I've just made a colossal mistake.
To those of you who've been reading the previous posts, you'll know what's currently happening - i.e., not much.
Jesus, I'm scared to even allude to her...
Oh fuck it. I've been emailing my lovely American ex-girlfriend.
And I mentioned this blog.
I don't know why. I think because I'm such a miserable bastard in general, and I'm particularly miserable at the moment, and for some reason I was trying to prove to her what a miserable bastard I am because I dumped her years ago and made a massive mistake and now she's met someone else which, okay, is brilliant and I'm very happy for her (me, not so much).... that I mentioned my many years of whinging, in blog form.
My point was, 'tschh, I'm such a cynical miserable git that I've got a cynical, miserable blog' - why I thought she'd find that endearing, I don't know - but I didn't really think much about the end part, the BLOG part, when I pressed SEND. I did pause briefly, but I'm a) phenomenally tired right now, and b) overconfident that this anonymous diary of shit is buried so deep in the dullest recesses of the Internet that she'd never find it.
In reply, she asked if it was my blog she'd read years ago, the one I much later linked to Fwengebola.
I frantically attempted to unlink it, but I got scared that I'd fuck something up and delete my whole Fwengebola account. But in doing so, I realised I'm more scared of losing this blog than I am of losing someone who's already missing, presumed indifferent.
So feel free to question why I really chose to mention anything. Personally - and trust me on this - I know myself well enough to know that I'm just an idiot.
I'm incredibly angry with myself right now.
*** UPDATE ***
I'm going on a fucking diet.