Monday, April 16, 2007

New York IV

Just a matter of hours now until I get my plane. I have done all the shopping I want to do, and I am bloated and full of fucking carbs; beigels, tortillas, brownies, hamburgers. Last night, Ladyfriend and I went out for a Mexican, which was quite pleasant. She was in a wonderful mood, almost glowing, chipper and squeaking just as I remember her best when she'd visit me in London.

Outside, there was a Nor'Easter. In layman's terms, really shit weather. The day began with strong winds and fierce rain, and it didn't stop for about 18 hours; a relentless, constant, powerful deluge of near horizontal wetness drilling into skulls and seeping through clothes. When we left the restaurant, the pavements were like rivers - stepping into the road to cross over it was to submerge your foot into a raging, ankle-high stream. And I won't even get started on the effort it took to hang on to my umbrella.

Once again, as I haven't ceased to mention, it is apparently boiling in Britain. I simply can't fathom the concept under these circumstances. Almost every American I meet, I've told them the current temperature in London.

At Ladyfriend's apartment, I hung my jeans and coat up to dry, and we watched Babel (If you have ever expressed a desire to watch this film, don't, unless you have been toying with the idea of suicide recently and need that extra shove into the noose.) After that, we watched La Petite Jerusalem, a film about Orthodox Jews in Paris. And yes, there were sex scenes aplenty, and plenty a' nudity. Despite the subject matter. The French could remake Happy Feet as a live action feature, and they'd somehow crowbar existential angst and violent double penetration shots into a story about dancing penguins.

After our miserable fest of film, Ladyfriend and I retired to bed. I told her I will be sleeping on the couch. She told me not to be so silly. We had been cuddling up watching TV and finally, I thought, she still cares about me. Maybe we won't have sex, but we might finally bond for once and, perchance, be slightly intimate, if only for a minute or two.


Monday morning. I am flying home this evening. Ladyfriend is the happiest yet, despite the rain outside, despite the fact that it's a Monday morning, and Ladyfriend has repeatedly told me how much of a morning person she isn't. I take her buoyancy and cheerfulness as a roundabout Hurry Up and Fuck Off, so when she's about to leave for work and reaches in to kiss me on my cheek, I thrust her my outstreched hand instead, saying 'Put it there, Ladyfriend.'

Without a word, she shakes my hand and leaves. Guilt has now consumed me from the Nor'East as black clouds hover above me, unleashing a torrent of Shameshit on my head.

I am scum.

I leave the apartment. I buy an amazing pair of size 14 sneakers that would cost me three times as much in the UK, and be five times harder to find. I purchase the Chris Rock Show on DVD. I toy with the idea of buying The Critic on DVD, as well as countless other movies and shows I hadn't yet thought I needed. I track down Jeff and take him to lunch (I had actually arranged to go out with him tonight - he'd planned a few bars and a strip club - until I realised I am flying home and had to cancel. As a married man, he was NOT THRILLED with this plan being shelved.)

I went back to a Spanish Israeli discount store I visited a few days back, for more cheap clothes. This time I was pleased to see a really, really intriguingly sexy Latino redhead with a quite remarkable body which incorporated the most voluptuous backside despite her petite frame. Plus she had that 'How jou doin?' Rosie Perez accent we never hear in England and I wanted to have sex with her if she'd let me.
(Although I do look like the antichrist because I gave myself such an enthusiastic shave on Saturday that I accidentally carved a mathematical symbol into my chin that didn't stop bleeding for an hour.)

I now have three hours left. Ladyfriend has called from work to check up on me. Maybe she appreciates the possibility that we'll never see each other again, and is keeping things sweet. I don't even know where things stand between us, but I'd say it's somewhere between indifference and closure.

Right - I'm going to pack.


Dave Fishwick said...

'Sneakers'? Dear God, what in the world has that woman done to your mind?

Fussy Bitch said...

I thought for a second you were going to say the redhead turned round and had a beard! Sorry, where was I..?

Why are you scum when you've travelled all that way and she's behaved like someone that can't communicate so is incredibly rude instead and then makes no attempt to hide her pleasure/relief that you're leaving?

I'm tempted to think this is her sick revenge on you for not wanting her before (and I have a ridiculous urge to slap her silly, sulky face and tell her to grow the fuck up).

Still, at least you got to shop well and have lunch with Jeff, that's a fairly good silver lining.

Fly safe, sweetie.

luna said...

If it makes you feel any better,Kate and Will have split too.He's dumping her for a posh bird he's got the hots for.

And if you insist on slitting your wrists,alas today monday was the last of the warm front,the artic/siberian weather is coming to London this weekend,how about a double dose of deluge?...

actonb said...

I agree with fussy.
I should have stuck with the 'she deserves a slapping' line I was yelling at you while (slightly) tipsy the other night.
Nothing says 'I think you're lovely and a worthwhile human being' more than a transatlantic flight. In my book at least.

londongirl said...


dude. I'm confused. What's with the hand shake?

You two have completely mis communicated. If communicated at all. And why travel 4000 miles to watch a film with her? TALK TO HER.

Good lord.

I want to slap the pair of you.

me said...

it all sounds far too civilised. I hope you get to jump and down and scream a little, but, perhaps, BEFORE you get on either of the two flights.

fwengebola said...

DF ~ Aaargh! I feel so dirty.
FB ~ I see where you're coming from, but I'm afraid I don't agree. I did dump her a year ago as I knew it would take about a year for me to get back out there. Now I am back home in London, I'm quite amazed that I did go.
She hurts, because I hurt her. And we have talked. It's all a tad messy but no-one's fault.
Luna ~ You mean I've brought that weather with me???
Actonb ~ Nonononononono! I disagree. Love does strange things to a persons head at the best of times, and going through the healing process can only help, even if it means you've knocked your paramour clean off that pedestal and humanised them. And end up a bit cold and distant.
Some may say I shouldn't have gone in the first place.
LG ~ Dude? Anyway, I think my posts aren't communicating the fact that we have been communicating.It must be very frustrating to read this when you're not getting a sense of that. We had the chat after the film. Hence my feeling that we may have cozied up afterwards. She probably did the right thing though. I am now back in London and sex would have made things worse, made me feel a bit of a toad, and confirmed for her that I am one.
Albeit having had said sex.
me ~ We've chatted. I should probably post the conclusion now.

Huw said...

I don't agree with all the talk of slapping, nor even necessarily of the talking. Emotions and situations like these can't always be talked out. It's not a bloke thing, it's not an immature thing. It's just a 'one of those' things.

isabelle said...

I think I agree with Huw. Some things are just like that, have to be done and maybe reflected about afterwards.

Anyway, glad you're back and at least the weather is still nice .

fwengebola said...

Huw ~ Yes, one of those random things that can never adequately be explained. Like Noel Edmonds.
Is ~ Thank you, and reflect I will. Like forever.

Will said...

I read that as "I am bloated and full of fucking crabs". Thank God.

la fille mariƩe said...

Sweetie... I'm glad you're home, and thank you for the email from NY. If the trip brings you closure, that's all that matters. Now, stop agonizing.

Joie de Vivre said...

i told you you shoulda come to visit me in nz instead.

fwengebola said...

Will ~ Now that would've been an interesting post.
LFM ~ Me? Not agonise? Ha!
JDV ~ Slightly longer to get to, but probably would've been more fun. Better weather too, even if it is autumn over there.