Monday, August 04, 2008

Road To Nowhere

It's taken me a couple of weeks to realise but I've stopped working on my shit book, mainly because having to think about characters and situations then writing about it scares me.

I'm smoking so much that I stripped my lungs bare at the weekend and hadn't felt the need to smoke at all today - until now, 8:30pm on a Monday night. It's all so terribly addictive, you see. Perhaps I need to get pregnant. So much for my 25-year-old self telling me I'll give up by my Thirtieth ~ I hit that skidmark four years ago.

I'm also snacking somewhat. I can't help it. There's something perfectly delicious about heaving your corpse to Friday then waltzing down to the local supermarket for a bottle of booze and a cheap bread disc covered in cheese and wrapped in plastic. I'd eat healthier, but it's so much harder, isn't it? Plus all this damn credit crunching and exorbitant food prices means it's only sensible to buy salt-saturated Buy-One-Get-One-Free bachelor chow.

When I've time on my hands, I'm Youtubing for Britain. I'm rediscovering Micky Disco from the Fast Show, and wondering if North Korea's only Internet-ready computer is in fact being used by some cunt in their government to flood us with lame propaganda. (Try it. Try a 'North Korea' search and marvel at the wealth of glorification to a twisted, evil, conscience-devoid murderous cult regime. Whilst not writing a book.)

I met a nice young lady on Friday. She works with a chum of mine who reads this blog and will probably wonder why I'm mentioning this. But it's the only interesting thing that's happened recently. Although I did give back massages to two more of his colleagues. I went home that night to browse Youtube til 5am and passed out for twelve hours.

There's nothing quite like waking up at five in the afternoon to make you feel really pointless.

Next week: Pills or Drowning; what's quicker?


Trixie said...

Pills... easier than drowning. Oh and pills THEN drowning. Easier to drown that way.

Carnalis said...

It could be worse, maybe (youporn instead of youtube, for instance).

Dom said...

You forgot to mention the gym, has that been abandoned too? I'd hate to think this is only a partial failure rather than a complete one, after all, you've failed so well with all the other bits :D

Pills take an awfully long time, tend to hurt like hell and are not as sure fire as drowning. That said killing yourself if a cowards way out and I don't want to be left as the most pathetic person on this planet. Just continue to blog the slide into oblivion so we can offer you absolutely no sympathy what so ever :)

Z said...

You give back massages? How come you've never mentioned this before?

luna said...

You have writer's block.

Anonymous said...

I want a massage, please.

Ann Anon

Anonymous said...

I can vouch that his massages are bloody terrible!!

Quote said...

Can I just have a massage voucher?

fwengebola said...

Trix ~ Oh. Thanks. Great help.
Car ~ Been there, seen it, got the callouses on my hand.
Dom ~ Yes, thank you. I forgot about the gym. I am paying approximately £50 p/month to not go to two gyms, one near me at home, and one at work.
Thanks for the reminder.
Z ~ Full body massages, actually. Possibly never mentioned because no-one ever allows me to give them.
Luna ~ Sort of. Plus Writer's Refusal To Even Look At The Draft.
Anon ~ Yeah, sure. Just linger outside my flat.
Anon ~ Ah, yes, the Third Law of Blokeism that states that you cannot give your mates credit for anything, ever.
Hello Jamie.
Quote ~ Are you coming on to me?