Thursday, October 07, 2010

Thai-m Flies

Six months have already flown, half a year spent living alone in my cosy bachelor prison pad.

I'm very accustomed to living the solitary life with fantastic company (me), www.xvideos.com (NSFW) and as much illegally downloaded Offices (Offii?) and Mad Men as I can cope with. In fact, as the nights draw in and autumn takes hold, I'm eating comfort shit with petrifying regularity and going to bed later than ever.

(I lost over a stone. Now I'm going to see how quickly I can put it back)

The net result is that I'm almost psychopathically grumpy at work. I get the feeling my colleagues want me dead - particularly, for some reason, the guy I tried to get sacked. (His disciplinary didn't get him fired but did stop him taking the piss and telling me to go fuck myself anymore, so that was nice.)

And that's it. I have nothing else to say. I've spent a month since my last post juggling day salads with night Doritos, wasting all those daylight hours at my fucking day job, and drinking whiskey at home because Don Draper does it.

In fact so pleasantly boring busy has my life been that I can barely conceive heading over to see Monkey Dave in Thailand in just 7 days - and perhaps finally having sex.

But not with Monkey Dave.

With a prostitute.

Or three.

I did make the mistake however of telling my mate Danny, liberal Danny, liberal, left-leaning, 'Everybody's-Equal, Fair-Crack-Of-The-Socialised-Whip' Danny that, bearing in mind my sexual drought of biblical proportions I was thinking about having sex with several Thai prostitutes, he got all holier-than-thou about it, reminding me that they're "exploited human beings" n' shit, and further ruined everything by sending me THIS miserable link.

Oh, and I found all four of my schoolboy diaries in my Mum's garage, so I shredded them. They were a) childish, and b) depressing; "In maths, I got bored. Economics was boring too. Then XXX punched me for no reason. I had chips for lunch".

So that's that. I will be on holiday soon, so I may well have a lot to say over the coming few weeks - for a change. Stay tuned for that. It'll be great.

... And I'm speaking to my American ex-girlfriend again. I'm terribly, terribly lonely. Insults below, please.

14 comments:

Dandelion said...

Hooray for you, fweng.

I do think you need to re-think the attitude re. prostitutes though. Monetary coercion precludes free consent, and we all know how important consent is in sex, right?

Z said...

Dear Fweng, I'm not going to insult you. You might think I meant it.

I hope you have a great holiday. Sounds as though you can do with one.

daisyfae said...

treat the sex workers with kindness and tip them well... and try to make sure they're over 18. and female (the thai ladyboys are rather gorgeous!)

theperpetualspiral said...

I think as a service to your blog readers, you should only be sleeping with Thai ladyboys. That'll really screw you up ;)

Enjoy your break, I dare say that you need it.

HC said...

Thai prostitutes are 10% skin, 10% bones and 80% other men's spooge. And you pay them?

looby said...

Your loneliness plus a Third World girl's poverty. Not a fantastic match. Hope you enjoy the rest of the time though.

The captcha for this comment seems appropriate: "spent"

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Sod the prostitutes, it's the American Ex who'll give you a nasty bug.

Sarsparilla said...

Interesting how if you get yourself a Thai girlfriend it's meant to be morally more acceptable than the more brutish transaction.
Bet you go to a sex show then pass out. Enjoy.

digressica said...

I totally agree with your friend Danny, and to anyone who's commented so far making jokes or encouraging you to see a prostitute in a developing country (in *any* country), you clearly have no grasp of how serious an issue this is. Please don't see a prostitute. No matter how acceptable you or anyone else may think it is to pay someone for sex in a developing country, it's impossible to tell if a girl you're paying to have sex with is doing it willingly, by financial coercion or has been illegally trafficked and beaten into some level of submission/acceptance. It bears repeating: please don't have sex with a prostitute. You can do better.

fwengebola said...

Dand ~ I did say "thinking about", as in the same context that I think about slamming the phone down on our customers.
Although I did do that today.
Z ~ SqueeeeeeeeThank you on both counts.
Df ~ Yes, I've been before. Fascinating creatures; plays tricks on a man's mind.
Perp ~ I'mnotgoingtohavesexwithladyboys. But thanks for the heads up.
HC ~ Well I don't. Not right now anyway. But I'm still theorising.
Looby ~ No, I know, it's all rather awkward. Which is why I'm still mulling it over.
PDEWYMO ~ Yes, it's all pointless. Just when I think she's being nice - oh why do I even bother.
Sasp ~ I still think a Thai girlfriend is somehow chickening out from Real Life as they're generally more keen. I've always had to fight to get laid.
(Metaphorically).
Dig ~ I was only thinking about it, and the only reason I'm mulling it over (bar the obvious desperation on my part) is that having been to Thailand before, it seems the most normal thing in the world - (bar the exchange of money).
I'm not condoning any of this, but if there was any coercing on my part, or if I felt in any way as if the lady in question was reluctant or upset or miserable, there's no way on earth I'd ever do anything in a million years.
All I'm saying is that it feels almost normal for a non-coerced seeming girl to walk over and sit on your lap whilst rubbing you and demanding sex for a fee.
It's very very very odd and, as I say, if there's anyone being manipulated, it feels like the men.

But all your points are valid and I really don't think I'll be doing anything except cry.
A lot.

Dandelion said...

Monetary coercion is still coercion. Even if they're asking for it. I'm sure that you know this.

fwengebola said...

So the act of doing something for money is in and of itself, coercion.
Who's the coerced here?
Seriously. I haven't a clue.

Anonymous said...

Sell out Fweng and let some gas off. We all need money...

W.V foreard

luna said...

rewinding things with the yankee ex?AGAIN?You have reached your romantic nadir.
For the umpteenth time.

@PDEWYMO
She already has (given him a bug).She's his personal Bug Bear.