Friday, April 16, 2010


Internet being installed at my new flat approx last week in April.

Typing this out frantically at work.

Loving the new flat; shame about the lack of anything to sit on, and the cardboard covering over the windows in lieu of actual curtains.

Still not had sex yet.

Thanks for the hundreds of comments demanding an update.

(That was sarcasm. I've heard nothing.)

And now back to work :(


Ellie said...

Please get laid soon.

Vi said...

Your blog wouldn't be the same without any sarcasm. This just wasn't enough for you. I'll let it slide since you have no internet. I expect you to be back in full hate by May!

Cheryl said...

Is it wrong to laugh at someone else's pain? You are one of the funniest voices in the bloggy world so please, please keep up the updates!!!! See, one person, at least, demands updates.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

I misread the post title as "Limo." I thought things had taken a dramatic turn for the better. I imagined two vapid 20-year old models giving you head in the back of a long, black town car. Smoked glass between you and the driver.

Anonymous said...

please keep up your blog as best you can... i'm starting to think my life sucks, and need you to remind me it could suck worse...

Z said...

Oh, sod it darling. If I'd said anything, you'd have complained I was nagging. I come here as soon as you write and I respect your complete arse-numbing indolence about posting. Right now, I've got 587 unread posts in the feed-reader and I've chosen you to read before I've written today's post myself on my own blog.

Anyway, when was the last time you put a comment on my blog? Months ago. If not a year or more.

Sarcasm, my left foot. I crush sarcasm with my thumb.

Welcome to your new home, by the way. I hope you will be extremely happy there and, within a few weeks, be getting as much sex as ... oh, let's say, a 56-year-old in Norfolk.

Dandelion said...

Please, we want some photos. Also we want to talk about John Lewis soft furnishings. And if you're on a shoestring, have you tried freecycle?

McTodd said...

Last week of April?!?!?! You moved in weeks ago, have you no sense of priorities?!!?!???!

McTodd said...

"Sauvignon, mojitos and shots doth not a clear workday morning make..."

Shouldn't have them for breakfast then.

Jess Townsend said...

I demand an update! Angry fist waving. Furious shouting.

looby said...

This is going in the right direction. Next week: trendy blinds; May: sex.

Vi's picture is quite, er...nice.

Peach said...

but we KNOW what you've been doing: wanking in your new house, to 'christen' it, not getting laid, hating your job and moaning to others..

and we love you for it

(so don't stop) - or rather: hope you feel a bit better for having a new house..

... and...

how are you and how is it going ?


McTodd said...

Oi, when are you going to update your blog at work, you idle fucker?

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...


Whens the house warming? In lieu of hot girls, will you be inviting people from the internet?

fwengebola said...

Ellie ~ Yes, thank you. I’ll try properly. I’m becoming amenable to the idea.
Vi ~ I think with my inconsiderate neighbours and lack of activities up here, it won’t take til May.
Cheryl ~ I’m always shocked when you’re flattering. Sorry, that’s not meant to sound personal. It came out wrong. I’m trying for an update now. Hence this reply.
UB ~ Funnily enough, that did happen last week. I just chose not to blog about it.
df ~ Oh Christ, really? Never, ever give up. I am the biggest sucker. I am anticipating being diagnosed with cancer or something in that league very, very soon.
Z ~ Yay! I rule. Unfortunately I cannot comment on my last comment as I don’t have internet and can’t check. But I do read everyone’s blog – although not lately as mentioned – tending to lurk more than anything else.
Please tell me you get regular sex. Granted, that sounds odd, but perfectly normal within the context of your message.
Dand ~ I have heard of freecycling actually, but for some reason can’t find a nearby branch. I will try getting some photos up, but that’s not until I get broadband and can fanny around at home with cables and iPhones and whathaveyou.
Mc Fuck ~ Oh I have priorities. Sky don’t.
JT ~ Thank you Jess. Hello. It’s taken a somewhat inconvenient Word doc/ USB drive/ Work upload, but it’ll be there by the time you read this.
Loob ~ Ah, the blinds are in. Things like that I can book and pay for. Sex, less so. Okay, I’m aware that I still could… Oh sod it, go look at Vi’s lips again. They’ve been up there for a while, mind.
Peach ~ Ahoy Peach, it’s all lovely if limbo-ey, thanks. I haven’t wanked all over the flat to christen it, thank you. That would be disgusting. It’s just been the living room, the bathroom, the bedroom obviously, and the storage cupboards. Oh, and the kitchen. I haven’t wanked in the downstairs lobby. Things have even made the job liveable. I need to remember to be a bit more over-achieving, that’s all. How’s everything post-Thailand? I’d better read your blog. I haven’t really been checking anyone’s for, oh, two months.
McFuck again ~ Now. Or tomorrow to be more accurate, but you’ll obviously be reading this NOW, even if it’s next year.
PDEWYMO ~ Woooooo Jo! Where in the world are you? I’ll be checking out once I’m back online. Anyway, there’s no housewarming per se as it’s too small, so it’ll be a series of gatherings over different weekends, but no Internet dos as I don’t even do pub blogmeets. Face-to-face events tend to, what’s the word, crashingly disappoint? Not to mention the fact that everyone knows every disturbing fact about me, and I’ve just got to nod politely as people stand there grinning as they recall some disgusting thing I’d revealed. But then again never say never. Unless you’re talking about my clean new sanctuary. That’s a never.*
(* Doesn’t apply to unfussy well-endowed women with a high sex drive and no quality control.)

Z said...

Oh damn. Internet connection went down and I lost my beautifully written comment recommending the meeting of fellow bloggers. Do it once and you'll find that it's not at all horrible - nothing like a date, there are no expectations and it's a good experience.

And yes, I do indeed get regular sex, dear. Thank you for asking.

fwengebola said...

Wish I hadn't asked about the sex now. I feel odd.
I did once meet up with Internet people. Suffice to say, they were better left on the Internet :(

Z said...

It's all right, darling, I get many complimentary remarks on my evident post-coital glow. Ahem.

I met Dandelion through the internet, and Dave, who's helping us build our wall, as well as several other people whom I may or may not meet again but whose company I enjoyed for an hour or three. And my son met his wife and my other son met his girlfriend through the internet. So I still recommend.

fwengebola said...

I have done a bit of Internet dating in my time.
I still have reservations about that.
But as for everyone else, let me just get into reasonable, presentable shape first.