Thursday, June 05, 2008

Wisdom Tooth Hell: The Return

Last year, I had to have an emergency wisdom tooth extraction.

It was rather brutal.

Today, under the advice of various professionals, I've had a second tooth removed before it too became an emergency.

Amusingly, there is nothing to report as I was knocked out for the operation.

Having previously experienced the removal of a tooth under macho local anaesthetic, I was more than happy to be unconscious this time round. I took Wednesday off work, eating nothing after 9pm Tuesday night. This morning I woke up, made a coffee, threw it down the sink after the first sip when I remembered I was supposed to be Nil-by-Mouth, and left for the hospital.

When I got there (the impatient's dream; I left late, the bus came instantly, I got to hospital bang on 8am and was seen instantly), I was forced to admit that I'd earlier sipped a coffee which caused a flurry of concern among the anaesthetists. Apparently, milk and general anaesthetics don't mix. The word dangerous was used.

As a result, they dropped me to the bottom of the queue for four fucking hours, all the other surly looking men in status-levelling NHS gowns being rushed in ahead of me. By midday, my patience had worn out and I told nurses that I was going home. My mouth felt fine and I saw no reason - particularly when the recently operated on came back into our ward disorientated and numb with pain - to continue to wait only to wind up in their predicament.

But there was only 20 minutes left. I was wheeled into Anaesthetics, grimacing as my left hand was attached to a drip.
'You're a big bloke; you should be able to take this,' the technician chided.
I was actually quite cheerful at this point. After all, I was finally being seen to and, to all intents and purposes, I wasn't actually going to experience anything.

I felt the general go in. It was as if my left arm was fragile and made of glass as a leaden black fog seemed to pump its way in and travel up towards my elbow.

I hate to say 'and the next thing I remember...', but I was chatting away to the anaesthetists waiting to feel drowsy or for my speech to slur but instead I blinked. And in that blink, I had gone from talking to them to being on my side thinking 'Shit, they still haven't operated on me.'

Except they had. It was all over. I was violently tired. Nurses kept waking me up to drink water as my neck was sore. A tube had apparently been thrust down my throat and I was vaguely aware of a pain where my tooth had been. I asked for painkillers and the nurse did something to the drip. Then I fell asleep, then woke up, then fell asleep again.

In a neighbouring ward, an anonymous man screamed out repeatedly. The other guys in my ward looked shell-shocked and seemed very sorry for themselves.
'Men are pussies,' I mused as I sat there with the listless expression of Paris Hilton stuck for conversation.
I felt very sorry for myself.

Large Northern Flatmate came to walk me home as the hospital doesn't allow anyone under general to leave unescorted.

I got to my bed at 3pm 'for a nap', and slept til 11. It was the best sleep I've ever had.

And in a few days, I'll be back in that blissfully ignorant state of No Actual Pain Anywhere, and taking my health for granted.

12 comments:

Z said...

You're less of a pussy than most men, Fweng. And by the way, were you able to sleep again the rest of the night, or was 3-11 it?

Dom said...

yup, men are wimps, until they've had kidney stones. You're not in pain. Pain is where it hurts so bad you throw up. Pain is where you want to take a knife to your side so you can cut your kidney out just to make it stop hurting. You, my friend, have mild discomfort :-)

Peach said...

lol, hope you're ok and feeling better soon, love that anethetised sleep, pure bliss....

Trixie said...

I get the same sleep by drinking a bottle of vodka.

marianne said...

That all sounds almost... pleasurable.

luna said...

Another priceless opportunity of keeping your trap shut...missed.

so that's what it takes to make you go to bed early.

Anonymous said...

You less wise now?

Tim Clague said...

where is the tooth? That must be worth a visit from the tooth fairy. My sister informs me the going rate is a quid!!!

i am not your freud said...

ouch... happy recovering.

fwengebola said...

Z ~ Well thank you. Actually, yes. That was an added bonus. I woke up at 11pm, pottered around for a couple of hours, then fell back to sleep. Lovely.
Dom ~ Really? Kidney stones that bad? I find that very hard to believe.
Peach ~ Yes, yes - beautiful!
Trix ~ Yeah, I can see you doing that.
Mar ~ Apologies. Normal service will be resumed shortly.
Luna ~ Yes, drugs.
Anon ~ More so.
TC ~ Hullo Tim. Hospital policy is to destroy it all. Y'know, CJD and all that. Scalpels you're allowed to keep in your head, etc.
IANYF ~ Recovered! Almost.

Dom said...

try getting something that's 11mm by 8mm by 5mm down a tube that's not very wide. Doesn't work. Tends to tear instead so you get lots of blood and it hurts like hell. Then they go sticking things up you using routes which no man should ever have to think about so they can blast the bugger to bits and pull the bits out.

I've been told by women who've had kidney stones and given birth that stones are worse. They are seriously that bad :)

fwengebola said...

That can't be possible, although it does negate the female line that men will never know a pain like childbirth, because apparently we will.