Monday, July 09, 2007

Spain IV

My last day in España. Nothing has happened since my last post, unless sweating counts, in which case I´ve done a hell of a lot.
It is currently 39°C (102°F), and I´ve just returned from shopping at El Corte Ingles, a huge department store where the overhead recorded announcements are delivered in English by a professional voice over artiste, somewhat disconcerting for a shmancy store in what is a foreign country. But the good news is that I now own a new jacket, several tins of olives, and some chorizo sausage.

And tonight is the final night of my holiday. Nothing Man is of the opinion that we should buy some viagra to counteract any problems that may arise (or not, so to speak), but I can´t help feeling how wishful his thinking is.

Case in point: I´d brought along a pack of condoms for this trip. I may as well have brought tampons just in case I started menstruating.

I have 15 more hours left until I wake up and leave for grey skies, rain, work, and responsibility. And in those 15 hours, the Last Hoorah; Tapas, Spanish bars, then those godforsaken British discos. And I ABSOLUTELY MUST GET MY ROCKS OFF.

So please, visit your mosques and your synagogues. Approach your Vicars and Priests, your Gurus and your Chief Druids. Tell them that I sincerely, undeniably, unquestionably need to have hot, dirty, semi-anonymous sex with a virtual stranger I´ve met in a down-market club on the Costa Del Sol. This is vital to the good of mankind.
Affording me the chance to give or receive oral sex will have Israelis shaking hands with Palestinians.
Getting a full-blown shag will ultimately cause global terrorists to reconsider their nefarious ways.

And if my prospective ladypartner is really cute, and really really filthy and excitable and fun and engaging and is grateful to immerse herself in all sorts of depravity with me, the resultant orgasms will create shockwaves of love across the world, and touch all humanity.

Please pray for me tonight. The future of the world is at stake.


Z said...

In one way, I hope you get your wish.

Oh bum. I won't be half-hearted. Go for it, Fwengebola. But if you turn down another drunken trollope, don't blame God.

Oh my word, the WV starts 'wtf'

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

*on hands and knees praying* 'Please God, put Fwenge out of his misery!'

Peach said...

perhaps shoulda gone for the skinny chick if that desperate?

Sure you'll do better tonight....

Here's praying for you !

thegirl said...

There's desperation and there's desperation...

Sincerely hope you get laid Fwenge - and soon.

Anonymous said...

Gripping hands together, squinting eyes, frowning... send fuck thoughts your way... although really, again, you are too fussy. Just fuck someone. You don't have to marry them. :)

Angela-la-la said...

Fille, I think I'd go as far as saying he's fussier than me! 8-O

I don't believe in anyone to pray too but I'll send you some fuckthoughts. They're much more fun than prayers...

Angela-la-la said...

Too? Too?!


luna said...


Sabine said...

ok we wil be all be down on our knees, hoping and praying that you will also be doing the same, or that someone will be down at yours!

stephen with a ph said...

Currently all my prayers are heading to the Sun Gods!!

fwengebola said...

Z ~ In one way? Why just one?
Vi ~ Who did you pray to, Jim Davidson???
Peach ~ Thanks for the praying!
TG ~ Hey, I turned down one girl, I'm not that desperate. But thank you otherwise. Me too.
LFM ~ Fuckthoughts. Brilliant. I'm using that in general discourse.
Ang ~ Good point, how can atheists pray? But thanks for your fuckthoughts and grammar.
Lune ~ Yep, you can pray to him if you want.
Sabine ~ I'm enjoying the idea of all this kneeling action.
Swaph ~ Your prayers worked, Stephen. It remained hot for the duration of the holiday.