Monday, April 26, 2010

New Place: I Am A Bit Less Hateful Towards The Earth

I think it’s safe to say, 3 weeks into my move to New Place, that I’m relatively not unhappy.

It’s taken longer than I thought to settle in, but 4 Ikea visits later, my furniture’s all bought and built and fitted blinds now replace my temporary slabs of cardboard. My new HD TV arrived this morning, and my sofa’s coming in two day’s time - if, that is, they can fit the damn thing through the front door. I forgot to check that.

My broadband’s being connected this Thursday (this is being typed on Sunday for a Monday work upload when no-one’s looking), my telephone line’s finally in, and all the loose ends are finally tied up. Now I can stop to think in my lovely tiny flat with its brand new fixtures and fittings… and I’m bored. There is nothing left to do.

I can’t remember what I did at weekends at Old Place (otherwise known as Chiswick, corner of Goldhawk Road and the High Street, just opposite the now defunct VW showroom and above the chemists), but I think having a Large Northern Flatmate a mere yell away in the next room with an off-licence below us and Internet everywhere, I was covered for the most basic of non-isolated-feeling weekends.

Yet here, in Nameless New Place Nearish London, I had to go for a walk yesterday just to get out and feel some sun. I found a very pleasant park nearby, ruined by some teen scamps drinking lager and staring. Then I found myself in Sainsburys, toyed buying some Amaretto, and bought pizza and wine instead to consume in the dark.

In other terribly exciting developments over the last few weeks:

I sprayed some WD40 into the squeaky cupboard that houses my fridge. My food still smells of lubricant.

I instructed a friend to park in my allocated, numbered space that I don’t personally use as I sold my car 6 years ago. We returned to find a car blocking him in, with a neighbourly “Thanks, Dickhead” note on his windscreen by a man who thought that the space was his. (He’s since apologised.)

I left a friendlier note under my new neighbour’s door, as it transpires my bedroom wall, and thus my head and ears, are about 5 mil from the back of their washing machine which they’d ran ‘til midnight on a school night.

Some other new homeowner in this development is a selfish bastard. Some evenings, notably Friday or Saturday nights, I can hear the muffled slam of a front door around 1am, followed by heavy footsteps somewhere, followed by more door slamming. I have yet to hear yells but I did hear the hard, rhythmic thumps of someone demanding someone else shut the fuck up, which neatly demonstrates why I really, really, really love other people.

I now have Sky TV meaning I’ve recorded an overabundance of Family Guys and Frasiers. In fact, that’s all I seem to watch; that, an Australian Reality doc called Nothing To Declare, and Babestation for ten minutes once when I was drunk, although it’s utter shit.

I have also discovered a family of bats living in the eaves of the building, and a future mosquito hazard thanks to the central water feature of the development (which has currently gone green because the developers are still building and there’s no point dredging it until they’re done). Oh, there’s also the relaxing sound of hammering at 9am on weekends.

There will also be a gym ready for use in a month’s time, so I could potentially CHANGE MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE living here, but we’ll see. I’m well aware of this incredible opportunity I’ve been afforded, although I tend to fuck up things like incredible opportunities.

So there we go, my first update in New Place. I’ll have broadband at the end of the week, so expect plenty of lonely angst in the coming months.


Blue soup said...

Hey Fweng, pleased to hear that you are settled and "not unhappy". It's weird isn't it when you find yourself alone with nothing to do? I spend ages longing for peace and quiet where people won't hassle me during the week and, when the weekend comes around (for I rarely socialise on the weekend really), I am bored rigid!

If you want someone to go to the park with, I'm happy to while away an afternoon wandering around hating the world with you!

Looking forward to Thursday and your return to blogging proper!

sas said...

christ i live about 7 minutes from the Old Place. we could have passed each other on the street.

anyway - New Place sounds awesome. have you thought about getting a plant?

at AA they suggest getting a plant, then a pet, then a partner.

by following these three easy steps, you could be literally having sex with an actual person by christmas.


Peach said...

that's the trouble with sorting your life out, it ends up sorted. in a few months, you'll feel like getting up, getting a new job and a new bird too, and then where will this blog be, eh ?

I don't know Fweng, for the sake of YOUR ART, you should fuck up a bit more. Christ boring otherwise.



Anonymous said...

sounds festive - and being bored on occasion is good for the brain. tends to unleash creativity. or endless wank-fests... congratulations on a successful more!

Dandelion said...

OMG You lived on Chiswick High Road! NOW you tell us!

If you're bored, and you've got a computer, maybe you could write a novel or something? Alternatively, once your broadband's up and running, you'll have YouTube to entertain you...

PurestGreen said...

OMG no one bug him about writing a novel! The novel is good. It is great. Let us read it.

You know, this is the happiest I think I have seen/heard/read you.

I'm happy for you. New place. New life. Bats are cool.

Mad Cat Lady said...

oh man, you have a sofa already? I've been living in my flat for four years and I still don't have a sofa. I feel terribly slack now.

Z said...

I've got a chilli plant you can have.

Vi said...

I love nothing to makes me wise when travelling home lol.

heybartender said...

Maybe the bats will eat the mosquitos? Then you'll have your own wildlife documentary right in the yard! No need for telly.

Anonymous said...

I feel for you; I have a door slamming neighbour as well!! He slams doors and windows, yells at his gf, and is basicaly an A-grade asshole. Perhaps I can murder your door slammer and you murder would be like Hitchcock's Strangers on a Train. ;)

Quote said...

Nice one.

P.S. My word verification is happe


Anonymous said...

wanking angst? lets just call it 'wangst'. i do.

McTodd said...

Where's your bloody broadband?

fwengebola said...

BS ~ Guess what I am right now? Alone, with nothing to do. So I'm replying to comments.
We could go park wandering now, except I'm pretty sure you're not that local.
Sas ~ Yes, I have a feeling I know where you are; several feet up in the air overlooking the Westway.
I was given a plant as a housewarming present from friends. Doubt I'll be having sex anytime soon though.
Peach ~ Art? Are you kidding? Well on the plus side, things are pretty sorted now, hence the broadband reply, hence everything now settling into a brand new rut, hence a smidge of boredom. Oh goodie.
df ~ Isn't festive Christmas-based? Or am I making that up?
But everything's sorted. Prepare the tissues.
Dand ~ Yes, very good.
I'm sure I gave frequent clues as to my locale. Occasional references to being near Hammersmith was one of them.
PG ~ Squeeee! Thank you.
The novel is shit though. Really.
The thought of restarting it is actually quite petrifying too.
MCL ~ Wow, what the hell do you sit on???
Z ~ Really? Chilli? Do chillis grow on it? And isn't it too chilly here to grow chillis?
But thank you. That's very kind.
Vi ~ Yeah, I have thought that those shows are good primers in how to evade detection.
HB ~ Hey, do bats eat mosquitos? Because if they do, I won't then mind them so much.
Anon ~ Yes, but do murder cases need alibis any more? Did they ever?
But yes, give me your details and I will smother him with a pillow.
Quote ~ Oh hello, Quote. Thank you. Don't worry, I'll fuck up soon.
Anon ~ I don't believe I've got wanking angst, just wanking happiness. Wappiness.
McTodd ~ Here! Here's my bloody broadband!

McTodd said...

At bloody last!

Z said...

Real chillies, yes. They don't need that big a pot, you could have it on a sunny windowsill. I could post it (to your place of work (as it wouldn't fit through the letterbox and you're afraid I might stalk you) or I could hand it over in person (though that would terrify us both so we probably aren't going to do that).

Mad Cat Lady said...

I used to have one of those fold out camping chairs, but it gave up the ghost and since then I've been sitting on a footstool.

(I just asked the postman how to spell footstool, cause it looked wrong when I typed it, and he said he had no idea and why ask me? and I got to say because you are a man of letters hahahaha I made a funny)

luna said...

Be careful with the bats.
I'm amazed they let you move in with them.
After all they're a protected species and you could give them your rabies poor things.

fwengebola said...

McT ~ Yes, and I have nothing to say for myself.
Z ~ Good lord, thank you. I cannot accept a gift by post. That would be unfair. I will receive it in your kitchen and stay put for a fortnight.
MCL ~ Was that for the benefit of the gag? Because I've got an image of the postman stood behind you when you typed that comment and, well, you never know.
Luna ~ Creepy little bastards, they are. They fly in a very frantic way.

Z said...

Oh, okay. That would be fine.

Mad Cat Lady said...

lol - he came in to deliver the mail while I was inappropriately commenting on your blog on the work computer.