Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Don't Lie Back In Anger

If there's one thing that amuses me about life, it's just as you think you've gained a lot of wisdom and pretty much done everything, something comes along that makes you think 'I didn't realise that could happen,' and 'Shit.'

Dammit 1
When I went to bed on Monday night it was a little muggy, not really necessary to keep a fan on overnight. Nonetheless I had been using it throughout the evening and thought it might be nice to leave it on to keep the room cool, not rotating but fixed, a cool breeze playing over my bed from a distance.

So I passed out. When I woke up naked, most of the duvet on the far side of the bed, I was fucking paralysed. Who'd have thought that 7 hours of constant cold air blasted at your back while you lie there unconscious would cripple you?

According to my boss, five people in Korea once died by sleeping with a fan on them. I'm not sure how he knows that.

Two days on and my back's still fucked. It hurts to lie down. I'm even having to sleep like the Elephant Man, besides looking like him. I think I might have to go see a doctor.

Dammit 2
After receiving my first email from Lovely Young Lady and writing back, I'd still heard nothing in nearly two weeks. Now I couldn't give up; after all, I'd met her, got on phenomenally well, tracked down her email and received a nice lenghty reply just a couple of hours later. Surely I'm not so inept that my follow-up email would put her off for life?

Yes.

Twelve days pass. I consider that maybe she didn't like what she read and decided never to reply. I also consider that maybe she's been out of town for a fortnight, or virulently busy, or by some technological quirk never received my second email. So I wrote a third time, no mention of her non-reply, trying to keep it funny, nice and cool.

She hasn't replied again. I think it's safe to surmise that she doesn't want to speak, see, or have anything to do with me forevermore. Lovely young lady, my arse.

Great. Now my back has gone into spasm.

18 comments:

BenefitScroungingScum said...

I've been reading your blog for a while, but not commented before now. If it's any consolation I replied to an email today, nearly 7 months after it was sent. Some of us just don't respond well to electronic orders!
Bendy Girl

Dom said...

My ex was 'kin crap at responding to emails, putting them off and meaning to do them over and over again, and then it just got too late to reply. Clearly not the case here. You, like me, are destined to spend the rest of your life alone and celibate but I thought it would be nice to know there are some useless people out there who aren't out to destroy you by ignoring you after previously being nice. :)

Dave Fishwick said...

Maybe Lovely Young Lady recently slept with the fan on and is still lying, paralysed, in her bed wishing that she'd replied to your email.

Z said...

Just as well she didn't suggest a date, if you're paralysed. But I'm sorry - I really wanted this to go well for you, sentimental old bat that I am.

C said...

OHMYGOD, are we living parallel lives? First, I thought you were trying to outdo me with all the stag/hen weekends and weddings and now I too am suddenly struck by back pain! We both have two eyes and a nose- coincidence? I think not..

As for the lady, sod it, you gave it a shot. OBVIOUSLY she aint all that x

Id Entity said...

It still could go well. I agree with BSS. Plus, there are too many unknowns to come to your conclusion just yet. I'd play it cool now for another few weeks if I were you. Not mentioning the non-reply was a stroke of genius, I reckon. There's still everything to play for.

Andrew said...

Koreans are weird and your boss is an idiot, but then you probably already knew that.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_death

You are definitely going to die alone. Surrounded by 37 cats and several hundred litres of your own urine stored in SunnyD containers. I suspect some form of tinfoil hat to be involved in your final apparel.

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Sod her. You never know, she might just have an embarrassing case of herpes which is so bad that even email is too closer contact.

Or something.

Trixie said...

Okay.... I've never heard of anyone getting a bad back from lying naked with a fan on them! (Me from a country where people do this all the time, but then, we wouldn't be stupid enough to do it if the temperature went under 10 degrees through the night!)

Only you you fwenge, only you. x

livesbythewoods said...

A mate of mine was rushed to hospital on his honeymoon somewhere hot and tropical because he was sleeping directly under the air conditioning fan thingy.

Apparently the symptoms are very much like a heart attack.

So Elephant-Man-itis sounds like a lucky escape.

i am not your freud said...

you're lucky you didn't catch a terrible cold. i usually get ill in summer because of the air conditioning. i'm not very punctual with answering emails either but if she thought it was more than friendly emailing, i think she would have answered earlier. unless something came up, like she was kidnapped by aliens or something, you never know. get her msn if she replies.

Id Entity said...

yes, or unless she has issues. or maybe she's nervous. or maybe she hasn't replied because she wants to write a proper reply that takes more than 5 minutes, and she hasn't had the long enough time yet. or maybe she accidentally deleted it and now she can't reply. too many mabyes, I reckon.

Mike said...

You were injured by blowing air?

And it wasn't even a hurricane or tornado?

Maybe it's time for you to hit the gym, eh?

luna said...

Believe me,your doctor's gonn be useless at getting your back up straight again.
Have you tried menthol rubs and dry heat?

Maybe there's a secret connection between wisdom teeth and vertebrae.
Something to do with balance?

Do you feel imbalanced?

marianne said...

Huh. Once I emailed someone to let him know I was going to be visiting his city, from a great distance, and asked if he wanted to get together for a drink. It took him a long, long, long time to respond (a cautious 'maybe'), with the excuse "Oh, crap, I thought I'd already emailed you. Sorry. I'm crap at emailing." We met. He was a nice guy.
Don't jump to conclusions.

fwengebola said...

BSS ~ Really? Hello. All said and done, I'm sure she ain't gonna reply. But thanks for the uplift.
Dom ~ I know what you mean. I'm rubbish at replying to my comments box. But thank you for your kind bonding words that make me feel slighty panicky.
DF ~ Hey, there's a thought. Maybe she's tremendously paralysed. Here's hoping.
Z ~ You lil' romantic, you. Sadly, this is the Real World. Ho hum.
C ~ Surprising that we didn't meet up during all those weddings. Maybe there were others that you were at and I wasn't.
Yes, I rather think that she wasn't all that wonderful.
ID ~ Yes, very optimistic. Everything to play for. Except I'm not playing.
Andy ~ Oh my god - the Korean thing was an urban legend. Amazing. And Korean is just one vowel more than an Islamic holy book, too. But thanks for your parting thought. I'll buy myself some cats now. And some food. And some tinfoil.
PDEWYMO ~ Yes, forget the easily offended lovely young lady. Pshhht. Waste of time, etc.
Trix ~ Yeah, I think the whole low temperature and continual fan use probably did it, ta.
LBTW ~ Jesus, creating heart attack symptoms with a hot country and air conditioning? That's frightening. I bet I could do that to myself.
Freud (not) ~ Perhaps she has been kidnapped by aliens, and I'm due a reply soon. That could be it.
ID ~ Dude, it's been nearly a month.
Mike ~ Yes, yes, yes, I'll go to the gym soon, voice of my conscience.
Luna ~ I've been using ice packs. That's helped a bit. And my wisdom tooth has healed up. Everything is more or less better, to a slight degree.
Mar ~ Is that me? That's me. It's me, isn't it? Even so, I reserve the right to jump to conclusuons repeatedly. Jump, jump, jump.

C said...

I was at another this weekend- you weren't there were you? I was the one in the scuba diving outfit and a hat- you couldn't have missed me.

fwengebola said...

Excellent choice of accoutrements for a wedding, well done.