... as my Mum put it this afternoon, because I'm going to be a Best Man again; Oh, the honour, aah, the responsibility, hooray! the nervewracking speech in a crowded room as hundreds of critical eyes silently judge me.
I wish I could get over my public speaking anxiety, but it's like getting naked in the gents' changing room; I'm perfectly capable of doing it. I can even pretend that I'm not bothered about it - but I don't particularly enjoy it.
Nonetheless, it is a great honour to be Jimmy's oxymoronic Best Man, particularly as there were at least four other guys in the running ahead of myself. In fact, I'm still perplexed that it's me.
In other very vague 'news':
* I've had a haircut. I now look like a neo-Nazi.
* I have discovered I've regained all the weight I lost in October, plus a few extra pounds for good measure. I am now on another diet, as of this morning.
* I have given up smoking again. It's been 24 hours so far and I'm managing to resist the urge to kill.
* I went swimming for the first time this year. That's it.
* I discovered Google Reader and added an armada of blogs into it. Some of you may have noticed that I had been regularly leaving comments on your sites.
Now I'm not.
* I will be writing every night and finishing my damn book. It is an albatross around my neck.
* And finally, after watching 10 Years Younger last week (I saw their first tragic man on there), I've decided once and for all to cull my clothing and max out my credit card on SMART NEW GARMS. For too many years, I've promised myself a brand new wardrobe only once I lose weight or when I get a girlfriend to demand I do, but as I've proved to be clinically undateable and as weak-willed as a heroin addict backpacking through Afghanistan, I'm taking the plunge regardless.
I've already schlepped a bunch of schmutters to my local charity shop. And today, my £100 handmade leather brogues arrived in the post (75% off).
I've never had a little ejaculation from footwear before. Now I can't wait to tear my ankles to ribbons as women check those beauties out.
That is all.
*UPDATE* I'm now smoking. I'm really, really sorry.