Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Grateful Apology

Right, let's get straight to the point: I'M SORRY. That's to anyone who's still around reading this thing: I'M REALLY VERY SORRY.

It's hard not to be introspective when writing a "blog" about "yourself", but bloody hell, what the fuck has been wrong with me??

I've just re-read the last few months of posts - something I never do - because I haven't written for a while and I wanted to get reacquainted... and I've found myself shocked at the uncensored, self-absorbed navel gazing; moreover the months of endless, unmitigated misery.

I didn't recognise myself. I sounded almost suicidal. I remember being advised to seek therapy and, at the time, thinking that was a bit of a harsh response, but now I understand why it was suggested. So thank you, all of you, and apologies again. Looking back - literally - I can see why it looked as if I was cracking up, predominantly because I was.

So I went on this diet, of which I'm still on, and fully intend to remain on more or less forever. It's pretty sensible, based on a little more fruit and veg in my life, and a little less Ben & Jerry breakfasts, elephant-sized packs of Doritos, and 18" pizzas as an amuse-bouche that preceeds a fish and chips main course.

The difference between this diet now, and every single diet I've ever done in my entire life, is that I accept that it's not so much a diet as 'The Norm'. Prior to this, my food intake was not dissimilar to a drug addict on a binge, where the narcotic of choice happens to be crap processed food, abused on a daily basis.

Said crap food became its own salesman too, promoting itself once it was digested and I felt shitty again and needed cheering up once more. In fact, it's only occurring to me now that my diet has probably been more responsible than I care to realise for my endless funk (which is not a good place, outside of discos).

Things came to a head when, eventually, I felt I had no choice in this anymore; that I either snapped out of this bullshit and took control of things, or else remained miserable, writing Woe-Is-Me posts, and wondering why that blonde on the train keeps avoiding eye-contact with frowning Fatcunt.

This book has helped me immeasurably: Overcoming Weight Problems using cognitive behavioural techniques, and I strongly recommend it for anyone who has struggled to lose weight, particularly using just good old willpower and lettuce.

I've given up smoking using similar techniques (in that instance, Allen Carr's EasyWay), which also, essentially, bypasses sheer force of will (which will only ever last as long as can be hacked) and replaces it with your own logic and common sense.

So in a nutshell, that's it. Sorry. And no more misery. It's too miserable.

Besides, I think I'm getting happy.

And yes, personally, if this still lasts come winter, then I'll be impressed. I should also be thinner, and possibly even having sex.

That's right, I said it: Sex.


simon of nazareth said...

bring back buck

fwengebola said...

I had to Google that. You win most irrellevant comment ever. Well done.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Fwenge, I'm glad you're on the up. But I will miss your snivelling misery, so just chuck it in every so often as a reminder of the way things once were please. Can't have too many happy people in London. It disappoints the tourists.

simon of nazareth said...

i disagree. we like the old buck. it's a lot like the country singers and the lightbulb. one needs to change it. and the other needs to write a song about how good the old one was.

daisyfae said...

whew! but promise you'll still give us the occasional pissed off rant? i loved those!

Anonymous said...

There are still lots of us here! I have kept checking in to no posts so am happy to see you're alive and things are on the up. Good to see! Keep it up (but yes with some misery every now and then!)

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Oh, sure! Get us all addicted to your special brand of commentary and then pull the rug out from under our feet. Anyone can write a series of 'woe be me' posts but you have advanced ninja skills. Now you're going to shelf them? Nice work.

roadkill said...

Ach Fweng, don't apologise. We all know that blogging is a superb therapy substitute (perhaps even better than any known form of conventional therapy). At least you're talking -- much better for you than the sort of emotional constipation other,less open and eloquent people often have to endure.
And remember, there's a considerable number of strangely loyal fellow beings out there who read your stuff and care about you, quite irrespective of your BMI. So be happy and have a handful of cashew nuts. They work much better than Prozac.

sas said...

awesome sauce :)

Tired Dad said...

Thanks so much for deciding to stop writing about your absurd food intake by writing an overdue post about your FOOD INTAKE. Or lack thereof.


Looking forward to ...

Oh. Some good writing 'cos you CAN and also hoping you sort your shit out.

(Edited from a very long diatribe. Y'know. N'shit)

Quote said...

I agree with Tired Dad.

Anonymous said...

I'm on day 4 of The Master Cleanse. Feel clean n lemony n syrupy.


WV mizesto

looby said...

It might have been all those things but it's very entertaining and I love the slight air of flirtation in the comments.

So keep going big boy x

Z said...

Never mind you said sex, you said happy. Gosh.

Kaye T. said...

Love your blog. Keep it up. You make me happy. I hope you find happiness although that tends to beat the interesting parts out of people doesn't it!? Ok, maybe I'm twisted....check out my blog. If you like it maybe you can join as a follower.

fwengebola said...

PDEWYjoO ~ Thank you. But don't worry. Despite this humourless post, I have zero intention of stopping whinging.
I can't, for one thing.
Simon ~ Of course, I got the reference long after I queried it. Around about the time you responded, really.
Df ~ Yes, yes, I will. I have to. I've no other outlet.
Well, apart from talking to people.
Anon ~ Yes, still here, and alive and bitching.
UB ~ I'm happy! I'm not fucking content. And as stated fully intend to complain.
Roadkill ~ That is far too kind. It's stuff like that that snaps me out of the shit when I really get down. I'm very embarrassed.
Sas ~ I am also very grateful for your condiment-based sentiments.
TD ~ That's very touching coming from an excellent fellow miserablist. Please read DOCTOR WITH HIS FINGER UP MY ARSE post. It's the nearest I've had to proper material for a long time.
Quote ~ And I am in acknowlegement of said agreement, and respond in kind.
Anon ~ Is this spam? WTF?
Loob ~ Really? Flirtation? I wish I could read between the lines. And bless you, you old hunk.
Z ~ Yes I am. I really think I am.
Kaye ~ You're very kind but you're also spamming.

luna said...

Remarkable, you hid your transforming activities pretty well from us didn't you?And you spring back again like a rabbit out of a magician's hat.

I want to know by what process exactly.

Can you be more specific about what it was in the cognitive thingy that finally did it for you?

I skimmed over the Allen Carr book but did not finish it.What is it exactly that convinced you?

I laughed at the realisation that almost all your followers feel slightly crestfallen that you are no longer on your miserable old git trip,telling or what.

fwengebola said...

To answer your first question: Diet, and (mild) exercise (viz; walking)
With regards the diet book, the most effective part for me was where they invite you to write down where you think you'll be in 5 years time, in detail, from age, to work, to residence, if you carry on eating and drinking as per usual, all the positives and negatives. It has to be wide-ranging and as thought out as possible, such as any possible events or holidays, ages of loved ones and what they might be going through, etc.
The next stage is as the above, but now having dieted and kept the weight off, listing again all the positives and negatives.
It sounds almost trite to repeat it, but in the context of the book, and having done it (mentally though, I didn't write anything down), it snapped me out of my lethargy.

Allen Carr was similar, and it took 10 years (when I first read it). Similar kind of process, as it also sets the seed in your mind, and with smoking it was the thought that I didn't need it, never needed it, and I'd merely addicted myself to a substance that is nothing more than a nicotine absorbing device.

I was amused that anyone might think I've suddenly stopped complaining. I can't just switch that shit off.

I can however be quite boring. This whole reply, for example, is pretty much dull as shit.

luna said...

So it's a Cost/Benefit exercise.
very rational.

It's boring but it's useful.
And we need useful stuff now and then
to carry on our lives.

fwengebola said...

Wait, cost/benefit? Is that management speak? Because you've just ruined everything.
It is not cost/benefit, whatever that means, because it sounds like the explanation of someone whose soul and sense of humour has been removed.