Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Recovery Position

It is Wednesday. My head has a dull throb to it, like a post coital vagina, and my nose is still bleeding, like... oh, see above again. I'm not retyping it.

I am consequently debating the wisdom of snorting illegal crystalline tropane alkaloids up my nostrils. I have a libertarian attitude when it comes to drugs, but it has to be said that anyone indulging in any substance, be they cigarettes or alcohol or junk food or cocaine ultimately has some unresolved issues at their very core, a need to distance themselves from their existence and feel just a little bit better inside.

I'm pleased the heavy drinking is over - although I was on a Stag and these things have to be done, I'm told. I've smoked the two packs of Spanish Marlboros I brought home and - guess what? - I've just nipped outside for some British ones. I ran as quick as I could, in order not to scare any small children. My face has turned bright crimson, and is peeling heavily. I look like the Singing Detective.

I've also had to rejoin Facebook. I grew to loathe Facebook with its sheer time-wastery, but I need mobile phone numbers to stick into my new phone when I get one. And the first thing I saw when I rejoined was my Lovely American ex-girlfriend who had finally accepted my sign-up request of many, many months ago. She has some 130 friends now, and dozens of happy, smiley pictures of herself, pictures which - no doubt - were taken when I wasn't in her head to piss her off.

And I miss her like I'd miss my leg if it was removed - which is substantial missage. We had a brief online 'chat'. She seemed quite happy, rub-it-in-my-face happy, if I was being cynical, but it was nice to catch up. I noticed her status said 'Single', and I'm desperate to see her again. She knows this too, and I know that desperation is as attractive to anyone as a bleeding post-coital vagina.

I can't stay on Facebook much longer. If her status changes to 'In a relationship', I'm going to jump into the Thames with lead weights round my ankles. I'd like her to settle down with someone and be happy, but the idea of seeing it blossoming online and in front of my eyes will - what's the word? - fucking annihilate me.

Funny how someone can go from loving me and telling me so repeatedly to the point that I got scared off, to more-or-less hating me and "loving being single", as I was told ad nauseam.
Oh well, I hurt her, and now I'm hanging around to give her the opportunity to return the favour.

I am now sat at home trying to write my 'book'. It has taken me three days just to open the damn document, which I managed an hour ago. I can't look at it.
Instead, I'm blogging this. So much easier.

I went to the gym today, the first time since February. I then went home and had some mackerel and scrambled eggs with plenty of water. No drugs, no booze, and just the occasional cigarette to remind me I'm still alive (for the time being).

So that's that.

I have Hippy Dave's wedding this weekend, my 34th birthday after that (same day as the ex's), and another wedding with a speech I'll have to make and tremble through.

God, it's great to be alive, so very very very very motherfucking great.

12 comments:

Homer said...

Throbbing? Bleeding? Christ, what do you DO to them?

Peach said...

sweetie, please come out for a drink soon....

marianne said...

I share Homer's concern about what you think is normal for post-coital vaginas.

Dom said...

Ah - I had my facebook account deleted, then rejoined with a slightly different name and have subsequently ignored any requests from friends who may have my ex as thier friends as I also have no wish for the annihilation that will no doubt ensue... unless I get a girlfriend first - god I crack myself up sometimes :D

Vi said...

DAMN that facebook. DELETE DELETE!

Girl Friday said...

If I may, given my country of origin, offer some unsolicited advice in hopes of helping you secure the attention and possibly the time of the Yank you yearn for?
Us American girls like flattery, it's true. We are used to men wineing, dining and 69ing us as a matter of course. The truth however, tends to be even more appealing to the fairer sex who are tired of men blowing sunshine up their arse. My suspicion is that if she dated and fell in love with you to begin with, this might be your golden ticket. Try telling her how you really feel? Novel concept, I realise, but it might work.

Dandelion said...

I know that desperation is as attractive to anyone as a bleeding post-coital vagina.

Still better than a post-coital cock, though, eh?

Also, I think girl friday has a point.

fwengebola said...

Homer ~ Well one ex in particular had a tendency to... never mind.
Peach ~ Sure, thanks. Whenever you want (barring the current slew of weddings and further stags on the horizon)
Mar ~ I'll admit that it's not *normal*, but then one ex of mine... again, never mind.
Dom ~ Hey, that's a good idea. Having said that, facebook pisses me off anyway - the constant updates, the emails clogging my inbox, the lives of people I no longer see, full of merriment and shagging. Humbug.
Vi ~ Yes, I think I'm about to commit permanent Facebook suicide.
Girl ~ Yes, but I'm blatantly afraid of a) being told to go fuck myself and b) hurting her again, if indeed that's possible. I think I may be headed in that direction.
I also know her ex-fiance recently got in touch with much the same idea, to no avail.
Dand ~ A cock, be it post coital or otherwise, isn't really that appealing. Unless it's mine. And even then, it's still not appealing.
Yes, I think I may once and for all hammer the final nail into the coffin of me and the American ex.

luna said...

If it's bleeding it's hardly post coital.Your ex is not normal down there.Was this ex the Yankee girl?

elif said...

stop doing coke you'll end up with a michael jackson nose!!

Little Bird said...

Fweng babe it's not that bad, really. Try swapping lives with me for a day right now...

fwengebola said...

Luna ~ No, the French ex, if you must know. It was rather worrying.
elif ~ I've stopped. Although my nose hasn't stopped bleeding, which is a bit of a worry.
lb ~ Hi sweet! Welcome back! I understand, and hope everything is really ok at your end.