Thursday, October 21, 2010

I've Just Had Sex With A Prostitute

Not sure how to begin this, but basically I had sex with a Thai prostitute.

I don't know what to say but trust me, I never expected it to end like this; four years of blogging about an even longer sex drought, and I end up in a seedy Bangkok hotel with a girl. That just isn't like me, not in a million years, but then things that night didn't really seem that awful and she didn't seem that way and I'm not one of those desperate hideous fuckwits except perhaps all of it just is, and I am.

But I still didn't mean to do it. Of course I could've left the bar, or simply not gone in in the first place, but I didn't. The fact is she was lovely; absolutely not, in my head, a hooker - and I'll quantify that; a desperate and potentially manipulated and downtrodden poor woman - but a very attractive and extremely keen girl who I swear to god wouldn't leave me alone, and smiled constantly, and made me forget where I was and what was happening to the point that my morals and convictions went right out of the window. Men are morons, and I am one of them. I don't know what else to say; Men just want to get laid.
I know there will never be enough excuses, but let me explain as best I can:

It was my first night in Bangkok, the first night of my holiday, and I'd gone to visit Monkey Dave who's working out here. By nightfall, we'd met up with two English colleagues of his, and hit the bars. As working ex-pats, they hadn't gone out on a cliched Bangkok night for quite a while, and we'd ended up in some of the seedier joints around Sukumvit, essentially a hot Leicester Square except with more neon, and girls who'll sleep with you for money.

It wasn't long before we were approached in a pool bar, where I was playing atrociously which was a surprise to absolutely no-one, including two women - Mook and Sue - who appeared from nowhere to rub our thighs and engage in smalltalk. Suddenly I felt really uncomfortable, that they shouldn't be doing that to strange men - particularly ones like the fat old guys from Leeds I'd seen grinning and staggering around earlier. I wanted to talk properly to the girls, to find out more about their jobs and their lives, but as I asked if they "worked" at the bar, they said they did but retained a veneer of innocence about the whole affair. Far be it from me to embarrass them by stating the obvious.

So, instead, the conversation faltered. I wanted to tell them that they were wasting their time with us - with me, certainly, - that I was happy to talk but there was no way I was going to 'buy' them for my own selfish gratification, but matters never went that far, we lost our games, and left the bar, as did one of our group. The remaining three of us went on to Nana Plaza to watch football in a nearby bar - Nana Plaza, which I now know to be a kind of small, layered shopping precinct of sex. We sat outside the bar for a couple of minutes as the urge to go to the toilet took hold, and that's when things took a turn. In those places, the action tends to be inside, and once in, it's difficult to get out - both customer and management induced. An absolutely stunning girl in a bikini - and the Madam - beamed a hello and made a grab for me, but I politely shrugged them off and made for the bathroom. On my return as I headed for the exit, the Madam shoved Bikini Girl at me. She giggled, and I went red. Naturally, being British, I also apologised.
'You drink inside!' they said.
'No! No thank you,' I smiled.

Ten minutes later, we were inside, stunning Bikini Girl sat next to me.
'This country is nuts!' I yelled at the others over the Europop as they stared at the dead-eyed dancers on the podium. I'd been to places like that on my last visit, but it was what it was; pretty damn seedy, but we're blokes, doing what blokes do. Still I maintain, at that point, I never intended to do what happened next, but then I'd never had that level of attention before.

Bikini Girl - to my shame, I never did catch her name - wriggled against me with her fabulous body as I smiled awkwardly. 'No thank you,' I said when the subject of sex came up pretty quickly; 'I can't.' My crotch was grabbed repeatedly as an inducement, but I was made of sterner stuff, telling them straight, Bikini Girl, the madam, the ladyboy waitress, that I wouldn't be doing anything.
'You married?' asked Bikini Girl.
I shook my head. 'No,' I replied. 'I just don't agree with this.'
'You fuck!' said the ladyboy. The girl nodded in agreement.
'No, really.' This was the hard sell, but I just have to stand my ground. 'I can't do this to you,' I said to the girl as she pressed herself against me, her arm around my waist. 'Do you understand?' I said as I touched her bare back. 'You're a human being. I can't just pay for you like that,' and she looked at the floor. Her smile was gone and she seemed to understand. Thank god, finally I had made my point and she got it. I was a decent guy after all. Bikini Girl was tall and beautiful, with large, oval brown eyes and wavy black hair and it was horrible to see how easy it was for her to throw herself at men for money. For a moment, briefly, it seemed as if she really understood and I was off the hook, soon to be left alone, temptation well out of my way.
'I'm sorry,' I said to the side of her head, 'I just can't.' Then she turned slowly to face me and stared into me with those eyes, and brought her lips slowly to my mouth.
'Uh, I-' was all I could manage as gently, she kissed me.

I looked away and back at the dancefloor, totally confounded. I was half aware that my right hand was nestled on her smooth narrow waist, and I had been rubbing her with my thumb. Still perplexed, and also rather stirred, I looked back at her and she stared back, dangerously close. 'What the hell am I getting myself into?,' I thought as we kissed again.
'I'm not doing this,' I whispered into her ear as I caught the sweet scent of her shampoo. It had been a long, long time since I'd smelled something so innocent yet feminine, and in that place, it waylaid me. This went on for something like twenty dangerous minutes, a gorgeous, exotic, semi-naked girl pressed hard against me, kissing me, acting nothing like a desperate, manipulated, downtrodden poor woman, but rather someone totally eager, totally smitten, and she wanted me.

In retrospect, that was the moment I should've got up and announced I was leaving, but you have to understand - and I cannot stress this enough - Bikini Girl was just too much; too beautiful and too keen, and if this blog is my testimony, I'm obviously woefully lonely and desperate. It was a lethal combination. I was wavering, and it was obvious to everyone.

'She dance for you!' said the ladyboy, prompting the girl, who was grinning now, to walk up to the podium.
'No,' I yelled in panic. 'Seriously! Don't!'

And then she danced for me, slowly, rhythmically, between two other dancers, and I was in hell. I stared pointedly at the floor but had to glance back up again. The thought flashed through my mind that I could have that body - not as a possession, not to buy or rent, you understand. I hope this can be forgiven or at least understood, but at that point I needed her immediately. I'd say it was something primal but that sounds too base and aggressive. It was more like a yearning, a desperate, urgent need for a woman - for her, just her - and after such an absence in my life, it ached. I watched almost in tears as that astonishing body of hers wrapped itself around a pole and, as she smiled back at me and just me, I felt ill.

'I don't know what to do!' I yelled out to Monkey Dave.
'Go for it!' he said unhelpfully.
That wasn't the moral advice I wanted.

'I can't do this!' I pleaded with Bikini Girl as soon as she returned, jumping onto my lap and gyrating her round, g-string encased bottom into my crotch.

'Oh god,' I croaked. 'Oh no, I mustn't-' I thought as I turned to her. 'How...' I stammered, 'How - uh, what do we do now?'
She smiled and we kissed again, slowly, as my hand slid down her tanned back and under her g-string.
'We go outside?' she asked, which essentially meant that this was going to happen.
'I can't,' I whispered this time, more in pointless echo than anything sincere anymore. She wasn't a hooker. She was just fabulous and really, really keen.
... Rubbing...
Kissing. Slowly...
Absolutely nothing wrong with this. There can't be...

And then my wallet was out I was shaking my head as I did so. Insanity.
I paid the bar a small release fee, and Bikini Girl disappeared for 10 minutes to freshen up whilst Monkey Dave cackled in my ear.
'What the hell am I about to do, Dave?'
'Pay for sex,' he laughed.

She reappeared a different woman; elegant - really quite stunning in her little black dress as, smiling, beaming, she reached out for my hand. Grabbing my scotch with the other I threw it down my neck as we walked outside and headed up onto the second level at Nana Plaza. I felt quite sick then, just a first-time John, a hooker's Trick, an Accidental Sex Tourist walking guiltily past random girls and sneering ladyboys. The place was a warren of bars and of heat and people, of neon, small chickens on rotisseries, a confusion of noise and smells and the sudden emergence of a young Western couple whose presence made me cringe with shame. I thought I was about to get killed, or mugged, but overriding it all was the thought that I was about to have sex with, okay, a prostitute, but more importantly, and to my way of thinking that night, a dusky and exotic woman.

We reached the top and a seedy hotel where a po-faced elderly Scandinavian man walked out looking neutral and unashamed. A young woman lying prostrate on a sofa looked up from her violent movie as we walked in.

'You pay 300 Baht for room,' said Bikini Girl expectantly, and I did on autopilot. Then we we walked into the red-lit bedroom, shut the door, and flung our arms around each other.

Without going into details, we spent an hour together, a very, very happy hour where I occasionally remembered who she was and where we were, but remained convinced that, despite the possible debasement, the seediness, the manipulation, it was actually incredibly tender and intimate. It's very hard even now to convince myself that I had paid for sex with a working girl, as it felt nothing of the sort. There was too much hugging, so much eye contact, and stroking - well you get the idea.

The following morning, I woke up the perhaps one of the worst,'Oh God, what the hell did I do last nights?' of my life. There were no shades of grey; I had had sex with a prostitute. I had walked into a bar, met a girl I liked the look of, and fucked her, for money. I felt awful - strangely content to a degree as I wanted to have sex so badly and treated her with the utmost respect and affection, but the basic, sobering fact had remained: I had travelled to a developing country and took advantage of a very beautiful local girl.

As I'm incapable of keeping my mouth shut, within 24 hours I was drunk again and emailing my friends in London en masse to tell them what I'd done.
'Hahahahahahahahahaha!' this elicited, and the expected jibes that I'd shagged a ladyboy.

I suppose - like this post - the email was meant to be cathartic, the secular priestly confession, but it made me feel like a braggard. The fact was she was too sweet to have been treated that way. How dare I actually tell her she was a human being, then rent her like a piece of meat anyway? Surely that was worse than just walking in and choosing her immediately? And those eyes that stared up at me from the bed, it was all so intense.
I made the mistake of emailing Danny too, who was pretty disgusted.
'Find her again,' he advised, 'buy her dinner. Or give her money for her family. If you don't want to do that, perhaps you could give money to a woman's refuge.'
I nodded at his words. They made sense, although I wasn't going to buy her dinner. Far better, I thought, to go back to the bar and somehow slip her 40 or 50 quid without management noticing. At the very least it would be one less arsehole for her to have to sleep with.

The days passed, and I pondered what to do. Giving her money I thought was best, although I was slightly worried that I'd end up in bed with her again. She really seemed to like me, something I put down to the common desire of a lot of bargirls to settle down with a Western former customer and be set for life.

But there was more, and I'm afraid it gets worse....

As the last couple of days have passed, I've continued to ponder. One of the things that's been on my mind was my friend's absurd quip that I'd bedded a ladyboy. Of course I hadn't. You can spot ladyboys a mile off as there's something contrived about them. They try a little too hard to be more woman than women, and the woman I'd slept with, well, she was too beautiful to be a man.
Although having said that, some ladyboys are really attractive. It can be hard to tell.
Really hard.
HOWEVER, thank god, there was the simple matter of, well, her vagina.
Because it was a vagina.
It's been a while for me, but not that long. Plus her vajayjay worked perfectly, and by that I mean in the moments leading up to sex, I had managed to make her very, erm, ready.
Because I'm fucking brilliant in bed.
So while I profess not to know much about gender reassignment, I'm almost 100% certain that medical science will never be able to recreate spontaneous internal lubrication in a man. How? It's just can't be possible without some kind of switch or fluid at the ready. Therefore, ladyboy? Ha! No.
End of Story, Case Closed.

But thanks to my bastard friends, they'd sown the seeds of doubt in my head. She was tall, after all; just a shade shorter than me, and for a Thai woman she was practically a giant. Then there were a couple of things that just didn't sit well with me. Thinking about them has been like living in my own personal Sixth Sense with its twist in the tale. In fact it's been more like the Usual Suspects, because as I've pondered over these last few days, little flashbacks and clues have suddenly appeared about extremely over-eager Bikini Girl.

"I don't know what else to say; Men just want to get laid."

I'd spoken to Monkey Dave when he got a quiet moment away from his wife and kids. You see, Bikini Girl just couldn't have been a ladyboy. Above all else, I'd got her wet. Really wet.
'Dave,' I'd whispered to him, 'how can ladyboys get that way? Obviously they can't, can they?'
'Dunno,' he'd shrugged. 'Some kind of lubricant, I suppose.'

I'd nodded, and wandered off, lost in thought.

There had been one thing strange about that night, now that I'd thought about it.... We'd left the bar... walked upstairs... past sneering (envious of a more convincing?) ladyboys... fallen onto the bed kissing, and stroking, and taking off our clothes, when Bikini Girl got up and stepped behind the partition.
'I have to shower,' she'd said.
I had thought it odd, particularly as I'd waited 10 minutes for her downstairs. I'd assumed she'd already freshened up then.

..... 'Some kind of lubricant, I suppose.'

And when she'd returned from her brief shower, her skin had been dry to the touch.

Then there was her clitoris. It was chubby, like a reconstructed bell-end.
And I can't remember much in the way of labia, or a hood, and although she was a picture of femininity, I recall her ladygarden being quite unkempt, when a Brazilian would've suited her figure to a tee.

Perhaps it was covering up the scars?

This was all becoming more like the Crying Game.

And then there was the last piece of the puzzle. In the crime-solving world, this is known as an admission. But at the time, I dismissed it, like an abused partner in a bad relationship. They don't see the signs, because they don't want to.

We'd walked back downstairs, Bikini Girl having wriggled that body back into her black cocktail dress and me, dazed and grinning, back into my shit shorts and t-shirt. Back in the bar, as management prepared the bill, Monkey Dave, quite pissed now, rambled into my ear;
'Mate, you would not believe how many of these birds are ladyboys.'
'Really?' I'd remarked, looking around in astonishment at the half-naked dancers.
'Hey!' I'd said to Bikini Girl not 10 minutes after I'd filled a mango-flavoured condom full of my DNA, 'Are there lots of ladyboys here?'

'I'm a ladyboy,' she replied somewhat dreamily, not looking at me but staring ahead at the dancefloor.
'Eh?' I'd replied with a smile. The daft, beautiful leg-puller.

... Some sort of lubricant...
... Men just want to get laid...
I'm a ladyboy.


Miss Milk said...

Karma. Ha.

pokemonsoup said...

Consider the whole experience a down payment for her girlbits, in which case it can be seen as charity rather than depravity.

Z said...

Dear, move on. This is one time when telling all your friends can look like either bragging or inviting criticism - oh dear, too late there - still, the more you go on about it, the worse it'll be. Don't go back and give more money, she/he and you carried on a paid-for transaction with mutual kindness and every appearance of enjoyment. But I can't think you want to make a habit of it. If you did wrong, you can't pay your way out of it, and if you were manipulated then going back and paying again will compound that.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

This is the best blog post I've ever read.


If it's any consolation, I saw this thing on Jerry Springer once where the bloke had pretended to be a woman for years in a relationship with another man, and all he'd done when it came to the sexy time was form a circle with his fingers for the, err, manbits to go through. Turns out in the dark and heat of the moment, no one really pays any attention to whats going on.

As for the fact the girl was actually a lady, well, no one needs to know.

But you've probably already told them. So..errm...think of it as life experience.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Best post you've ever written. Better than any post I've ever written, for that matter.

In the end, does it matter? Does it? You thought it was a woman. No fault of yours that it wasn't.

daisyfae said...

One of the few things that separates us from our animal friends is how we treat reproductive activities. Face it, you can't show a photo of a dog in heat to a male dog and have him get an instant boner.

We simply think about it too much. And as a result, we've assigned FAR more importance to the act than necessary. It's not some transcendental act that can drive us toward enlightenment, deeper understanding of the cosmos and bring us closer to god.

It's fucking. It's fun. It feels good. It's primal. We're biologically wired, deep within our little dinosaur brains, to want to fuck.

Relax. It's just sex. Transgendered or not, it really doesn't matter. Beating yourself up? Pretty pointless.

Dandelion said...

Hmm. Does it make a difference if it was a ladyboy or not?

If s/he was a prostitute, the sex was pretend anyway. By paying him/her, you consented to that pretence. The fact is that you enjoyed it, and you couldn't tell at the time, so what does it matter? Think of the Turing Test.

McTodd said...

Bloody hell, I hope your mum doesn't read this...

looby said...

Oh dear... sorry Fweng! The way you captured his/her irresistibility is very good even though this choice of holiday destination had disaster written all over it.

Anonymous said...

Whoops, wasn't expecting that! As others have said, brilliant post. You can't undo what's done, move on and learn from it.

i am not your freud said...

no song could ever be more fitting:

pay attention to the lyrics.

oh and i know it's easy to say, but you didn't know, so try not to beat yourself up about it.

Anonymous said...

As my dear old Gran used t'say - "Y'gets what y'pay for".

At least, I think it was m'Gran...

Julia said...

You're not responsible for the problems in Thailand. Sounds like a very erotic encounter and your ladyboy IS a woman, not a man. Just chill. We're all just animals and you needed sex, she needed money. Why the guilt? You're single and horny so why not? If I was you I would go back for more.

Anonymous said...

in Fabtastic.

WV Tailaxido

Fen said...

Chillax. Don't over think it, just take it at face value. If you had a good time and enjoyed yourself, then so be it. You weren't cruel or degrading or anything like that. It's okay.

luna said...

"Without going into details" Xcuse me??

Since when do you NOT go into very great details about your nose-picking, anus-scratching, mouse-breakfast spunking routines every blessed post?

And now he FINALLY gets some Xrated action, our prim and prudish Fweng goes all coy and precious on us and wants to draw a veil over his one copulation of the decade!!!Huh!talk about rip off blog!Bit like a literary hooker methinks!

luna said...

On the plus side if she's a ladyboy you have not been abusing a poor girl sold into sex slavery at 12 for the price of a bag of rice.
He probably gets a kick out of fooling the ganji to the hilt and would do it for free.

That said, maybe she needed the 10 mn upstairs for a line in order to go through the charade.
So as to earn enough cash to pay for the line in order to go through...bah.

you're really the typical deluded punter if you think you'll make prostitutes come.They all use lube, haven't you read your belle de jour?

Z said...

Luna, those two comments were almost as good as the post.

I just love it that she told Fweng on the night that she was a ladyboy and it still took him two more days to work it out.

Laura Jane Williams said...

Urm. So this post was... I just adored it. And I know it comes from a place of shame and embarrassment and all those other horrible things but as a story, how you tell it? Just marvelous.

Sarsparilla said...

Same, same, but different?

Sarsparilla said...

He love you long time.

how peculiar said...

oh dear.

Dandelion said...

I wonder what he's getting up to now.

And ps, I recommend scrolling down to the very end of the page to see the background image in all its glory.

fwengebola said...

MM ~ Yes! Exactly. Exactly, exactly, exactly.
PS ~ Oh god, that's it, isn't it? She's eager with everyone so she can pay off the op.
Z ~ You're right, of course, and now that I'm home I have/ did decide not to revisit my colossal shame. But move on, yes, for once.
Jo ~ Woah, absurdly kind, thank you. How can anyone confuse ladyparts with fingers? Having said that, I confused an entire gender. In many ways, the transgender thing almost helps me get over the prosti-guilt.
Either way it's the dumbest thing I've done, and that's saying something.
UB ~ And thank you too. It's a shame I have to live this to blog it, but it can't be helped. I'm surprisingly fine about the 'was born male' thing, as I was overwhelmed - and had sex with - a female. I'm just bothered by the whole fiduciary transaction and stigma of the whole affair.
Df ~ No, you're right, it was just sex and as said the transgender was an interesting, karmic end-note. But it was the whole sex tourist thing that bothers me. If someone told me I'd've done that, I would've said, hand on heart, never. I guess we can surprise ourselves when on holiday.
And drunk.
And horny.
Dand ~ I'm not bothered about the ladyboy angle, as he made an extremely attractive woman. It's just the buying aspect. Not overtly happy about that one.
And what's the Turing Test? Is that Alan?
McT ~ I'm pretty confident that she saw it once years ago, the forgot the link. Suits me.
Other friends, however; I've forgotten how many of them read this and slowly my name is becoming MUD - mainly among the women.
Looby ~ I swear to god Looby, bustling parts of Thailand at night have Sexy Blade Runner written all over it.
CS ~ Exactly, and thank you. I cannot have unsex with a transgender prostitute from Thailand. It's done now, and I have to be dignified about this.
By telling everyone on the Internets.
Elif ~ Oh yeah, Murray Head. It's on my iPod. "And if you're lucky then that God's a She"?
I wasn't lucky.
And sorry. Not a very noble deed.

fwengebola said...

Anon ~ Ironically my Gran used to say, "Don't pay for sex in Thailand because as well as being morally dubious, you may end up fucking a former man."
Julia ~ I am so bloody surprised at the responses of a lot of women here. I still feel awkward more about the prostitution angle than the ladyboy one - although it was as described, and hand on heart it was beautiful. Well, as beautiful as a moment like that in a place like that could be.
Anon ~ I'll take that as... wait, I don't know.
Fen ~ Yes! I wasn't cruel or degrading at all. I did do it, that much is very awkward, but you get the idea. I was a nice Trick, with that man.
Luna ~ What's mouse-breakfast spunking? And for the record it's not very becoming to reveal every intimate angle.
And ganji? Do you mean Farang? As that's Thai for 'foreigner'. Yes, the lady in question is rather removed from the abused girl stereotype/ actuality of a lot of her contemporaries and frankly, it does ease a lot of that guilt when the exploted is me. I can deal with that.
And no, I don't read Belle De Jour. I'm not really into sexual gossip blogs. I find them braggy and distasteful.
Yeah, that's right.
And no, I didn't know about the lube thing. I guess I just am deluded or stupid or both. I've never really dwelt on prostitution before.
Z ~ Don't encourage her.
And yes, it took two days to sink in. I'm not that bright.
LJW ~ Thank you very much. That's very kind. Posting that helps me tremendously. And if I can help one guy not to take advantage of a girl in Thailand, then so be it.
Doubt it will though - or that morally I can even take that stance.
Sas ~ Yes, yes, very good. Well done.
HP ~ I'm really, really sorry.
Dand ~ Right now? Probably eating lunch. You might have a different browser. All I can see are stars that incorrectly merge into a muddy earth.
Is that metaphorical?

Dandelion said...

If go right to the very bottom of the page, you see the beautiful earth from space, complete with city lights twinkling on the dark side, and the shine of the sun reflecting on the other.

I do think there's a difference between exploiting someone's desire to have sex, and exploiting someone's need to eat. Just saying.

Anonymous said...

Now that you're home you can learn from it and move on. Your experience will stay with you but become less of an issue. You've gained admiration and a few more 'hits'.
The £20 you left has already been spent and your contribution to society hopefully long forgotten.


Here I am looking at your blog (after a very long time) and it seems that you are causing moral outrage in the inernets, which is exactly as it should be. Anyway, you are clearly punishing yourself more than anyone else could about something that is over and done with, so I would stop all that if I were you and have a little sit down and a nice glass of absinthe. Yep.

fwengebola said...

Dand ~ Yes, it's all a rich tapestry of exploitation, of which I'm now a part of.
Anon ~ "Admiration"? Dear god, how? But I've learnt from it. I pretty much feel okay about the whole thing, particularly the ladyboy angle. If anything, that's lessened the whole prostitution scenario and made it all more... stupid.
NWM ~ Whoop! Hello! Long time no commenting on each other's blogs. I hope you're well and all's okay in Canada.
Also, I am very very sorry of what's become of me (i.e. nothing at all barring that last thing.)

digressica said...

I've been a loyal (if sporadic) reader of your blog for what must surely be two or three years now, and I think all the many complimentary and admiring comments I've left you entitle me to now say the following.

It very well could be that you're just a sweet, unlucky-in-love, very nice young Jewish man who's much too hard on himself when it comes to evaluating his own looks, personality and charm. It very well could be that you really did accidentally stumble upon a "small, layered shopping precinct of sex" in complete innocence, and that you weren't really looking to have sex with a prostitute, and that you really were wholeheartedly, without reservation trying to dissuade her (or him) from selling herself to you.

Or it could very well be that the reason you're not in the relationship you so desperately crave is not some bizarre set of bad luck but rather that you are a selfish, ignorant cunt who cares more about the state of his own dick than the state of the human beings in which you plant said dick.

I don't know. At this point I'm on the fence about it.

luna said...

Oh so "we" holiest of the holies do not follow smutty sex blogs,do we indeed?

Didn't you used to comment on Girl with a one track mind's, seen as that's how I got the link to yours??
And i bet a couple more to boost, please do not add hypocrisy to your debauchery!!!

@Z thank you for the fan mail, it had been a while this blog had some inspiring novelty thrown into it.

Bah Digressica direct your venom to the evil mate Monkey dave (on his back) who set him up.

fwengebola said...

Digressica ~ Thank you. Sincerely. Yours was the angry comment I was expecting all along, and when I started reading what you'd said, I panicked. Home truths can be unpleasant.
Nonetheless, I calmed down as I can with a clear conscience refute your queries; I didn't so much as stumble into a precinct of sex as was escorted there by the other guys that night. All I knew was we were headed to 'some bars'.
And I did, as mentioned, spend a great deal of time refusing to sleep with a young lady for money, as elaborated above. I just clearly didn't have much resolve in the matter.
And finally, thankfully, I can confirm that I'm not a selfish, ignorant cunt who cares more about my dick than the human beings in which I plant said dick. I've met cunts like that here, and again - regrettably - here. I not only refuse to so much as appear anything like them, but I might even admit to feeling cheered if they were to get run over by a very slow-moving cement roller.
So to summarise: a) nice jew, and b) sorry.
Luna ~ Yes, I used to read her blog, but only after she got outed and the posts were less about fucking (which I never read, btw. Far too private).
And I fail to see the hypocrisy.

Thank you all.

digressica said...

Thank you for getting where I was coming from with my comment. I think you realise that I don’t think you’re a cunt. I think you’re a nice guy who made a shitty decision. (And yes, to any other readers who want to shut me down for saying so – I DO think it was a shitty decision. If you don’t, and if Fweng doesn’t, that’s fine too. It’s totally legal for us to have differing opinions, I think I read that somewhere).

Luna, I’m sorry you thought it was venom. I can assure you my comment was carefully considered and came from genuine disappointment, which came from my genuine appreciation of this blog and its writer. Sex trafficking is a really fucking tragic problem that isn’t going to be solved by the kind of apathy that’s been shown by every person who’s given Fweng a wink and a pat on the back after reading this post.

Sorry Fweng, I’m honestly not just trying to have a go at you here. I feel really strongly about this whole issue and your post just took me by surprise. Still a fan.

digressica said...

Thank you for getting where I was coming from with my comment. I think you realise that I don’t think you’re a cunt. I think you’re a nice guy who made a shitty decision. (And yes, to any other readers who want to shut me down for saying so – I DO think it was a shitty decision. If you don’t, and if Fweng doesn’t, that’s fine too. It’s totally legal for us to have differing opinions, I think I read that somewhere).

Luna, I’m sorry you thought it was venom. I can assure you my comment was carefully considered and came from genuine disappointment, which came from my genuine appreciation of this blog and its writer. Sex trafficking is a really fucking tragic problem that isn’t going to be solved by the kind of apathy that’s been shown by every person who’s given Fweng a wink and a pat on the back after reading this post.

Sorry Fweng, I’m honestly not just trying to have a go at you here. I feel really strongly about this whole issue and your post just took me by surprise. Still a fan.

digressica said...

Thank you for getting where I was coming from with my comment. I think you realise that I don’t think you’re a cunt. I think you’re a nice guy who made a shitty decision. (And yes, to any other readers who want to shut me down for saying so – I DO think it was a shitty decision. If you don’t, and if Fweng doesn’t, that’s fine too. It’s totally legal for us to have differing opinions, I think I read that somewhere).

Luna, I’m sorry you thought it was venom. I can assure you my comment was carefully considered and came from genuine disappointment, which came from my genuine appreciation of this blog and its writer. Sex trafficking is a really fucking tragic problem that isn’t going to be solved by the kind of apathy that’s been shown by every person who’s given Fweng a wink and a pat on the back after reading this post.

Sorry Fweng, I’m honestly not just trying to have a go at you here. I feel really strongly about this whole issue and your post just took me by surprise. Still a fan.

Jess Townsend said...

Thank you for getting where I was coming from with my comment. I think you realise that I don’t think you’re a cunt. I think you’re a nice guy who made a shitty decision. (And yes, to any other readers who want to shut me down for saying so – I DO think it was a shitty decision. If you don’t, and if Fweng doesn’t, that’s fine too. It’s totally legal for us to have differing opinions, I think I read that somewhere).

Luna, I’m sorry you thought it was venom. I can assure you my comment was carefully considered and came from genuine disappointment, which came from my genuine appreciation of this blog and its writer. Sex trafficking is a really fucking tragic problem that isn’t going to be solved by the kind of apathy that’s been shown by every person who’s given Fweng a wink and a pat on the back after reading this post.

Sorry Fweng, I’m honestly not just trying to have a go at you here. I feel really strongly about this whole issue and your post just took me by surprise. Still a fan.

Ordinary Girl said...

Oh Fwenge baby, its been sooooooo long since I dropped in, but I have to say, this post was certainly worth it! Even though I have to completely disagree in principle with paying thai prostitutes for sex! Loved it though, and would like to say jack off the Brilliant Novel and get this bloody blog published! I swear it is so much a better read than GWOTM!! Though with less sex, obviously! (Though I'm hardly one to talk my blog contains no sex and nothing very interesting either these days!!)

fwengebola said...

Bloody hell, you're back. Hello! How did your crush-stalk-meet go?
And thank you, but the blog needs probably more work than the fucking novel.
Frankly I'm happy to just realise my limitations and get on with having an actual life.
Sort of.
Sorry you had to read I succumbed to paying for sex.

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain! The global sex-industry is a blatant scam, and it's surprising so few are raising their voices against this slave trade of the 21st century.

Something similar happened to me. While travelling in Cambodia, I was tempted to go into a massage parlour. It was my first day there, and I didn't then realise how close to brothels some (?) of these places could actually be.

Fortunately, the young woman assigned perfectly understood (and respected) my request for "just a massage". I felt happy to have drawn the line and having stuck to it (someone touching your body, even if clad in shorts, can be arousing).

Later, when I realised that I had paid $4 or 6 for an hour's massage, the guilt hit me. Even if there was nothing sexual involved, here was a young woman, struggling against an unfair global economy, who might have done better work in her rice paddies back home (or even educating herself). My stronger currency allowed me to exploit her, in the financial sense if not sexual!

Thank you for your honesty above. In our highly sexualised societies, we can end up where we don't want to.

PS: I don't agree with some of the women posters who seem to suggest that it is males (all of them, and males alone) who are oversexed, and to blame. Partly it has to go with power -- whether finacial or otherwise. At another level, your own description clearly outlines the structures which push sex on us. And I wouldn't blame the bikini-clad woman alone... it's far more serious than that...

fwengebola said...

Thanks for that, Anon. I think the one thing that knocked me for six was the simple fact that I was in a room sat next to an attractive woman who insisted on having sex with me. Yes, there were endless angles to the whole thing, and wider issues, but all things considered it just came down to me and her and I made a decision. Had she not pushed as hard, or had I been made of stronger stuff and said no for longer, it would not have happened.

Said angles and issues are thus non-related, yet also inextricably intertwined with it all, and I have a massive headache.

Which is why I can only simplify it to: Idiot male drinking in far east bar. Attractive young lady willing to have sex with idiot, for money. Lady persists for half an hour, idiot eventually caves in. Sex is had, both parties appear satisfied with arrangement, lady turns out to have been born a man, the end.

Anonymous said...

i feel the same as you bro and feel like hell even if i didnt want to do it,of course i had half a bottle of blacklabel 4 heinikens and 5 martinis, i was lost and this was the first time for me

fwengebola said...

Hey, if I didn't drink, I'd still be a virgin - more in the 'Dutch courage' sense than anything else.
Oh well, live and learn :I

Loki Mars said...

You seriously need to read/check out the following things:

The Game by Neil Strauss
Deep Inner Game by David DeAngelo
and also Men's Psychology website.

I am not selling anything, just I was you once upon a time until I realised it does not have to be like this. This is like that scene from the Matrix, which pill are you going to take?

fwengebola said...

It's weird you wrote that. A couple of months ago, I read The Game for the first time, in about a week.

Something in me snapped.

I went out and bought a new wardrobe (well, more clothes at any rate), and for all that time I've been dieting. 18lbs and counting.

I'm trying to get in shape for the Big Push which needless to say I've not yet done, let alone mastered.

But Babysteps.

I'm hoping to write a post about this fucker soon.

But I understand. It's the advice I now give.
And thanks.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what I would do if I was in your shoes, namely having someone of the opposite sex (well-contrived or not) who is wonderfully attractive and appealing throw themselves at me. Men have it tough, no lie. You did a brilliant job of depicting the nuances involved in the male-female power/sex interaction. However I think it's kinda creepy that you seemed the most bothered by the whole prostitution thing while so many of the female responses were approving. I mean, grrrrooossss-male or female, herpes doesn't care-how did no one even pick up on that??

I also think you write beautifully and I wish we had more in common such as for some reason British men can get a way with being utterly and explicitly honest in a way I would never be "allowed" to be. So on the one hand, sucks to be you, on the other, you're lucky you can write about it. And last, please keep writing, this is SUCH a great blog. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Looby sent me here. Great post.

fwengebola said...

Anon ~ Sorry for the delay, and thank you. You're very kind. I don't know if it's a particularly British thing to get away with it. I'm just being honest - sometimes a bit too much - and I refuse to think the sun shines out of my arse. That's a combination that could work well for comedic value.
And I don't have herpes. I am stunned and eternally grateful that I dodged that particular bullet.
NM ~ Thank you Nurse (and Loob). I will never cease to be amazed about this post's popularity, although it is about hookers on the internet, in which case, duh

culona y tetona said...

Well, I don't know what to say - its just normal to get tempted on things like sex, since its a human nature after all. Especially on your case, you mentioned that you we're sexually starved when it happened.

fwengebola said...

Thank you, Señor Big ass and tits

Anonymous said...

The way to say 'NO' in Asian context is to keep your mouth shut on any offer and move on. Not muttering of "sorry, I can't", "No", "I can't do this"...This is not the way to do it in Asia, not Thailand, not China, not Indonesia. Verbal means "yes, if you try harder" dude.

fwengebola said...

This is very important information I literally did not know. It would've been good to have been aware of this two years ago, but this also raises the question: 'Did I really want her to go away?'
I still maintain yes, sort of.

Anonymous said...

I think the planets aligned for me and i was MEANT to stumble upon this post. ...the details of it, etc. - im glad i did.

Ive been in a relationship with my bf for (what iii have considered) over 5+yrs now. I respect myself enough to say i, with much effort and thru much personal emotional hardship and pain, have been a great gf/partner (emotionally and otherwise) to him, as much as he has been to me. Id also like to mention that i have made an excruciating effort my whole life to *NOT* enter into a relationship with cunts or jerks or douchebags or the like, and that (as far as i have thought of him until just recently) he has been a great guy/bf to me, even though i have had some growing suspicions for a little while now of his introversion & reserved nature at times - ie. i have discovered he actually has been a bit of a Jekyll/Hyde; hiding from me that he 'compartamentalizes' his life....esp when i am not around. That is, he's one way in front of his family, another way with our mutual friends when i am not present, and a t00oootalllly different person when its just me & him (the him that i have known all along and have been led to accept as the "rEAL" him). Like, talking *0SCAR-worthy*, maipulative and deceitful duping-me performance here, folks. for YEARS. ;( (and im ashamed to admit that; but also....kinda n0t, since he maaaade me believe it so, s0 well - that he was so authentic and genuinely loving/caring).
Perhaps more importantly, however.....i have known him since elementary school and grown up with him and so, naturally, have considered and developed stronggg feelings for him beyond being simply my "bestfriend". (its been a natural progression of intimate emotions, lets just say that.)

Long story short(er) now: - Ive recently flat out confronted him and i think have struck a chord with him, and he (begrudgingly/shamefully) opened up to me about what he did while "...visiting his uncle in Thailand" several years ago. ;(

again,....long story short,..........his deceitfulness and ignorance has left me in a position currently where my HEALTH has (permanently) taken a massive turn for the worse (on HIS account), ;'( and his past happenings in Thailand (unbeknownst to me until just recently) have left me struggling to stay alive. no lie. --- (its also much more detailed and complicated of a story,....and YES,......i had insisted he be tested prior to any physical engagements, so i have been in this relationshit with him under the impression that he's been a 'good, clean boy' all along.)

I guess the point im trying to make here,......or aSk, HOW can you guys do something like this. everything. be so piss-poor morally, care nothing about your already life-broken and abused and heart-shattered gf, but only of your dick and what iT wants and what your phYsical needs want for a quick (regardless of how exotic and sexually-stimulating) fuck. !!! ;( .......even, and perhaps more especially, when youve *g0t* a gal who LOVES YOU SO, s0 DEARLY, shows it to you completely, gives of herself and all her heart to you and has also eMotionally been by your side through much. ;{

Anonymous said...

Right now, struggling with trying to understand why he feels NOTHING because of his ch0ice of actions. why he's not tryyying to make amends with the hurt he's caused me at all. he apologizes,....but with zer0 REAL feeling. ........... ;( I feel he's taken SO many important (and healthy!) yeaaaaaaaars of my life, has fucked me up healthwise for liFe now, and has made me turn so many otHer 'love possibilities/opportunities' away from my door over the time ive been with him.

its like he has no conscience with all this. My heart tells me he's no good for me anymore and to leave/drop him,......but,........since ill now never probably be even aBle to developppppp another relationship with someone because of him,......i feel i should somehow try to 'change' his conscience/way-of-thinking in life (because he d0es have MANY other good qualities) and try and,..i dunno,...HELP him see how "living wrong" like that wont woRk in life -- you cant d0ooo that, ya know? you cant love someone like that. and uSe them like that. like he did the Thai hooker, and like he has ;(

......Im wondering if someone who does this type of thing in their life,.........treat women (whether at home or in Thailand) with such disgustingly little consciousness, care, and feeling......if they can BE changed at all and control their sexual urges.

Since i cant get those years of my life and heart back,......i suppose im trying to grasp onto just trying to get s0me w0rth out of what he has put me though, in the hopes that he can erase all the bad about him, keep the good, evolve and change things a bit, keep what we've had, reStore our love, fix the huRt, and continue on forward together. x__x

(sorry for the long story long. im a sh!t meSs of a million broken little pieces right now, and i dont know how i feel or what to


comments/suggestions/advice,..........please, if you'd be willing to lend some to appreciate it.

much thanks for sharing your story and experiences.

fwengebola said...

Jesus christ. Well firstly, I'm really sorry. He was deceitful and it's impacted you personally. How you go about that is a matter for you and you alone.
Secondly, in my boring defence, I was (still am) single when I had that moment with that lady in Thailand. Being pressured for sex when I have a girlfriend at home would've been totally unacceptable, not to mention completely reckless.
I did notice you say you and your guy have been together since school. Not that it's an excuse, but he probably felt that he's 'missing out', what with being in a committed relationship. I really can't tell. Men are evolutionarily designed to do that, not that that's an excuse either.

As for advice, I have none and I'm not qualified to do so.
This is a pretty shitty situation with a poor suggestion on my part, but have you considered visiting Reddit? It looks like a mess when you first go there, but it's all links and self posts to things you like. They have areas (called 'sub-reddits') like AskReddit where you can pose questions to hundreds of thousands of people (called Redditors.) There are also sub-reddits like 'Dating Advice' and 'Relationship Advice' where you can start threads and receive comments and advice from people.
It sounds like you want a community of likeminded souls. Reddit will help, but be warned - it's addictive.

Anonymous said...

me again.

thanks for getting back to me here.

Im still frustrated and heartbroken and confused and saddened and ....angry he wasted a LOT of me. A LOT. ;'(

however,'ve mentioned a word that sticks out to me,......perhaps because i, too, concluded the same thing: his RECKLESSNESS. ;(
undeniable recklessness. (and not only with me,....but it has recently come to my attention that he has used cocaine and other 'fun' drugs in the past in very stupid and immature ways for his 27-year-old self. Even his drinking is unlike most other guys - our mutual friends, even; he drinks to GET drunk, ya know.,.....fuck,....enjoyyyyy the beer or wine at this age,......n0 0ne caaaaares how "schlammed" you are. (i feel he's immaturely just tryna 'impress' someone - likely other dudes - instead of ....well, ;/

but yes; very much RECKLESS, he is.
ive actually toLd him this, using that exact wording. Id be embarrassed,.....ashamed, even.......if i were him. really. Im not embarrassed for mYself though, mainly because i have been being duped by him all along; sometimes, no matter how responsible and otherwise 'normal' we are,.....we still cannot escape the manipulative character of an individual. ...........All this speaks more of HIS character than it does of mine, i feel. And im really just trying to go forward with this all keeping that in mind, first and foremost. ;(
im just really completely left feeling gutted by all this,.....and so, just operating by my feelings, as they come and go rigth now.

In any case, ........i have made him an ultimatum and told him verbatim: i want HIM TO MAKE A CH0ICE AND TELL ME IT.

then, and only then, will i procede with making MY decision and letting HIM know. ;(

and ive even told him, in similar words, that if he has felt for some time now that he's been "missing out", or that i havent been his cup of tea, emotionally oR physically, whatever the case............that he should act like a MAN and not a manchild, have s0me balls to TELL me that, have mooore balls to TAKE THE (emotional) CONSEQUENCES of his decision (+ or -) and DEAL with it, and NOT continue to take up my life and have me living under this umbrella of *faKe* emotion and feeling from a guy who sayys he "loves me". x__x

I appreciate your opinions and perspective about all this, though. really. means a lot.

(and,...thats actually why i decided to post this all here instead of on Reddit or other similar sites........i wanted YOUR opinion......straight, no chaser; from someone who's felt what you - and i believe he, too - has felt and d0ne before in Thailand).

I think maybe he needs a SHARRRRRP wake-up call in life,............and maybe that will mean even losing a lifelong 'friend' and emotional confidant in me, ;( even though id feel more sorry for mYselfff in that case than i would for him, to be real honest.....................but i think unless he rEally impresses me with something very w0rthwhile hearing and feeling from him when i eventually decide to have a REAL FIRM TALK with him over the next little while,......................then my fingers are already on the dial ready to give him that wake-up call. ;(

I guess i'll only end by asking this: ~ would y0u ever do it again? you think hE would? (whether i leave him or ...n0t).

'ppreciate the talks had here, folks.
thanx. // x

Bibiana said...

I don't see what is so bad. You and she didn't harm anybody, and you are both adults. There was tenderness and kindness, and you enjoyed yourselves. And I believe that a transgender female IS still a female.

Anonymous said...

All is not what it seems sometimes.
This is how we learn.
Violet Ivy, Author, Lucky Girl - How I Survived the Sex Industry

fwengebola said...

Bib ~ Yeah, okay, I submit she's a she. But y'know, the paying, the guilt, the frisson of exploitation. Not my proudest moment.
VI ~ Blatant spam, but I'll keep this up here. Fuck it.

Anonymous said...

I went to Nana Plaza about 4 years ago on my holiday to Thailand, and met a tall, thin girl that I think about to this day.

She looked at me with beautiful doe eyes. I bought us dinner first, and she fed me her pad thai noodles when I said that my ham sandwich was no good.

I fingered her g spot and made her hips dance. I nibbled her neck and made her back arch.

It was GREAT! She made me feel like I was a high school kid again fooling around, but this time I knew what to do.

It was paid sex, but money well spent. (she was making about 10 times the normal daily working wage for the 2 hours she was with me.)

I think she is the most beautiful woman I have ever kissed, hugged, nuzzled, and f**ked.

I am very grateful that our life paths had crossed, and I would love to do it (her) all over again.

Out of curiosity, ...What Bar in Nana Plaza did you go into? As you enter the plaza, was it on the left or right? On the Ground floor, right ?

fwengebola said...

Ground floor, on the left about midway in, if I recall correctly

Anonymous said...

Brilliant post, and in my case, a little bit comforting.

I pose a question: Which is worse: to have sex with a prostitute, or to accidentally have sex with a prostitute?

I met a girl at a bar on Sukhumvit Soi 4. I was having a few drinks with my buddies as a live DJ played a set. I saw a couple pretty little dark Thai girls dancing the night away, I came up to them and the three of us did some lighthearted dancing. One of them, a dark Isan girl with wonderfully thick, flowing hair, began to come on to me, and the dancing turned to grinding. I turned her around to face me and we stared into each other's eyes. I saw something in them, something I found attractive.

I asked her if she'd take a taxi home with me. We found our way out of the club and stepped into a cab. In the back seat, she cuddled up against me, my hands finding their way over her thin body and incredibly smooth, dark skin. Her head turned up to me and our lips touched, and we made out as we approached my apartment.

Back at my place, we fucked two times and fell asleep. It was all right, but we were both a little loaded so things were somewhat blurry. In the morning I stole away to buy water and coffee at 7/11. On my way back, I remembered that she had complained of headaches the previous night, so I turned around and went back to fetch her some paracetamol. When I returned, I lay next to her and handed her a pill and a bottle of water to put it down. We flirted and talked and got naked and I tickled her and she laughed and we fucked.

I felt good. I was hungover, but I'd had a great night out with my friends and there was a pretty girl lying in my bed.

We were hungry, so I took her to a cheap Thai place near my pad. I ordered pad Thai and yellow curry with chicken, she ordered Tom Yum.

When we were finished we came back and took a nap, her arm finding its way over me and sometimes mine over her as we spooned each other.

At one point, she decided to light up a cigarette—but even though I hate smoking and cigarettes, I let her smoke out the window because she was cute.

We went to the shower and in the light of my bathroom she told me I had beautiful eyes. She asked me if I was Italian. I told her she had beautiful eyes too. After we cleaned up, I told her I needed to work, and she would have to leave.

"How much you give me?" she suddenly said.

I was taken aback. Had I been so foolish, so utterly stupid, as to take home a working girl, totally unaware of the situation?

"What do you mean how much I give you?" I replied.

"How much you give me? You know in Bangkok you must give girl money for sex!"

Anonymous said...

(continued from above post)

...Standing, she turned, her naked body reflecting behind her in my bedroom mirror, and the light struck her face from a different angle. Suddenly she seemed not-so-sweet, suddenly she looked not-so-cute, suddenly the girl standing in front of me was not who I thought she had been.

My ego felt shattered. I felt a little bit dead inside.

"You didn't tell me that I had to pay you. Last night, when we were dancing, you said nothing about that. You should have told me!"

"I drunk! I tell you I no want go far with you to your apartment. I need money for food!" she mouthed back at me. I suddenly realized I disliked her voice—it wasn't sweet, or sultry. It was hoarse.

Feeling confused and a little bit hurt, I replied, "I don't pay for sex. I'm not paying you, because we didn't agree on anything, you didn't mention this to me, how was I supposed to know?"

"You know in Bangkok you pay, you pay for a lady. If you no want pay then you can go home by yourself." She made a masturbating gesture with her hand. "I not horny last night! If you not pay me then I would not have come home with you!"

I felt used, violated, ashamed, angry, guilty.

"Look, I don't pay for sex. I'm sorry, you should have told me last night."

There was a pause, as our eyes locked. I didn't know how to feel. I didn't know if I should be angrier at her, if I should yell at her and kick her out.

"You know?" she said, pausing. She looked deep into my eyes. "Right now… I want kill you."

That was enough for me. I had heard horror stories of angry Thai women doing atrocious things to Western men, and I didn't want drama to ensue. Broken and just wanting to be rid of her, I reached for my wallet and handed her a thousand baht.

"Take this and leave."

She grabbed the note. After she'd dressed and gathered her things, she came over to me and smiled at me. "Now I not angry at you because you pay."

She leaned down to kiss me, but I was done. I wanted her to disappear. I wanted to rewind the night, forget what had happened. But she was still here. Should I be cordial to her? Should I apologize for the misunderstanding? I didn't know what to do or how to feel.

"Please leave now."

She kissed me on the cheek. "Maybe I see you again on Sukhumvit soon!"

I just sat there, baffled and feeling guilty. I didn't reply.

"Ok, I leave now," she said as she left, closing the door behind her.

This all happened last night. I still feel pretty confused, not sure whether I should be angry at her for not having told me she was a working girl, or whether I should be angry at myself for not being kinder to her once I found out, or whether I handled the situation in the correct way, or what.

Anonymous said...

Oh. And the worst part? In my tipsiness and the heat of the moment last night, I didn't use a condom. Now I am scared stiff that I've contracted HIV or something.

fwengebola said...

I'm sorry for taking my time in replying but I've been off-blog for a while. It sounds terrible but I'm guessing she might not actually be a hooker as it seems unusual for the subject of payment not to come up first. It sounds more like you picked each other up and the next day she thought she'd make some money out of it. After all, the 1,000 baht you gave her is a sizeable note over there but not a lot of money to westerners, so it's reasonable for her to ask, and receive after the event.

And I'd take a strange bit of comfort in your not being made to wear a condom as again, that sounds unusual. That said, you need to get checked. There is a
Window Period of approximately 3 months from 'exposure' to get a good enough reading for HIV. I'd rubbered up and my slow brain didn't start to process the ramifications until the time I needed to get checked, so time passed for me relatively worry-free.

When did this happen? Because although I think you're in no worse a position that someone with a lot of love to share banging all and sundry, I'd get the tests for peace of mind.

And if you do read this, - again, sorry for the delay - please post an update. Cheers.

Anonymous said...

@fwengbola Came here from your Reddit post in the Masseuse thread, I read the other post too, but this - by far, has to be the most realistic, gripping and funniest rendition of ANY blog post I've read so far ('You fuck!' said the ladyboy. killed me it did! ) Will all of these end up being a book? Count me in if so!

Anonymous said...

Your story sounds all too familiar. almost to the last detail. ground floor of nana plaza, bar on the left side about half way up, the most beautiful 'woman' in a bikini, gorgeous doe eyes, the slow kiss...
i understand your torment. somehow, against every urge in my body, i managed to turn her down after a long time of consideration. And in all honesty, i only turned er down because i had made a similar regettable mistake only days before. and it was only after i got home when i thought about it...there were an awful lot of ladyboys in that area...

fwengebola said...

Max ~ Thanks Max. Appreciated. The book's almost done but I've been saying that for years, and yes, it's this post (tweaked for the book) and others, plus my previously unpublished travels beforehand, in large story form. I will update here when that miracle happens and the bloody thing's on the market.
Anon ~ I knew I wasn't alone. I'd be amused if it turned out to be the same girl. Any chance mentioning what happened days before???

Anonymous said...

It would be amusing, in an awkward, I used your toothbrush after you, kind of way! Although I did meet her only last Summer. Bearing in mind I don't know the shelf life of a quality prostitute, I doubt she is still there at the same bar. I also read what I just wrote and feel ashamed at once again treating her like an object. She was like an angel!

Yeah, a few days before I met a different girl in a similar situation but who didn't need to try nearly as hard. But I was so lonely and overwhelmed by the attention of a beautiful girl. So yeah, my self-loathing was at a high when I met our mutual friend.

Danny McCaffrey said...

The interesting thing here is this - men want to be the prize for a change. We want to be cajoled and charmed, and pushed into sex like a girl.

It's amazing the lengths people will go to bullshit themselves.

The only thing men hate about paying for sex is that it makes them feel like "one of those guys".

Thing is we're ALL "one of those guys". Either you admitted it or your still left in some nice guy vacuum of excuses and justifications for how your above it. Life is short, and you can't take it with you. Have fun.

Anonymous said...

Darling, if you ever visit Greece, give me a call and we will have a great time. That is, if you visit Athens or Corinth. My name is Katerina Kaskantiri and I am not a prostitute (so do not worry about paying). After all, we live in the era of sexual liberation.

Unknown said...

Call me and mail me i'm supattra mora(081-206-1222)
nok hook Mora
Supattra Mora

Anonymous said...

So youre basically a sex tourist ?

Anonymous said...

So what, sounded like you enjoyed yourself. It's not like she wouldn't be there otherwise. Vag or not, you had a great time, no harm done. Nice writeup.

Anonymous said...

Just seems extremely odd that Fweng has a pop at brits abroad, sex tourists etc getting pissed trying to pull birds nonstop and the lot ... But does exactly the same ?

I mean on this example he vists the area famous for brothels ... Then goes on the piss IN a brothel pub/club ... And they cant beelieve when he ends up shagging a (male) prossie ? What else were u there for fwenge ?

I agree with a few posts above re just enjoy it and the like, but dont try make out something it wasnt

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure what is more upsetting, the blog or the responses to the blog?
It is obvious both you and the big majority of your readers have no concept of the sheer horror of this industry that you have fueled.
I will give you a scenario, and if you are brave enough you will take yourself out of your own self centered world and put yourself in the world of another:
You are a twelve year old girl. you witness your parents sell you to a gang of men. You are taken away and put in a strange house. You are raped and beaten many times to know what to expect in your new life. You are sold to sometimes twenty men a day. If you do not make the men feel desired you are again beaten and brutally raped. You are chained to your bed at night so you don't escape. (imagine if there was a fire. Oh that's right, that happened not too long ago in Bangkok and 20 girls died). You are dumped in the street with nothing after a number of years when you no longer look fresh, with your whole life completely in tatters, a hatred of all men, and no future.
And, all you are worried about is how YOU feel about yourself!!

Anonymous said...

I am sorry Fweng, but that last post is spot on.
No, obviously you are not to blame for the plight of all the girls exploited in the third world sex trade. However, the underlying tone of your blog, is all about you.
The post is right, you may not have pulled her hair and called her a bitch, but I would guarantee that she despises you in the same way she does every man who pays to enter him/her.
Maybe when you are next working out if you should give a tip to the boy/girl in question, which he/she probably gives to the worst type of pimp, you should give it to a women's refuge for exploited victims of the sex trade.

Anonymous said...

He made a drunk mistake and owned up to it, lay off!!

Anonymous said...

That was a very quick response to my comment. mmmmm, not sitting there posting responses to defend yourself are you Fweng?

Anonymous said...

It technically cannot be a "drunken mistake" when fweng was voluntarily drinking and hanging around in, not just in a brothel/prossie area , but an actual BROTHEL CLUB itself !

fwengebola said...

Well hi, Anon. Firstly, let me say I'm not such a coward that I'll to pretend to be anonymous just to rebut your claims. I was at work at the time and in no position to reply, so let me to proudly respond now (using my anonymous handle.)

Where to start? There are several points. For one, "the underlying tone of your blog, is all about you"

Are you fucking serious? It's a fucking blog, you idiot.

Now please forgive my potty mouth. I've had nearly a bottle of wine to myself. But this is a blog and I am an independent vessel with my own stories, thoughts and opinions that I've chosen to share here. OF COURSE it's going to be about me. It's an online fucking diary you're reading.

Next point, Anon, you go to some lengths to educate me, as I have "no concept of the sheer horror of this industry that you have fueled."

Really? I can't understand hideous concepts such as rape, abduction, forced prostitution? And what's more, I'm fucking fuelling this shit? I'm flying in to Thailand with the express wish to EXPLOIT as many women - and ideally children as possible? You know you get a FUCK YOU for that, right?

I take it you're familiar with the concept of libel, because that's what you've just done. The nicest thing I can say about you right now is that I envy your living in a black-and-white world of absolutes, with no shades of grey or mitigating circumstances.

You'll never know, for example, that I was brought up exclusively by women; by a strong-willed mother crippled with Multiple Sclerosis, and an ambivalent and angry sister, and a loving, and long gone grandmother. My step-father kept his distance and left my upbringing to his new wife. My recently deceased father, bless him, was a quiet and unassuming man who chose not to get involved.

I think about this shit. I empathise. I care. And in a drunken moment of introspection, do you know what that makes me to women? Pathetic.

As someone with unshakable convictions who has clearly already made up their mind, you may find this difficult to understand: I am trapped, as someone who adores women and has the utmost respect for them, yet remains trapped an awkward, pathetic shell.

Let me clear something up from another Anon, this was no "brothel club". I wasn't even aware of where I was taken to - Nana Plaza - until after the event. As far as I'm concerned, it was just another bars in a country where there is a culture of prostitution waaay less hidden than it is in the West - okay, it's still hidden, but it's practically round every corner.

Now, to get to the point of my ire, you say I abused this woman. In fact, you've overlayed your own narrative and suggested she'd been forced into this since childhood, upon which I turn up with my wallet and tongue hanging out ready to rape her. Did you even read my post? Have you read the fucking years of angst before it? (In fairness, I wouldn't, and I wrote it).

Lets just say you are wrong. You are wrong about me, and I can say that with wrought-iron conviction because you weren't fucking there that you're wrong about her. I'm well aware - thank you - about the insidious and downright evil sex trade. I'm well aware about slavery. I'm well aware about abuse, and child sex, and about every base evil you accuse me of, but if I may, you have essentially seen me eating a chicken sandwich and screamed in my face that I'm an animal killer....

fwengebola said...

It was a bar. I have been in hundreds over the years, and this was no different. Tropical, yes. Dark and neon, yes. Bored strippers gyrating in front of poles, okay, yes, but THAT WASN'T EVIDENT WHEN WE WALKED IN. Hand on heart, our sole reason for choosing that place was that it had soccer on the TVs outside and you have NO FUCKING RIGHT telling me that I went there to abuse women and children.

I haven't had a girlfriend since 2006. I haven't had sex since this woman we're discussing now. Maybe if I saw 'chicks' more as commodities, I'd've gone on a few dates and fucked a handful and hey!, you'd've been happy with that because it's socially acceptable, right? 'Playing the field?'

Fuck you and your hypocrisy.

Everything I've described is in my post. I realise the bar was more brothel than drinking hole after the event. I was adamant about not sleeping with her for for the same fucking reasons you have in your head about sleeping with prostitutes right now. It IS deplorable. It IS criminal. It IS wrong.

But you miss my point entirely.

I found love, and affection, or what appeared to be love and affection. I hadn't had it for years, not on a personal, romantic level. I wasn't looking for it but it appeared and I missed it. I craved it, and I wanted to share it.

I still think about her, and I hope to god she's safe and happy. And to the Anon who seems to guarantee that "she despises you in the same way she does every man who pays to enter him/her" - were you fucking there? Do you know her mind? Do you know the mind of every single person who works in the service trade in every role imaginable, from prostitute to office worker to call centre operative? She despises me? Really? Because fuck you too.

She was the last person I slept with. This was several years ago.

A few interesting points have been raised here, and while I'm not above criticism, there are a lot of important issues that need addressing; namely, your taking a blunt, black-and-white view. I can't be more honest than I already have, and if you assume by my actions that I was and am an abusive and selfish vulture of the poor and weak and fallen, you're mistaken.

Seriously, you're very, very mistaken.

Z said...

Dear Fweng, I haven't used blogger for a while so can't remember if you can turn off comments on a particular post, but if it's possible, I recommend that you do so. This was three and a half years ago and you don't need this. I stand by what I said in my first comment - move on. It was your first night there, you were naïve (and jet-lagged) and it felt like a tender occasion, and quite likely was.

Anonymous said...

I think it is you who have missed my point entirely.

Yes this is a blog, so it will be about you, but you also have the platform to talk about her. You are not the first and will sadly not be the last man to go to a country like Thailand and give in to a male urge. I also totally accept you didn't go to Thailand or maybe even out that evening with the intention of doing what you did. BUT you did it.

You are wrong if you think prostitution in those countries is a choice. It is not girls paying their way through college. It is forced, in the most brutal way. Those girls have to make their customers feel a certain way or the repercussions are horrendous.

Even in your response you still talk about you craving affection, your difficult circumstances, etc. You just don't seem to understand how fortunate you are. If one of your concerns in life is having an annoying sister, I would suggest this is slightly lower down in the 'life has dealt me a poor hand' than being chained to a bed and sold as a child.

Your life is actually great, you just can't see it. You have a job and the ability to change it if you desire. You have your own place to live. You have hundreds of people on your blog seemingly willing you to be happy. It is the kind of life those slaves in the third world couldn't even imagine in their dreams.

You made a huge mistake, and if it was three years ago, you still don't seem willing to see the reality of it.

Maybe it is time for you to stop feeling so sorry for yourself and think of others. Maybe when you do that, you may actually become the desirable person you keep saying you are not.

Anonymous said...

Dear Fweng, I have read your blog for a long time and never before posted. Amusement and exasperation in equal measures is how I would describe the experience. Compared to others you retain the ability to demand the readers affection, even through the experience which has been debated so passionately here.
However, I will say for the first time I am not on your side. Your defensive rants against the poster are ill judged. I would presume from the tones of the post that the reader has an interest in the subject, deeper than you have considered. As a minimum it is someone who has researched the issue and has anger at the flippancy with which you and some of your readers treated the experience. You only have to read the responses above to see where the anger may come from.
Your response against the points raised was both blindly defensive and unnecessarily aggressive. How can you say 'Fuck you' to someone who is defending the interests of innocent victims of the worst atrocities?
You have lost me as a reader Fweng, at least for now. If ever I do return, I hope to find you have heeded her advice, and start to look outside yourself. I had wanted to post a 'what women want' reply for a long time, but didn't want to patronise you. However, seeing this is an introduction and farewell I shall post my thought for you anyway. To make yourself more desirable to women Fweng, make your encounters with them about them and not about you. I once read a story about how a man seduced his beautiful wife in less than 100 words. He listened. He stopped being worried about how she may view him. His only concerns were her concerns, her interests, her joys. If ever I can find it, I'll send it to you.

fwengebola said...

I'm keeping last night's reply up there even though it was written at the wrong end of a bottle of Pinotage and my 'Fuck You's were borne out of anger at the criticism, plus booze.

I repeat that I'm not above criticism, but the argument from some is that I knowingly took advantage of an abused women, something I consider to be a huge slur as they were not there that night. How they know - know - without question that she was forced into prostitution since childhood is a huge leap of faith that paints me some leering, evil sex-tourist who went there to deliberately rape a victim of abuse.

It is neat and convenient to have these black and white views, but life isn't that tidy.

I have told my story, and it is what it is: drinking in a few bars with the guys. We did not seek out those places, and it is impossible in Thailand to tell the difference between a bar, and a bar full of 'working girls', as they all look like bars. Our intention was to have a few drinks on holiday; nothing more, nothing less. Now I wasn’t saying "'Fuck you' to someone who is defending the interests of innocent victims of the worst atrocities." I have been honest in my telling of the story and everyone is entitled to their opinion. But when an additional narrative is inserted where I've a) gone looking to take advantage of someone and b), she would've definitely been forced into it, I have a huge problem there.

I am dead against slavery, forced prostitution and the infringement of anyone's civil liberties, let alone child abuse. I was saying "Fuck you" to the suggestion, the slur, that I gladly indulged in it all, and that I’m at the mercy of my “male urge” as if I’m some kind of ape who abuses women – women, who by the way according to that Anon, seem to have no such desires and are under the male cosh. The woman involved in my story was not a child or even a teenager. Neither was I willing to sleep with anyone for money, and, I'm sorry to say, there wasn't the slightest hint of her doing anything against her will.

I know this is hard for my critics to understand, but she was phenomenally insistent. That's why it happened. Furthermore, I can tell the difference between someone being forced to do something against their will, and someone who isn’t. Yes, I could've left that night, but I think we've established that I appreciated the attention. When you've not had romantic attraction for years, it's incredible flattering and desirable when it appears. And at the risk of sounding like a male chauvinist, women famously get far more attention than men, to the point where it can be frustrating at the unwanted attention. In comparison, try living a life where you have no attention at all barring perhaps one smile from a passer-by in 1996, and see how that affects your judgement after several years.
Once again, not everything in this world is neat and tidy and black and white and I'm tired of defending this post. If you want to say I'm no better than a rapist whilst claiming to know the woman was definitely abused, that is your prerogative. I don't delete comments except spam so it will remain for you and others to read, but do understand I’ve said all I want to say in my defence.

Anonymous said...

Wow there is a lot to read on here . Im the anonymous , gareth, who wondered why u were so defensive about getting in this situation whilst hanging around prossie clubs in the first place . Well errr i still stand by my view of why u were there in the first place . NOT TO MENTION that u got wanked off by another girl/boy before or after on another occasion ?
So it happened twice ?

Youre either the luckiest or unluckiest person on the planet

Oh and not sure what having a crap annoying sister has to do with this sex prowling behaviour

fwengebola said...

I don't know either. I was drunk.

Anonymous said...

Where do these holier-than-thou assholes come from to pick apart your mistakes? It's like they really believe they, themselves, have done no wrong. This world would be a better place if everyone addressed "the log in their own eye" before they look "at the speck of sawdust" in someone else's. If the self-righteous bastards did that, though, they wouldn't have any time on their hands to harangue you! :)

Fweng, I applaud you for putting your story and thoughts out there publicly. You've had an experience, now we can all learn from it and move on.

The people that want to scream and rage about their pet injustices (while being unjust themselves) are just wasting oxygen and everyone else's time.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious story - brilliant!! :D

This is also a telling little fable on how cerebral, reserved Brits with hypersensitive social consciences can get taken advantage of so easily by denizens of a much more earthy and practical culture.

Anonymous said...

This was quite a good read and i do fully understand that people go to Thailand and end up buying sex. The thing is that most bars in tourist areas especially in places like nana plaza either have "hookers" working for them hence the barfine you paid or freelancers visiting the bar for a pickup. From your description you more likely were in a gogo bar than in one of the bars in front of nana, but visiting the bars you could actually interact with the girls just like you would back home, except for the fact that the girls are trying to get in contact with you not the other way around. So you might not have wanted to go with a prostitute but you might not realize that she is that until it is "to late"

I myself have paid for girls services i'm not about to hide that and i'm not ashamed of it and neither should you. There are almost no forced prostitution in Thailand and the stories of girls being sold by their parents are just that, stories. No the fact is that many of the girls in the bars are from pour rual areas where the girls can expect to earn just a few £ a day. at the same time many of these pour small cities are filled with big expensive houses owned by former bargirls. So the girls willingly travel to bangkok, pattaya etc. to work in bars. It is their choice to make 30-40.000 baht a month by having sex with men instead of hard manual work that maybe make them 30-40.000 baht a year. Also there is a chance to meet a "Rich" westerner that can take care of them and their family.

When we are talking about abusing girls i would say that the girls are no stranger to abusing men. They are masters at persuading men into having sex with them, in to making men think they love him, into paying extra. Infact many of the prettiest girls have several westerner boyfriends paying them money every month not to work in the bar.

So don't feel so ashamed enjoy life.

Anonymous said...

My God, where do you lot get off??

That last poster wrote "There are almost no forced prostitution in Thailand and the stories of girls being sold by their parents are just that, stories".

The girls in third world countries like Thailand are abused horrendously by the owners of the bars, who also PAY for the same girls. They are the victims, not you bunch of scum bags who go and pay for them and then make out you were the victim of her/his persistence.

The story is bad enough, but the thread of responses after is absolutely disgraceful.

It would take you less than an hour to do proper research on the reality of Thailand's prostitute problem with Western Tourists. There are literally thousands of horror stories.

Stop the denial of your despicable actions, it is victimizing the girls all over again!!

Anonymous said...

You bunch of morons.... Most of them are forced into it so they can make money from sex tourists like i guys.

HOWEVER on this one theres another issue at stake. Fweng shagged a bloke so the bigger issue here is that Fweng is in the closet and a repressed homosexual ... Esp as he seems to spend a lot of time hanging gay clubs and districts when on holiday

fwengebola said...

I don't think this argument will ever die. I have made myself quite clear, both in the original post, and in my many rebuttals above. This happened several years ago now. While I doubt anything has changed over there coups notwithstanding, I still find it fascinating that people whinge here as if doing so completely rids the world of prostitution. I'm equally gobsmacked at the constant assertion that every working girl on earth has been forced into it against her will since childhood, because all men are bastards. You are hopelessly naive.

I'm also amused you think calling me a repressed homosexual will piss me off. I've gay friends and gay relatives and about as pro-gay as they get. Where do you get your insults from, 1972? Keep trolling.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmm NOPE. The vast majority of girl and boy prostitutes in poor countries are forced into it and are doing it for sex tourists - like you ... U seem rather baffling in denial about this.

Re your gayness ; at what point did i say it as an insult ? You knew the thai ladyboy was errr a bloke but went for it and said it was the best sexual experience youve ever had .... Ive read other parts of your blog too and u do tend to be attracted to gay clubs, gay districts, transvestites etc both in London and abroad. Why not face facts that u are homosexual and then maybe you might be able to be happy ?

fwengebola said...

Hello "Gareth." Kindly provide a source for your sweeping statement about most prostitutes, otherwise you're doing what's colloquially referred to as 'talking out of your arse.'

Your tone and frequent appearance here suggests you're in it for the trolling, so I took the gay comments to be an insult.

The twist in the post was that I didn't know she was born male. So 'errr' I didn't think I was having sex with a man. And neither did she look or act like a man, which apparently is a trait gay men seem to like in their sexual partners.

And neither did I say this was "the best sexual experience" I've ever had. I find it very odd that someone who seems so keen to argue about sex trafficking and the plight of exploited women resorts to 'ha ha u're gay!'

Switch your Gareth persona to someone else, if I were you. I'm pretty sure all the whinging Anon's here are the same trolling twat.

Anonymous said...

Gareth, Fwengs sexuality is not the big issue, as you said. It's not even an issue. In fact it's got nothing to do with you at all so stop trying to provoke.

Prostitution is not a straight-forward subject. Forced prostitution does exist especially in some poorer countries and it's disgusting and wrong. I'm sure it exists in Thailand. However, not all prostitution in Thailand is forced. Some do it to make money because it pays a lot more than other work like manual labour. Others need the money to help their families survive. Some ladyboys do it to pay for the cosmetic surgery they want for sex change operations. Why some people have to generalise and exagerate everything to make their point is beyond me.

Fweng was lonely, drunk and made a mistake that he regrets. Prostitutes are everywhere in Bangkok and you often can't tell them apart from other girls. The temptation there is like no where else i've experienced. No matter how strong willed a guy is, when the temptation is right in front of you it's difficult to turn down. Not impossible but difficult. Alcohol doesn't help. I'm not condoning prostitution but give Fweng a break.

Anonymous said...

I'm not Gareth. I doubt Gareth is Gareth but that is irrelevant as is Fweng's sexuality.
What is relevant is the response of Fweng and the readers to prostitution in the third world.
Read this lot and decide for yourself:

"Relax. It's just sex. Transgendered or not, it really doesn't matter. Beating yourself up? Pretty pointless."

"In the end, does it matter? Does it? You thought it was a woman. No fault of yours that it wasn't."

"so try not to beat yourself up about it"

"Just chill. We're all just animals and you needed sex, she needed money"

" its just normal to get tempted on things like sex, since its a human nature after all."

" So what, sounded like you enjoyed yourself. It's not like she wouldn't be there otherwise."

And one of the most outrageous denials probably ever:

“When we are talking about abusing girls i would say that the girls are no stranger to abusing men. They are masters at persuading men into having sex with them”

Read Fweng's own denial about the whole experience:

"I didn't so much as stumble into a precinct of sex as was escorted there by the other guys that night. All I knew was we were headed to 'some bars"

"I'm just bothered by the whole fiduciary transaction and stigma of the whole affair."

"It's just the buying aspect. Not overtly happy about that one"

"I was a nice Trick."

That to me trivializes an industry that shouldn't be looked at that way.

Believe it or not there are laws in place in Thailand stipulating 50% of the ‘love money’ goes to the prostitute. However, if you consider prostitution is illegal, you can start to get the idea that the bar owners are not too frightened of the legal side of life. There has never and could never be a legal case in Thailand where a prostitute sues a bar owner for breach of contract under employment law. The ‘laws’ were passed after a convention on the plight of third world prostitutes. The Thai Government like the Indian Government and many many others, turn a blind eye to the plight of the girls. A huge sum of money is coming into their economies; if their own citizens are exploited to maintain this income; then so be it. The laws are a sham. The girls are not protected. The girls do not have limits on the number of men using them. The girls do not have set days off. Most of the girls start in this ‘trade’ underage. The girls are owned. You write in a way that I can presume means you are educated. I therefore can presume you are aware of how Eastern European women are trafficked into Western European countries to be sold as prostitutes? You are aware how they have their passports stolen, how they are beaten and raped, how they are told their families will be killed if they try to escape, how they are sold to scores of men daily? That is happening in your own country, with a strong government, a police force with powers to prevent these acts. Maybe now, you could start to comprehend the reality of the horrors of prostitution in the third world?

Anonymous said...

Funny post but funnier comments after. The writer is a prostitute user in denial as is some of his readers and the 'holier than thou' people are exactly that, although probably right about the writer.

Anonymous said...

Thailand is a culture that doesn't look down on sex workers and has a very open attitude towards sex. The girls in the industry are free. They come from all over the world to work there. They don't have to get them to do it against their will. There are enough willing and eager to do it freely. They make great money and enjoy it. There are good days and bad days at any job. Lady boys especially enjoy sex. Assuming he isn't a bad looking guy, she probably was really I to it. Sounds like a good time. I would prefer pre-op but I guess I'm just old fashioned that way.

Anonymous said...

Incredibly dangerous to post that third world prostitutes are free. You should only comment if you know the reality. Check out the work by 'Third World Orphans', if you really want to be armed with genuine information about a trade which is a shame on each and every man who has used one of these girls!

Anonymous said...

You are disgusting. Men like you make me sick! Condoms don't protect against HPV, and you can bet your boots you've caught that if you've slept with a hooker. People carry it in their groins, and not only on their genitalia, and you can't always see it. HPV types 11 and 16 lead to cervical cancer in women, so if your future girlfriend or wife dies on cervical cancer, remember that she probably caught it from you and your ladyboy hooker. Men like you disgust me! Rot in hell!

Anonymous said...

There is an immunization for the dangerous HPVs let's all get that. :)

Anonymous said...

chill people chill. You guys got some serious inserted heads up butts issues if you getting on Fwengs back for this. Young dude gets drunk in foreign country, young dude thinks with dick when drunk, young dude pays for sex. Young dude behaves like young dude. Nothing to see here, move on people.

Anonymous said...

Hi F,

Thank you for your candid account. Agree with the general sentiment that the sex trade is a problem, but also aware that errors of judgement are part of life - you owned up to it, and I suspect won't make the same decision twice.

I'll admit, an acquaintance and I slept with two ladyboys (pre op, so no doubt there) a few years ago. I use the term for the sake of convenience and not as a term of disparagement.

We were in the Philippines and were walking back to our hotel,through a red light district, when we were approached. We declined, they persisted, we walked on declining, they persisted. Drunkenly we agreed. But were adament that no money would change hands (none did - though the friend suspects he had some money stolen, but that wasn't confirmed).

I've always regretted the drunken decision. The actual night was a lot of fun. Ladyboys have a particular appeal - one I only realised that evening (I only realised they were lady boys when we arrived at the hotel). I hope I was kind and polite enough.

However, after, one feels shame, worry, guilt.

Guilt - despite not paying, I feel exploitative. Some how adding to the system.

Shame - there was a certain grubbiness to the whole exchange (initially I felt shame about them being lady boys but ultimately concluded this was an unacceptable bigotry). Sex and nothing more. Something I can't share with others without becoming an object of ridicule. This has led me to deep holes of sadness and isolation.

Worry - I have lost contact with the friend (I have since gotten a check up (a condom was used as per the lady boys wise request) and was fine). I would love to know whether he is OK.

Finally, I wish I had gotten an email or the like from the lady boys. To learn about their lives. Perhaps help them, or seek their help.

I wish I could wind back the clock. I have pored over the minutiae of factors leading to the encounter in the street. But, no do-overs.

As Z seems to suggest, a mistake made, lesson learnt. Don't bash yourself up. Avoid a repeat, and be a better person.

Again, thanks for the forthrightness of your blog. It's taken me several years to open up about that night to close friends. I am impressed by you doing so so quickly, and taking part in the discussion that follows.

Anonymous said...

No matter how tempting the girl or lady boy was for you, you should have walked away no matter how much you wanted it. It's dangerous for your sexual health and your future partner sexual health. You are not a strong man at all and testosterone is no longer a valid excuse for things like this. Keep going down the road of being a weak man who can't even fend off a freak ladyBOY and you'll get the consequence of all them nasty stds and sti's. Playing with fire and you're weak.