So, I spent this last week, post-blub-in-toilet, at home where I barely left my room in an attempt to get over myself (and my cold).
It was a strange illness as it didn't really knock me out, or annihilate my appetite or sense of taste. Instead I watched the remainder of Deadwood whilst eating sausage rolls and sneezing repeatedly, to the accompaniment of feeling really pathetic.
All this excitement culminated in my mother's 30th wedding anniversary. As her only son I was expected to attend, but I managed to hang onto my cold long enough to avoid it. In truth, I felt better by then, but mentally I couldn't handle seeing half a dozen close relations, let alone a further 90 I hadn't seen for years.
So I began this week on a different path. I have made diet and exercise my very dull priority (for the five billionth time). I haven't smoked for nine days. I've cycled to and from work every day this week (i.e. 3). I weighed myself yesterday and was shocked to discover that I've reached my all-time fattest weight, again. I was last there - 16 stone/ 224lbs - nine years ago. Following the Mother of All Diets, I vowed never to return.
Yet all I can think about is the newsagent below this rented apartment, and its full shelves stacked with fattening treats. Great. I'm stuck with this push/pull bullshit forever.
Why do the things I enjoy most, a drink here, a smoke there, an unhealthy snack everywhere, make me slowly miserable, and quickly dead? Is that fair? And as if to rub it in, as I scanned through today's paper following my wretched morning cycle to work, I came across this rather obvious yet mildly irritating article...
So it's official; Make yourself happy imbibing anything your heart desires, and it'll clog up before you're fifty - oh, and make you miserable too.
Or, become despicably boring and make Moderation and Discipline your ruthlessly dull mantra as you say 'No' to yourself on a daily basis, jogging all the while as you ignore the relentless screams of your inner self pleading with you to stop, and you'll allegedly be happy for keeps.
Damn you, life.