Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Holy Trinity

It is Saturday night. I am sat at my desk typing eagerly as I sup my delicious glass of wine, throw a disgusting orange Dorito down my neck and - hang on - light this nicotinal arsenous monoxid preparation taken bronchially as an infumation; a cigarette.

I have quite literally been perfect right up until this last minute or two. What can I say? I'm sorry, but not as sorry as I'd be for the rest of the fidgety evening if I'd forsaken this bottle of cheap crap, bag of cheaper crap, and packet of gorgeous fags.

One night. Just give me one night.

Hang on, why am I asking for permission?

26 comments:

Z said...

Doesn't bother me, dear heart. You're the one who will hate yourself tomorrow. But why didn't you buy yourself a real treat instead of crappy old Doritos? If you'd spent the fag money on food, you could be indulging with style.

Angela-la-la said...

The internet as consciense, I like it.

i am not your freud said...

doritos and cigarettes... it's not like it's heroine and... i don't know... some deadly stuff. you're doing just fine. don't be so hard on yourself. i'm drunk again. yet healthy. see? it can happen. do whatever that pleases you.

Dandelion said...

Ah, orange doritos, the food of champions.

Yeah, what she said. Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. Everything else will follow.

ps give yourself a big kiss from me

Dandelion said...

pps dear freud, can i get an invite to your blog? please? my email's on my profile

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Wine + Doritos + Tobacco = surrender monkey.

Dinner of Champions!

British Gal Does Tokyo said...

Oh, I understand. And I shall magnanimously grant you permission.
I, too, have been trying to save money, cut down on drinking and live more healthily.
Bloody. boring. life. I hate it. Can't wait to get back to all nighters, massive hangovers, and general and specific over-indulgence.

Dom said...

Welcome back :D

Anonymous said...

Weak willed cunt!

Quote said...

There's always tomorrow. Or Monday.

And Doctor Tobacco is my favourite Fry & Laurie sketch.

Trixie said...

hehe, just reading your last three posts. Sitting here and having a fag and vodka for ya. You can't cut everything out at once fwenge, I've told you that in the past.

Huw said...

My Saturday night consisted of seven pints of lager and two whisky chasers, a kebab which I can't even remember, and a stinging waft of pava to the face when I got too close to the police detaining a troublemaker. Oh for Doritoes and wine.

Digressica said...

Hmm. Cutting out all three at once was a bit ambitious. Maybe you should eliminate one per fortnight.

(Isn't this the nicest part of blogging? The part where you put yourself out there for all of the internet's most self-righteous denizens to harangue, criticise and offer useless advice that you didn't ask for?)

looby said...

Well done! You did eight days. That's not bad at all. I have exactly the same sort of resolutions about not drinking and eight days would be an absolute marathon to me.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Welcome back to sanity-hoorah!

fwengebola said...

Z ~ I didn't hate myself that much come Sunday morning, but I did feel awful. And you miss the point; it had nothing to do with quality and everything to do with carnage.
Ang ~ Oh you're back. Are you my conscience?
IANYF ~ Heroine = Lady hero. Heroin = Up to 7 years in prison for possession.
Still, your English is exemplory compared to most of my countrymen's Turkish.
If I did whatever pleases me, I'd be dead by now.
dand ~ Aw, I enjoyed that charming gesture of tenderness, thank you.
UB ~ Wine + Doritos + Tobacco = happy surrender monkey
BGDT ~ I think overindulgence is bloody brilliant. The trick is to force yourself to do nothing for one weekend, just to balance out said indulging. Conversely, doing fuck all for a month is crap.
Dom ~ 'Tis but a blip, thank you.
Anon ~ Hello, Mum.
Quote ~ 'S ok, I'm back on that really dull wagon. And I was wondering if anyone would get the reference. Congratulations. You win Smugness.
Trix ~ Yes you can. You can, you can, you can. And it sucks.
Huw ~ Wasn't at the Crown, was it? I miss the Crown. Lived in Willesden when it got its big refurb. God, I miss that whole area, and the kebabs and generic overindulgence.
Overindulgence, *sniff*
Dig ~ You have no idea how much I feel as if I'm not doing this alone. Even though I am.
Thank you.
Loob ~ I'm still on it! Why does everyone think I've quit? That'll be next week.
PDEWYMO ~ I'm teetering on the edge of boredom here.

Quote said...

Yay!

Anonymous said...

You always make me want to roll a spliff.

i am not your freud said...

my english isn't good only when compared to the turkish knowledge of the english. it's good as it is. i wish my german was half as good as my turkish. ok then don't do whatever that pleases you, but i'm sure you can be able to find a compromise between drinking too much, having fun yet feeling unhealthy and not drinking at all, staying in, getting bored.

Anonymous said...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=qukUmDfoDpc

Saudi Sandle Surfing

Nooice.

fwengebola said...

I'm going to break a habit and comment on all four posts with a you're welcome, erm, enjoy your drugs, moderation is the key, and What The Fuck???

I guess that's what men resort to when women won't put out.

luna said...

Yeah right blame the women!!!

Low Blow snarky Comment!

If that's what you turn into whenever abstinent,bring back the real ale and the real ebola!

fwengebola said...

Great, you wait for ages then two Luna comments come at once.

Oh, and I'm back. Just.

luna said...

Oh,so you were waiting?...;)

luna said...

Oh,so you were waiting?...;)

fwengebola said...

Yes. Your disappearance was most vexing.