28 Days Later is on at the moment. I think I'd quite like to survive a post-apocalyptic world populated by zombies. At least then I'd have clear, attainable goals in life; Kill zombies, Don't die, Go for a swim.
I feel like a zombie. I am bored. My stop-gap emergency job, the one where I gave myself a year to claw back my debts, get a new flat to rent, and look for The Right Job in the meantime has now ticked along and I've been there for almost two years, two years of keeping my head down as I still haven't got a clue what to do or where to go.
I have joined Facebook in the last couple of weeks and it is eating up all my time. I have spotted some lads I was at school with - wankers, mainly. Some are married with kids. Most have girlfriends. All appear to have decent jobs, or their own businesses, and look very, very content. So that's been a fun discovery, realising you've wandered so far off the beaten track, you can hear a banjo being played somewhere.
I was invited to my Dads for dinner on Friday night. While his friends chatted among themselves, I looked at my old man and it was like looking into the future. His shoulders were drooped, his head hung a little low. He stared into the middle distance looking like a man whose dreams, ambitions and plans went unfulfilled a long time ago. He is 73, still working, still with a mortgage to pay.
And no-one has told the weather it's late June.
On the plus side, I am chatting on-line to a ladyperson. I don't have the heart to tell her that I'm not a barrel of laughs right now, a bit like a Jim Davidson concert. I also have a week's holiday in Spain coming up. That may help. It also may give me chronic liver failure, reinforce the fact that I'm clinically doomed, and necessitate a futher holiday by the time I get back to work.
33 years on this bloody planet and all I've got to show for it is a fucking blog.
* * * * * * * * * UPDATE 26.06.07 * * * * * * * * * * * *
I have since read my comments. I am largely moved, and feel a tad primadonna-ish and more than a little told off. I apologise. It was Sunday night. I had eaten a lot of carbs and smoked like an impending ban was upon us. Needless to say, I shall try and keep the really miserable stuff well contained. Furthermore, I shall try and - oh god - write something properly creative n' that. Just don't ever expect to see it on TV or in a bookstore. But thank you for assuming it could be.