’s for my shit novel I’m kidding myself is still in me.
There’s an added excuse I suppose, that this anonymous blog’s something of a non-anonymous joke between my friends as they all know about it, as do their wives and girlfriends, their families, neighbours, gynaecologists, and other random nouns. As a result I can no longer repeat anything here as the likelihood that I’ll offend or libel someone is enormous, thus I can only mention for example the Camden barbecue I went to last week where everyone was lovely, and I drew no conclusions from the fabulous trendy aloof young people in attendance. I was also kicked in the ribs by a statuesque blonde from upstate New York, a beating I totally deserved as I’d been arguing that “cunt” was acceptable in polite conversation, and is in the UK not just an extremely horrific and unpleasant slur against women, but a fun word bandied about by scum.

All the women I’d been talking to later walked off without so much as a wave (which I thought was fine), and I was thrilled to discover the Mexican girl I’d been chatting to minutes later having her tonsils examined by some young bland EuroFuck’s tongue in the adjoining kitchen.
The whole evening ended with Camden’s Saturday night detritus giving me a wide berth as I staggered home swigging from an enormous bottle of Malibu and smelling of steak – thus the only person I’m maligning here is me; the end.

I’ve also seen Monkey Dave when he was in London with his missus, and was delighted to have her confirm that she knew all about my prostitution altercation when I visited them in Bangkok last year (nothing will make me stop linking to that story).
Apparently she’d read my blog as I’d been using her laptop at the time. She’d simply viewed her website history I thought I’d deleted.

So basically I’d be writing daily if it wasn’t for my friends’ partners. That’s all I’m saying.

Anyway, all or nothing. For the remaining couple of months in this godforsaken summer of indifference, I’ve decided to finally quit my job, go on a diet, and complete this hellish fucking second draft of a so-called novel. That’s the bland point of this post in a blog that used to be okay once.
So a colleague left a couple of weeks ago which was something of a shock. When he was appointed I made a mental note to quit so he could go up a rung and do my job and I wouldn’t feel guilty (we’re a very small company and they’re like a kind of family – of sorts). I then promptly did nothing about it, and then he went and resigned ahead of me.
So naturally, I asked for more money. I earn a pretty pathetic wage, and it’s been 18 months since my last raise. With one less employee to pay, who’d begrudge me a couple of points on my pay packet?
My boss, it transpires.
I was pretty shocked by this, as my direct boss (the boss boss’s son) seemed strangely eager to give me more money when I asked, although he did give himself the get-out of giving Dad the final say.
So with the final say being, ‘Not for at least 3 months’, I’m leaving. I retouched my CV for the first time in years last night, and applied for 3 jobs that looked moderately ‘myeh

I’m going back on a diet. I’m a shade off 16 stone again, which is where I was this time last year before I went on a diet and dipped down to the 14 stone zone.
So blah, blah, blah, blah, WHATEVER.

Stupid fucking thing. It’s existed in one form or another for about 10 years, and the 1st draft I’d shat out in 2009 was utterly awful.
This one is being squeaked out at a rate that can only be measured via carbon dating, but I somehow hope to have a far superior 2nd draft vomited forth by the autumn. It’s also the main reason why I’ve barely been blogging as all my time has been going on this.
It’s still an almighty work in progress, but maybe something will see the light of day soon and now I’m boring myself... 

Needless to say,. I've got a lot on my plate. I will be blogging, but please bear with me. 

Oh, and I tweet at least once a day to bitch about something inane so CLICK ME HERE to feel like you're a better person than me. 

Good day, sir.