Friday, April 20, 2007

Wisdom Tooth Hell

When I visited the dentist last month, I thought it prudent to ask about my wisdom teeth as every so often, one will flare up and become uncomfortable for a day. I was referred to my local NHS Hospital (for the Non-British, free healthcare), where they told me I would be seen in two months. The actual surgery would be another two months later. It's a ridiculously long time, but it's a) free, and b) exactly the same service as going private. As long as you're happy waiting, it's an incredible gift to the public that is haemmoraging money and falling apart at the seams.

Except one wisdom tooth won't wait. I had one of those five times a decade twinges yesterday but this time, it's different. It's real. This fucker wants out, and it's letting me know about it, particularly at 2am this morning, and at 2.30am, and 4am, and 5:25am. At eight o'clock, I phoned my boss and told him not to expect me, as this tooth feels as if the root is made of barbed wire and is trying to burrow unceasingly into my gum like a dog burying a spiky bone. Like a true man, I am finding this excruciatingly unbearable.

So I dared to approach the NHS with an emergency. First call took 12 minutes to be answered. A bored woman told me to call the emergency triage. I did. A recording told me the triage operates from 7pm. I then call Hospital reception. An indifferent lady told me I won't get seen and to call the NHS Direct line. I did. Another woman bombarded me with questions; name, postcode, date of birth, to the point that I had to tell her I was finding it painful to reply. She eventually told me to call the East London Dental School some 30 miles on the other side of town. The School's evil banshee took great pleasure in telling me I could wait all day and not be seen.
'But this needs to come out now!', I said.
'We can't do that today', she said.
'When can you?', I asked.
'Four months', she snapped gleefully.

I am now going to shell out a lot of money to see a private dentist today - that'll be a credit card purchase then. If need be, he will remove the tooth himself for three quarters of a million pounds.

I love this country.


chopperbomb said...

Does this mean you're not coming out tomorrow for IL? Wait, maybe beer will sooth it?

fwengebola said...

I don't know how I'll be. I may be as I am now avec tooth and in pain or dosed up on pills, or else I will have a space where my nerve-fucking tooth was, and possibly in pain or dosed up on pills.
We shall see what the future holds.

me said...

not your best week, then

actonb said...

So... sticking your fingers in your ears and saying 'lalalala' didn't work then? This doesn't bode well for me...
I think the combination of painkillers and beer will make this week seem like it never happened. Which is a Good Thing.

Angela-la-la said...

Ouch. Hugs.

Now butch up and take the pain like a man!

stephen with a ph said...

Sorry to mention it now but the story of the flight from NY was painfully funny!

la fille mariƩe said...

So... dosed up on pills, and maybe with some beer on top of that?

I look forward to some lovely rambling posts. :)

S said...

Three quarters of a million????? I've a pair of pliers and a very steady hand. Hows 50 quid sound?? ;o)

luna said...

Actually it's more painful to recover from a wisdom tooth operation than to let nature run its course and suffer its coming out.
If your teeth are coming on normally,and you can use them to chew the cud in your old age,why pay to get butchered?

The pain will stop in a week or so.
In the meantime,try dabbing your gums with clove oil,or mash a clove and keepit next to the tooth.Or take gin.

Joie de Vivre said...

wisdom teeth suck. try and get them all out at once. i only had 2 done and i cant make myself go back for the other 2. it was so painful.

hope ur unwise soon.

Anonymous said...

So the trip to New York helped your wisdom, then.

fwengebola said...

me ~ I've had far, far better.
act ~ Yesterday night, when I was dosed up on pills, I would've agreed with you, but now I have swollen up and am in pain, so it's best all left alone. Sheisse!
You're still FB to me! ~ I am trying. Trust me, I am being manly.
Stephen ~ The experience was infinitessimally worse.
LFM ~ Shouldn't be difficult. Although I don't know if it's wise with this gash in my mouth. Tres attractive.
S ~ Should've gone with your offer. I can't see how it would've been worse.
Luna ~ Too late - it's out. I shall post a new one in a mo.
JDV ~ I totally agree. Getting one removed killed me. I can't fathom getting 3 more done.
Anon ~ Sas re akhal? This is one month I'm not keen to repeat.