Thursday, January 20, 2011

No More Mr Nice Guy

It has taken me quite a while to traverse happy go lucky fat teenager, to sincerely embittered and disappointed fat adult; Twenty years, if I have to put a figure on it.

Back then, I had my whole life in front of me. Yes, if you're being pedantic, I still do - but I don't like what's left.
Back then, I was quite the romantic. I believed in love, and fate, and The One™ (granted, the overwhelmingly unfussy yet phenomenally attractive One).
I was spiritual too, with this vague sense that if there wasn't a God out there, then there had to be some kind of lifeforce, an energy of some wishywashy, un-thought-out kind that guided us, led us, helped us to become better people and attain our dreams to boot.


There's no god. There's no nuthin'. There's us, the human being, an animal no different to a lion (barring fangs and hair 'n shit), living in our lion apartments and driving our lion cars with our lion rules and lion telly ~ Everything's random, nothing's bequeathed to us.

Basically, I'm mad about this car that I (ALLEGEDLY) scratched last month...

The scratch in question is a tiny white mark on the wheel arch. It was (ALLEGEDLY) caused after I'd used our work van to help a friend's cousin move house. I was seconds into driving home when I encountered the sports car blocking my path. He moved gingerly out of the way and left me next to fuck all to get past. I neither saw nor heard any collision, and when the driver stopped me, we couldn't see any scratch until the next day. I offered on the spot, much to my chagrin and with no admission of guilt to pay £20-£30 to get it polished out when it transpired the quote would be more like £200. It took two more weeks before I accepted, miserably, to pay that fucking figure, again with no admission of guilt - not that that makes any difference when I'm coughing up anyway.

And tonight, I received the official quote from the driver's two manufacturer approved garages; one for £1,200, and one for £1,800. Now take another look at that picture.

I am actually beyond furious. I mean that. I have gone from last week's plain furious at the thought of having to pay £200 for something I a) wasn't aware I even did whilst b) helping out a friend, and traversed through the anger to a kind of livid zen, where I'm calmly enraged beyond belief.

So, with an absurd four figure bill to pay for a tiny scratch on a wealthy man's vanity car, the walls have come down. I've had enough, and it's no more Mr Nice Guy.

I had a reputation as a man who'd never say No to a friend in need, even if it put me out. I even had a reputation as a man who'd never say no to almost anyone. I still believe in little acts of kindness, but if there's going to be a shady area where my now precious comfort zone will be put out in any way, it's tough shit, I'm afraid. No ifs or buts, I'm done doing favours for anyone.

Sadly, a very close friend recently asked for a place to stay for a couple of weeks.

And I said No.

- and if you're reading this, I truly hope you understand. This is NOT personal in a million years, but I can't have my small living space - my sanctuary - turned into a bedroom. Last month I would've accepted, no problem, bouyed by helping out a mate but the mate in me has died, killed by a man in a pricey new car who couldn't care less that he put himself in the path of a man helping his friend out. All he cares about, rightly, is a thumbnail-sized scratch he caused, thanks to vastly reducing the amount of space I had to get by. But the bottom line is that I'm liable, I'll have to foot the bill, or at least pass this on to my work's insurers where my boss - trust me - will insist I foot the bill anyway.

Either way, this is a fucking expensive and totally unfair thank you for helping a friend out. Karma my motherfucking pale pink arse.

So one or two days sleeping on my couch, yes - of course I'll help you out - but that's it, and for anyone else needing a van, or a pair of arms, or some cash, forget it. From now on, the only person who's getting my 100% undivided love, care and attention, is me.


Dandelion said...

I believe you should email the link to this post to Mr Porsche. If you don't, I will. People should know.

Anonymous said...

Livid Zen - class. Right on - join the middle aged give a fuckness x

WV eyesic

Anonymous said...

That is never £1,200 - £1,800 of damage. A reasonable bodyshop would be £250 max.

He's taking the piss, end of.

I'd tell him to fuck off, and come after you for it through insurance if necessary - they'll never settle it that high.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Perp. Except I wouldn't say "fuck off", just "er, well I'm not paying that."

Jeez, if a bloke has that much money that he has a Porsche, why the need to ruin someone else's life? Why can't he just be happy with his lot?

Z said...

If I see the car parked on the street, I will keep my key in my hand, sticking out, as I walk past.

Huw said...

I'm usually slow to offer you any sort of support, but I am struggling to see how, if two vehicles (one moving) came into contact, the damage could be that small? Surely there should be some length to the damage, where the van has grinded along it? Rear well arch reeks of loose stone damage to me.

Elsewhere, I was under the impression you already were devoting "100% undivided love" to yourself? (wanking joke)

roadkill said...

Fweng, it would be a bloody pity if Mr Porsche were to succeed in killing the mate in you. Rise above this dungheap dweller. You're much better than him. Calm down, consult a decent lawyer (who will charge you a lot less than 1.200) and send this crook and his garage(s)to hell. Porscheman is likely to back down as soon as he senses any organised form of resistance.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

What they said. Don't take this shit maaaaan. There's no way that damage was done by you creeping past in a van. I know Porsche garages charge an arm and a leg for repairs...but he's definitely gone for a top top high end estimate there. What bollocks.

luna said...

Are you twisted insane??What kind of logic is that?
Some trader twat/asshole tries it on with you and you take it out on your FRIENDS??After giving in to this little shit so he can keep his vulgar porsche toy pristine ?

Tell him to take you to court.He'll never win anything.Besides, what scratch?There's no scratch.Did anyone who looked at the pic saw a scratch? All i can see is lovely moody clouds.The scratch is all in his sick imagination,that's what.

Z I LOVE YOU !!!!!

i am not your freud said...

i agree with luna, don't punish your friends because of some twat.

Anonymous said...

Fweng! you are entitled to get a quote also you know. Please please please don't pay him that money. Take the photo to a repairers yourself to get another estimate.


Linda J

looby said...

Yep - totally agreee with all the above. The No More Mr Nice Guy can start right now, by contesting this absurd bill.

A friend of mine, who works really hard at what he does and earns sfa out of it (really, to the extent where he has to claim benefits etc.) asked me last year if he could stay with me for a few weeks. I had acres of space then, two bedrooms going spare, and I said no, and told him that I just like having my own place too much.

I felt quite guilty for a while, but so relieved aftertwards.

heybartender said...

What they said. Fuck the guy. No police report = no accident, at least here in the States. Tell him to come after you if he wants. He'll never get a judge to side with him.
Also, glad that Z and I share the same sense of justice.

fwengebola said...

Dand ~ That might not be the brightest of ideas, particularly as I've been slightly disparaging and this is still unresolved.
Anon ~ Give a fuck to not give a fuck? 'Cos I'm kinda with you on that one.
Perp ~ It is going through insurance, all top-end manufacturer's quotes, and as-of-yet unresolved. Will have to see what transpires.
Soup ~ Unfortunately this whole affair can be neatly summed up under 'shit happens', with the irritating addendum: 'quite a lot to me'.
Z ~ I am shocked and outraged at your behaviour (and no you wouldn't :P)
Huw ~ Sexually I should lavish more attention on my right hand, that is true.
And yes, the mark is tiny. I can't quite work it out myself, but I am content with the thought that it's not actually bigger.
RK ~ Regrettably this whole thing isn't going to help my financial situation by getting a lawyer involved, and ultimately decisions have to lean towards scenarios that will cost me the least. The facts on the ground don't help me in the slightest.
Jo ~ £200 quote from NormalPaintchipRepairs can legitimately be increased 8 or 10 times just by going to a Porsche approved garage, sadly. The job will be exactly the same. The only difference is a top-end brand fleecing their customers even more.

Luna ~ Okay, firstly, your comment, 'Tell him to take you to court; he'll never win', is a perfect example of opinions being like arseholes - everyone's got one. And while I like your opinion, I will have fuckin' COURT looming over me, and the actual, real possibility that he will actually win, and oh look! The costs have gone from 'fucking insane', to 'Actually, that's so high it's funny. Hahahahaha!'
Secondly, I am done doing favours for anyone. My average favour doing to favour asking is around the 8:1 ratio. Plus it's about time I started saying No more often. Let's see where that gets me, if Yes gets me buttfucked.
IANYsqueak ~ It's not a punishment for anyone, it's a 'No, sorry'. Christ, I hear that enough times. I can handle it.
Linda ~ Hi Linda, I have looked into that and we are letting this ride out. It doesn't matter now if his quote is a tenner or 10 grand. Out premium will only increase by the same amount anyway.
Loob ~ Ha! I'd actually argue in your instance that you could've easily managed it. That said, and this is something I never consider, you're not obliged to.
HB ~ Wow, every accident must have a police report? Jesus, those people must be rushed off their feet. As far as I know it's not a requirement, but I'm pretty sure it's 'illegal' not to report an accident to your respective insurers.

Z said...

No. You're right. I wouldn't do it.

You my grandfather or something?

McTodd said...

£1200 to £1800 for a fucking paint job?!??! You could have the cunt killed for that, and it would a fuck of a lot more satisfying.

For £250 you could probably have the shit kicked out of him.

fwengebola said...

Z ~ Violence acheives nothing, said the Buddha (probably).
McT ~ I wonder what the going rate is for hired fists? But I wouldn't do that. He's not a bad guy, although this isn't resolved yet.