Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Bored Shitless


Days passed: 8
Routes cycled to/ from work: 12
Lengths swum: 38.5
Lbs lost: 2 (fucking two)
Cigarettes smoked: 0
Beers/ Spirits drunk: 0 (unless you count one small tot of rum on Saturday)
Drugs snorted: 0

Boredom level: Incalculable.

It hit me about 3 hours ago. I have been verging on holier than thou pretty much since I started but for some reason, tonight, I'm bored, really bored, and that's made me suddenly very fidgety. I want action, and I want bad stuff. Although I'm not craving cigarettes, I want to smoke, if that makes any sense. I want to feel alive and I can only seem to do it there... outside... that place where action happens, 'cos it sure as heckittyfuck don't happen in this bedroom.

In case anyone thinks I should spend a night going out for coffee or venturing into a pub for an OJ, nice idea in theory but NO! I'm also attempting to get through October without spending money on anything that isn't 100% absolutely vital, such as food, which provides another stat:

Cash withdrawals in October thus far: £0
Card purchases in October thus far: £26.77

.. and that's been for everything, dinner, my lunch at work, the weekend; all my food and even some essential toiletries - obviously not condoms.

And I'm just, j u s t starting to unravel ever so slightly. I've never been this frugal in my life, and this is as healthy as I get. Both states confuse me. I need to self-destruct somehow; it's in my genes, paradoxically.

I am denying myself any fun and any get-togethers this month until the very last day three and a half weeks away, when I'm going to meet some ex-work colleagues who haven't seen one another for years. I intend to get trashed. We all intend to get trashed, but I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one imposing sanctions on my social life and my wallet (even if banks are crashing around us and we're all gonna die!!!)

I have also rejoined (i.e. updated some photos) on a couple of dating websites I have been affiliated with for about thirty years. Needless to say, even with my new and exciting photographs, I've had fuck all interest.

So what's the point of it all? I mean really? I've had a pretty lousy, stressful day at work - and I don't even work in a bank - and MY SHIT NOVEL is now looking REALLY SHIT and I'm in the final stages of KISSING IT GOODBYE FOREVER and never going near it again.

The gutter is currently looking very comfortable right now. Pass the syringe.


Dom said...

And how much spanked on credit cards? :)

The Unbearable Banishment said...

If you didn’t know it before, you certainly know it now: drugs, alcohol and food are the great anesthetizers that allow us to cope with the unrelenting, crushing weight of boredom that is inherent in the human condition. Viva!

Anonymous said...

Spliff on x

Anonymous said...

buy a hooker and count it as a workout. best of both worlds...

Z said...

Two pounds in 8 days is good. Very good. If you carry on like that, you'll have lost at least half a stone by the end of the month and you'll feel pretty pleased with yourself.

The thing is, you weren't exactly thrilled with your life before you started this regime. Are you actually more frustrated now?

I still don't understand why it has to be all or nothing, though. Why are you determined to deny yourself any fun?

Anonymous said...

Mate, since I've rotated back to Cunt London I've been spending money like it's going out of fashion.

I wish I was back in Budapest or Krakow - where is simpler and cheaper.

Girl Friday said...

All work and no play could make Fweng a dull boy. Or a mad one.

i am not your freud said...

the beginning of that post is very bridget jones-like. i think you can go out and have fun without smoking or drinking like a mad man. you can drink a little or i don't know just try to have fun while you're trying to lead a healthier life. you can have it both ways. i'm drunk and healthy. or am i? yes i am.

londongirl said...

Right. I suggest you do some non-alcoholic, cheap socialising. Suggestions below. Feel free to ignore, obviously.
1) Go on a cycle club Saturday morning ride, for example - there are loads of local clubs and while some are really gnarly, others are full of surprisingly normal people.
2) Arrange to go round to a friend's house to watch a DVD. low-level entertainment, sure, but better than watching it alone. I know loads of people who are broke (me included) so sure you'd find others who would be up for that.
3) go on the friday night skate. Even if you have to rent skates (costs £15) it's still a very cheap friday night's entertainment - loads of women, hardly any (straight) men, music and exercise. Fun feeling of holier than thou - if that makes sense.

And I second the remark above that 2 lbs lost in a week is good going.

Keep at it.

Z said...

Yes, but Bad Fweng wants to prove that living healthily is miserable and impossible to maintain, therefore when Good Fweng prompts a change in lifestyle that would mean, ultimately, increased health and happiness, his dark side won't let him follow it through.

Or am I being a bit melodramatic and simplistic here, Fweng?

fwengebola said...

Dom ~ Ah, good loophole spotted. However: None. I managed to clear mine, post-Europe.
UB ~ Yes, weird that a lot of us (i.e. 98%) need stuff to get through life. I dearly wish mine was a sex addiction though, and not fags or yellow processed food.
Anon ~ Oh quite.
df ~ Yes, a hooker. Should I get a hooker? I mean, if she's really professional, it could be fun. Plus I'd lose a bit of weight. And gain some pet crabs.
Z ~ You raise some very good points I'd never thought of: I think I need to punish myself somewhat. It's the kind of net result you get from a little self-loathing.
Nah, I wasn't overtly thrilled beforehand, but then I do a fine line in extremes. Before I was overdoing the slobbishness. Now I'm overdoing the analness (?)
Yes, there's a happy medium, but I'd like to enter it once I'm about 13.5 stone.
Anon ~ Oh hello. Yes, there was something simple about being a tourist; no work, a leisurely timetable, sightseeing, a meal and a drink. I wish I could be a professional tourist.
GF ~ Don't worry, I've nearly snapped. Expect me quite pissed and chainsmoking soon.
IANYF ~ Yes, you're also in your twenties, dear. Let's just say that it's remarkably easy to drink and stay in shape at that age. Sort of.
LG ~ Oh look, you're back, in comment form. Hello. All going well? What happened with that fella??? Tim/ Tom/ Terry? You raise some excellent suggestions that I probably won't do as I'm convinced I should be stuck in front of the computer Writing Myself A New Life instead of enjoying the one I've got.
But I will take on board your suggestions and act on them in the coming months.
And start blogging again, dammit! Yours was quite an adventure.
Z ~ Hmmm, that's interesting. But wrong. I'm an All or Nothing kinda guy, as in; I could have all the enjoyment there is to have out of life, but instead I'm plumping for nothing.