Friday, February 13, 2009

Kierkegaard's Day

I’ve got a suggestion. Bear with me on this; it’s a little odd. I propose that we turn January 21st into Kierkegaard’s Day.

Kierkegaard, for those of you whose knowledge of Danish existentialists is a little rusty, was a hunchback philosopher who fell head over heels in love with a young lady, got engaged, then panicked and broke it off only to pine over her for the rest of his life a blubbering, celibate wreck. He should be the patron saint of all men everywhere, or perhaps just me.
He also wrote a whole bunch of profound stuff, but that’s not important right now.

January 21st, for those of you aware that it’s been designated the most depressing day of the year, is the most depressing day of the year. Xmas and New Year’s are blurry memories, we’re cold and skint, and the wretched realisation of our futile existence burns deep into our empty souls. Ok, just me again.

Now here’s where I bind all this together into a clumsy mess: We should honour this day in memory of the lovelorn Kierkegaard as an antidote to the most annoying day of the year: St Valentine’s.

St Valentine’s Day is a sham; a corporate guilt trip for anyone partnered up, while for the rest of us it’s a scornful reminder of how much sex we’re not getting (*cough*). On Kierkegaard’s Day, single people will rule. Couples shall hide in their rooms while the solos trawl streets overflowing with grinning desperados, celebrating the existentialist tenet that we are all unique in a hostile and indifferent world. We can go to restaurants alone, safe in the knowledge that we’re in some kind of real-life dating website with food. We can approach others with ready-made chat up lines; ‘Did you know that Kierkegaard thought sex was an abomination? Let’s be abominable.’

And if we still find ourselves staggering home alone, hot tears of bitter regret rolling down our fat, ruddy cheeks, at least we can appease ourselves with the thought that it’s the most depressing day of the year anyway, and our hero Kierkegaard, one of the world’s foremost thinkers and theologians, died a virgin.

I’ll take that over St Valentine’s Day.

Erm, maybe.


Dom said...

Nope, I'm pretty sure that a night of rampant shagging, sexy underwear and kinky acts in exchange for a card FAR outweighs your idea :) That said, I don't think the couples will be cowering on Kierkegaard's day either. You can have the streets, we'll retire to the bedroom and engage in bore gratuitous sex :)

Dom said...

Hmmm. *more*. Freudian slip there if I ever saw one :)

Huw said...

I believe the South Koreans have something along these lines on April 14th. You are allowed to go out and dine alone, suggestively waggling your eyebrows at other single-diners.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

I like it. I can certainly relate to it. The greeting card manufactures can design a line of greetings that feature a black, dripping heart.

daisyfae said...

i'm in. see you next January? oh, wait... that would be like a date, and i guess that's defeating the purpose...

Trixie said...

Isn't that every Saturday night?

i am not your freud said...

profound stuff? what is it? (sorry i had to say that after reading "but that's not important right now"

if he was head over heels in love, why did he break it off? bonus question: why do men look so interested and tell a girl that they are dying to see her, infact they can die any minute now and then disappear into thin air, as if they actually died? if they weren't interested, why did they look interested?

Digressica said...

Hmm, I just responded to this on my blog. I wholeheartedly support your motion for Kierkegaard's Day, or Unvalentine's Day as Charlie Brooker suggested. Especially after witnessing the apparent explosion of cute codependencies vomiting their mutual affection over every single table in every single restaurant in Oxford tonight. Ferchrissakes.

Dandelion said...

And don't call me Shirley.

Dandelion said...

And actually, I personally find Valentine's Day pretty sick whether you're in a couple or not. I'd rather be single than have to do forced displayes of affection in public or in private thank you very much, let alone ones which cost money. Oh, and I think Dom's attitude is pretty sick. If he isn't single, he should be :-)

heather said...

january 21st is my birthday and oddly, kierkegaard is my favorite philosopher. i like that he was a pussy for love. i also like his exploitation of vowels.

Clarissa said...

what trixie said.

luna said...

He was commitment phobe

fwengebola said...

Dom ~ So it's a win/ win for everyone. My point exactly.
Huw ~ Really? Excellent. I'd go Korean too, because I'm a man of the people.
UB ~ Oh god, I forgot about those money-grabbing whores. It'll just become another Hallmark holiday. Tsch.
df ~ Unless the purpose was to get laid, in which case: no. Having said that, I don't get laid on dates anyway.
Trix ~ It's every night, love.
IANYF ~ His profound stuff was his entire body of work. I think men lose interest once they test the water, get interest back, and realise there's no longer a 'chase' to be had.

Because we're idiots.

Dig ~ Well someone's gotta take a stand. It's unlikely to be me though. I'll just follow the herd when someone else does it.
Dand ~ Oh you find everyone to be pretty sick, eventually. Particularly those indulging in PDAs.
Heather ~ Oh hello. What a happy coincidence.
Can't say I'm aware of Kierkegaard's exploitation of vowels. Isn't that a Danish thing?
Clar ~ Nice piece of quick commenting.
Luna ~ Do ya think?