Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Back To The Past

I have Internet in my flat again, hence this update duller than Gordon Brown whacked out on Nytol.

I went to Brighton - where the women are orange and the men are gay - to drink my hangover away at 11am, for my second taster of their annual Beer Festival. Unlike last year, which I loved, this year was less exciting due to my knowing exactly what it would be like. In addition, I didn't really get to catch up with Monkey Dave as his Dad was there too. And his Mum. And his girlfriend, their daughter, and about seven assorted mates who I didn't know. Plus on top of this was the gnawing thought that I was supposed to be living healthily and cutting down on all my bad habits like drinking and smoking.

Reluctantly downing about seven strong pints over a long afternoon and finishing it off with an MDMA bomb handed surreptitiously to me under a pub table didn't really help.

I had hoped this week to START THE REST OF MY LIFE by dusting off my bicycle, (currently unused), but Britain is being somewhat lashed by wind and rain from christknowswhere. So that's my excuse. I could cycle in that, but I'm not going to.

But trust me on this, I'm almost 46% sure I might be hitting the health groove very very soon. I just have to get tomorrow's boozy night out under my belt. My tight belt. Oh, and an impending 'pre-Stag' night out some time this month too.

But in happier news, I did meet up last night with Marianne of the very racy blog, who just so happened to be wandering around London looking bored. So we went to a pub where I drank more beer. She is charming company, and deceptively normal for someone with a sex drive bigger than Bill Clinton's fused onto Michael Douglas' with a dildo-welder. Whatever that is. Regrettably. Monday evenings have never been my forte what with ten minutes sleep earlier that day and I only lasted two drinks and passed out when I got home.

Oh, and I found a bag of skunk in my boss's drawer today. So I stole it, fearing it would get into the wrong hands (mine), then put it back when I discovered it was for his arthritic girlfriend.

So now I've become a drugs thief. Jesus.

I swear to god, I am so gonna turn my life around, any... day... now...

7 comments:

luna said...

Arthritic girlfriend?
Pah!What a lame excuse!

Monozygote said...

Yeah, doesn't he know? It's not for arthritis, it's for MS!

ps, I just got your joke, luna. heh heh heh

Jo said...

Suuuure. And clubbers only buy E's for their depressed mothers.

Homer said...

Your boss's girlfriend hails from the little-known protectorate of Arthritia? Cool.

Clarissa said...

Become something is better than nothing.

marianne said...

What? You met up with a sex blogger then went home and passed out? And you haven't been laid in how many years?

Oh... right. You're charming (and deceptively normal), too, Ducky. x

fwengebola said...

Luna ~ It's potentially likely. Or to put it another way, it's true.
Mono ~ My Mum used to use it for her MS, but it can provide pain relief for a variety of ailmenzzzzzzz.
Jo ~ I certainly did.
Homer ~ Yes, you know it?
Clarissa ~ Yes, mmm, good point. Watch this sp... Nah, don't.
Marianne ~ Did you actually expect me to be bitter and angry?? Although I can do that. Wait, I was a bit, wasn't I?