Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Babysteps

If I had a penny each time I attempt to Straighten My Life Out And Do Something With It For Once™, I'd have about four pounds. Now that doesn't sound like a lot, but 400 times is fairly substantial. That's roughly twice a month every month since I turned sixteen. In truth, I remember being a moody and introspective thirteen-year-old, so you can stick at least another quid on.

This morning, I cycled to work. I haven't cycled to work for about three weeks, and it felt like pure, unbridled Evangelical Christian Hell. This is bad. Normally when I Straighten My Life Out And Do Something With It For Once™, I'm at least slightly enthusiastic. As I wheeled my bike to the front door and wobbled on, I felt like a fraud, a sham, a guy who was pretending to be healthy and environmentally aware and keen.

In truth, I only managed to get out of the house on two wheels because I thought there was a tube strike on today. (It got cancelled).

I went for a swim before I did a day's work. Some of the old geezers there nodded almost imperceptibly at me this morning, a stoic British indicator that they hadn't seen me for a while, and "'Ello". Even the mad old Hungarian playfully punched my arm, actually punched it, in joy at seeing me. (This is in stark contrast to a few months ago when a full pool forced me to swim in the slow lane - his slow lane, apparently - whereupon he had me chucked out by the Polish teenage lifeguard for "overtaking" him.)

I didn't feel any healthier today. In fact, my lungs were a fucking mess. You've gotta really want this kind of lifestyle and, well, I dunno. Suffice to say this is all babysteps. If I can rectify everything in small doses by the end of the year, then if I'm not golden, I'm slightly yellow.

To finish, here's a little song I'm rather taken by. It's the new N*E*R*D single about a lady doing illegal substances in toilets. It's a grower, trust me. At least wait for the bridge - it's rather worthwhile. If you don't like the tune, then you can always play Spot the Lohan in the video. Oh, and the backing singers aren't being anti-Semitic, btw...

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

First!

You are shaggable because you are funny in a droll, self-deprecating way. Us women luurve that. Didunchano?

Anonymous said...

p.s. Tune is a bit rank tho'...

Paperbag Princess said...

Dude, love this track - it's been doing the rounds for a while...

Oh yes, and I agree with anonymous on her 1st point. You really are.

JamieSmitten said...

I HATE the swim lane enforcers and their over-taking rules. It really does take the fun out of a good wet.

Dom said...

There are no overtaking rules in pools? That's me screwed then.

As to attempting to Straighten My Life Out And Do Something With It For Once™ over 400 times perhaps you should take note of a quote from Halflife: Portal. "We at the enrichment centre believe that if at first you don't succeed, you fail!" :) Still, if nothing else you can claim you're persistent.

The tune sucks.

Digressica said...

My experience would suggest that all the times you start the changing-my-life-as-of-today-goddammit process in a state of evangelical enthusiasm, you stall at the first hurdle (and by 'you' I mean 'me'). It's when you get up (even though you really don't want to), get on your bike (with absolutely zero enthusiasm), jump in the pool (despite the fact you'd rather poke out your own eye with a toothpick and eat it) and just do the damn thing because you've made a commitment to do it, and for no other reason than keeping your commitment, that the actual revolution begins. So it sounds like things might turn out for you.

Z said...

Digressica is right. You try getting enthusiastic when you're only cycling on Doctor's Orders. That it's having the intended effect doesn't make me enjoy it, grim satisfaction is the most I can muster. Enthusiasm only lasts a short time. Just getting on and doing it because that's what you do carries on working.

Z said...

Oh, and Digressica, I love your name. Please blog.

Andrew said...

Come up to Hackney, you can come for a ride with me, a fat(ish) aussie twat who hates riding to work every day but still does it. You can make ginger aussie jokes if I can make ginger jew jokes.

Of course, the secret to riding is going out when the pubs are open on the canal path and stopping for refreshments regularly. Mmmmm,beer.

That tune smokes the cock.

The Grocer said...

I cant bring myself to listen to the tune in case its so bad I feel I have to tell you, then I'll have guilt for kicking a man that's down (albeit on the first stages of coming back up).

fwengebola said...

Anon ~ Crikey. Thank you. Perhaps I should talk to more women in public situations. Oh God.
Anon ~ No it isn't, it's tremendous.
PP ~ Yes, I'm always the last to know. I still fail to see how women aren't in the slightest bit picky when it comes to physical attraction because in my experience, they FUCKING ARE.
JS ~ A good wet what?
Dom ~ Exactly. There are limitations on how many times you can try, try again. I have only a vague idea as to what Halflife: Portal could be.
Dig ~ Actually, that's a bloody good point. All my previous eager attempts have been crap. Maybe cynicism is the new keen.
Z ~ I agree. I cycled today and I feel, well, different. Pathetic, really. It's as if I've never done it before.
Z ~ I'd like her to. Is it hidden?
Andy ~ You're more than welcome to make Ginger Jew jokes, but you'll have to take your place in the Ginger Jew joke making queue.
Is cock smoking bad? I think for the cockee, perhaps not. Or the cocker? God, I don't even know what that means.
TG ~ I think I may be able to handle some mild tune-disliking criticism. Particulaly as Up is becoming the new Down.

Id Entity said...

fweng, are you mad? I haven't got a cock, but if I did, I wouldn't let someone near it with a lighter under any circs.

fwengebola said...

I think it's more a reference to... never mind. You already know.