TAIL END OF 2008 DIETSERCISE HEALTH PLAN LIFE CHANGE STATS:
Days passed: 8
Routes cycled to/ from work: 12
Lengths swum: 38.5
Lbs lost: 2 (fucking two)
Cigarettes smoked: 0
Beers/ Spirits drunk: 0 (unless you count one small tot of rum on Saturday)
Drugs snorted: 0
Boredom level: Incalculable.
It hit me about 3 hours ago. I have been verging on holier than thou pretty much since I started but for some reason, tonight, I'm bored, really bored, and that's made me suddenly very fidgety. I want action, and I want bad stuff. Although I'm not craving cigarettes, I want to smoke, if that makes any sense. I want to feel alive and I can only seem to do it there... outside... that place where action happens, 'cos it sure as heckittyfuck don't happen in this bedroom.
In case anyone thinks I should spend a night going out for coffee or venturing into a pub for an OJ, nice idea in theory but NO! I'm also attempting to get through October without spending money on anything that isn't 100% absolutely vital, such as food, which provides another stat:
Cash withdrawals in October thus far: £0
Card purchases in October thus far: £26.77
.. and that's been for everything, dinner, my lunch at work, the weekend; all my food and even some essential toiletries - obviously not condoms.
And I'm just, j u s t starting to unravel ever so slightly. I've never been this frugal in my life, and this is as healthy as I get. Both states confuse me. I need to self-destruct somehow; it's in my genes, paradoxically.
I am denying myself any fun and any get-togethers this month until the very last day three and a half weeks away, when I'm going to meet some ex-work colleagues who haven't seen one another for years. I intend to get trashed. We all intend to get trashed, but I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one imposing sanctions on my social life and my wallet (even if banks are crashing around us and we're all gonna die!!!)
I have also rejoined (i.e. updated some photos) on a couple of dating websites I have been affiliated with for about thirty years. Needless to say, even with my new and exciting photographs, I've had fuck all interest.
So what's the point of it all? I mean really? I've had a pretty lousy, stressful day at work - and I don't even work in a bank - and MY SHIT NOVEL is now looking REALLY SHIT and I'm in the final stages of KISSING IT GOODBYE FOREVER and never going near it again.
The gutter is currently looking very comfortable right now. Pass the syringe.