Saturday, September 15, 2007

NaNo No No

I'm finding it quite difficult to write my magnum opus right now, firstly because I am struggling against a 9,000 word deficit, and secondly because I have a streaming cold. Thirdly, and perhaps most annoyingly, a blind-drunk man is sat on a bench directly outside my window, hurling abuse at everyone on the high street for the past four hours.

He's Irish, evidenced by him screaming at passers-by 'I'm Irish! IRA! Fuckin' Republican!' And now he's screaming 'Open yer legs! Do you wanna fuck?' at some hidden ladies, followed by a pause, then 'Fuckin' lesbians.'

This would be, very very very - broadly speaking - mildly amusing, if it wasn't for the fact that he's so drunk he can barely point an accusatory finger at cars without his whole body wobbling, and the beer I notice he's spilled from his lap and down the pavement into the gutter probably isn't beer. I say that because in the four hours he's been sat there drinking cans of super strength lager, it's only just occurred to me that he hasn't moved for a 'break'.

I wonder if Dublin's full of Englishmen doing likewise?

14 comments:

Angela-la-la said...

Dunno 'bout Dublin but I bet Fuengirola is...

Anonymous said...

I want a spliff

G said...

If you hear my dad outside your window again could you let him his parole officer is looking for him?

Sabine said...

Possibly 'not' beer. Some 'urine for health fanatic gone astray'..
I have a similar neighbour- my mum said hello to him recently- and I thought she is probably the only one bar reformists or meals on wheels that take an interest.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Oh so THAT'S what happened to my ex, the Overgrown Leprechaun. I wondered what happened to him!

elif said...

might be my ex as well... i don't know about dublin but all the 60+ fat english are in bodrum and marmaris drinking under the sun at the beach during noon. in case you wonder where all of them have disapperared to :)

londongirl said...

You do live in a glorious area.

luna said...

He's done under him.

Eliza said...

i want one, atleast he makes you fell good baout yourself, i live above a gym and have fucking skinny wenches stretching before their workout outside my bedroom window. cunts

fwengebola said...

Ang ~ Fuengirola, a hive of scum and villainy.
Anon ~ Don't let me stop you.
G ~ Too late! The coppers have moved him on.
Sabine ~ I've long past the 'must help this poor guy' stage. He'd gone from me thinking he was just plain drunk, to thinking there was a conference-full of mental anguish there.
Large Northern Flatmate heard him yelling 'My daughter was beautiful,' then 'I killed her.'
Vi ~ I'm hard pressed to imagine he could be anyone's ex. Plus he wasn't that small.
E ~ Yes, I am well aware of Bodrum & Marmaris and am quiet intrigued as to the 'getting blind drunk in the sun' in a Muslim country. I will visit one day.
LG ~ If only you knew - it's actually very nice, but the big High Street renders it Chavsvile.
Lune ~ What? What what what???
Eliza ~ I never thought about that. If it's any consolation, when the sun's out my little corner of London becomes a joggers paradise which sets my guilt alarm ringing.

elif said...

Well most Turkish people love drinking so it's not that odd. The only odd thing is that they do it under the sun :)

fwengebola said...

There's nothing quite like getting progressively more drunk whilst not realising you're turning into a strawberry.

luna said...

You fancy yourself melodramatic, but have you read yesterday's paper?
A Carful of Colombian Criminals Killed by Cocaine Cartel King.
And where? In Fuengirola that's where!

After you've come and gone,devastation.
You do know how to enhance a resort...

fwengebola said...

Really? There were some drugs floating about, that's for sure.