* If you walk onto a London tube escalator and yell at the people gormlessly standing on the left "Move over to the right folks, you're blocking the way!", some people are going to take umbrage.
* I have no imagination and can't think of anything better to do with my weekend than go to the pub. I am also intrinsically lazy, and come Saturday and Sunday, I can't summon up the energy to go for a bike ride or do something healthy.
I am beginning to envy couples.
* The only people taking umbrage over your yelling "Move over to the right folks, you're blocking the way!" on a crowded London tube escalator won't be the people who were blocking the way but a bunch of teenage Chavs who, despite standing on the right anyway, resent someone who isn't one of them being loud in public.
* I'm am not an alcoholic and am able to wait until Friday night for a drink. I am, however, an idiot, and attempt to do all the previous week's drinking in one go.
* Once you have free access on the left hand side of a London tube escalator and are able to approach said teenage Chavs who were telling you to shut up, placing your open palm on their chest and telling them firmly to calm the fuck down will make them back off very quickly.
* I have never been good with hangovers and at 33, they're not getting any easier. Just 5+ pints on a Friday, and I can kiss my Saturday goodbye.
* Teenage Chavs on a London tube escalator travel in packs. After telling one of them to calm down, there will be about eight more of the fuckers further down who want to kick your head in for making their mate look like the mouthy little coward that he is.
* Left to my own devices, I can't think of anything better than to watch telly and moan that nothing's on. This is why I haven't bought computer games for about 16 years; my childhood was wasted trying to rescue a Scientist's daughter from the Nazis, so as much as I'm tempted to buy a game, I am all to aware of the inherent sadness in spending my free time trying to achieve happiness for a bunch of computer generated characters that don't actually exist.
How the hell can anyone live with themselves, making career decisions for some pixellated images for months on end whilst doing nothing about their own sorry existence? But my God I'm tempted.
* Teenage Chavs on the London Underground will be heading further into London at around 11pm, and fortunately not out of the fucker, which is handy when you realise they want to kick your head in but aren't actually headed your way.
* If you've got dreams, aspirations, desires, and wishes, act on them. Sadly, it's far easier said than done but trust me, it ain't gonna fall into your lap.
Oh god, all this introspection can only mean one thing: I am subconsciously on the verge of quitting smoking, cutting down on weekend pissups, going on a major diet, joining a gym, and getting a better job. All the usual wrongs, coming back to be righted.
Ugh, the effort.
* UPDATE - Oh, and if you listen to your iPod while withdrawing money from a cash machine, you won't hear the damn thing beeping at you to take your card, and will have to cancel the fucker when you realise what you've done five hours later.