I've just out-tramped a Tramp. I was in my local newsagents, buying a copy of the Evening Standard for Large Northern Flatmate, and a packet of fags for me. Said Tramp was just walking out, having bought himself a 4-pack of Tennants Extra Strength Obliterator.
He turned to me and yelled, 'You gotta larf, eh?'
'Why?' I replied.
I am a Cappo Di Tutti Cunt.