Wednesday, October 13, 2010

TWAT

So once again on my mission to save myself a few bob, I've gone and put myself in a rather difficult position; the middle of The Unknown.

In this case, the unknown is Muscat, even if I do know that it's the capital of Oman.
But then Oman is pretty unknown, so I'm back to square one.
i.e: Muscat.

I was quite proud in those Thailand Booking days of yore (July) to have found a return ticket for under £400. This meant a stop-over in aforementioned Oman for a mere 12 hours. (10 fewer and I wouldn't have bothered leaving the airport).

Except it doesn't help that my parents are racists with over-active imaginations.

Nor does it help that I am too.

My Dad called last night to check that I didn't have any Israeli stamps in my passport - Not for 14 years Dad, no.
Mum called last week to tell me, basically, not to walk through, talk to, or physically do anything, what with me being a) Western and b) all Jewey and everything, as I'd almost certainly be kidnapped and beheaded by Al-Qaeda (she reads the Daily Mail).

So I promised her I'd forgo the bus and gentle ambling through bustling souks and take a guided tour with a group instead.

Except I looked, I can't find (a cheap) one I like, so I'll be taking that bus followed by a wander around a tiny bit of the Middle East on my own for half a day.

Apparently I'm 36.

Oh, and if I don't get kidnapped and beheaded by Al-Qaeda - which thanks to a slow-burning paranoia I'm now convinced that at the very least I'll be surrounded by an army of Al-Qaeda sympathisers - my body's reacted to the stress of these preparations, plus the stress of being two men down at work (again), whilst trying to clear my desk by tomorrow night;

* Thus my facial skin has gone all teenage. The bridge of my nose has filled with a marmite jars-worth of pus, held in place by a thin layer of angry red skin. So the best way to clear that up will be sweating profusely under a 40 degree Arabian sun.
* I have a blood blister under my foul ginger beard.
* And my skin is peeling - despite the lack of sun (or sunburn) for at least a month.

Oh, and I still haven't packed.

But come Saturday, I will be in Thailand, the land of smiles, with Monkey Dave and several thousand hookers - that I'm promising not to sleep with.

I think.

I still don't know*

(*It'll probably be a 'no', but never discount my being drunk, and them being overly keen, and born a man)

6 comments:

daisyfae said...

ginger beard? honey, you can EASILY pass as a wayward Canadian schoolboy. it'll be fine... enjoy the holiday and adventure!

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Haha, don't worry. Two of my mates took a road trip through Oman a year or so ago.

One of them is ginger AND a woman, and still came back saying it's one of the friendliest places she's ever been, and that's including the bloke who tried to get off with her in a tent in the desert, so I'm sure you'll be fine.

Have fun. Don't get herpes.

Anonymous said...

'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave it large and ditch the J neurosis.

Dare ya x

Z said...

I had a stopover at Oman airport a few years ago and it was very pleasant. There were few, if any, announcements, someone came and politely told you when your flight was being called. I'd very happily spend 12 hours in Muscat. As long as you don't shout out inappropriate anti-Arab slogans in the street, I don't see why you should have any trouble at all.

I hope you have a great holiday.

luna said...

My ex went to Oman 10 years ago and he loved it, the people are very friendly albeit very poor in the countryside.

The only thing after murder are the water snakes,v.dangerous so don't touch anything suspicious floating in the sea...

it's a teetotal country so good for your annual detox.

fwengebola said...

Wow, the ironic foresight of that very last line of mine. Anyway...
df ~ Oh god, to Canadian schoolboys have to have ginger beards or something??
PDEWYMO ~ Yes, people were friendly, and actually took no for an answer when hassling me in the souk. I wish I had more time to explore it.
(And I'll let you know about the herpes in due course :(
Anon ~ What J neurosis? What do you mean by that (etc)
Z ~ Oh yes, you're right now I think about it. There were people wandering around Duty Free announcing flight take-offs, despite there being a PA system.
Wait, was there a PA system? Jesus, I can't remember.
Luna ~ My actual foray turned out to be brief. I wish now I had more time.
Make that loads of money, and more time.