Monday, April 23, 2007

A New Life Starts Here

... just as soon as my fucking jaw rebones itself, and this angry ulcer that has surfaced on my lip - my body's way of screaming silently at violent dental surgery - has healed up.

I'm going to quit kickboxing this week. I feel slightly guilty (obviously), yet said guilt is massively outweighed by the sense that I'm getting some life, and some money, back. Now that spring has sprung and summer is fast approaching like an unbearbly stifling evening spent tossing myself asleep, I want as much evening time as possible. I'm going to join a cheap gym (cost: nearly a third cheaper than shitkicking, with some firm pecs thrown in), quit the fags (ha!), and attempt some healthy eating shtick. And on top of that, I'm going to peruse the possibility of writing my way out of my job. I'm at an age where I'll have to act now, or forever condemn myself to a lifetime of drudgery. For the five billionth time.

My sexlife is as dormant as Krakatoa (both last saw some action in 1883), Ladyfriend and I have exchanged an email or two that, while friendly, doesn't go anywhere and always ends with her ultimately not replying, plus I'm skint.

So, if I'm going to get a better wage, aim to buy that beautiful quarter of a million pound cupboard in a dangerous London suburb, and live a fuckin' little, I'd better get cracking.

Plus I'm going to be 33 in under two weeks. Oh goody.

I feel good things ahead. But then again, I always feel good things ahead either at the beginning of a new year, or else in the spring.
By November I expect to be a broken man lying in the gutter of shattered dreams, surrounded by a small hillock of discarded pizza boxes, and resting on a mattress of vodka bottles and crack pipes.


So come on, everyone, let's have a bit of PMA and enjoy ourselves. HOORAY!!!


VI said...

Yep, think it's time we all had some PMA in our lives. Sun shining (well, not today) warming up, time to make something out of our sad little lives!

la fille mariƩe said...

Yes! I have faith in you! Sex by midsummer and a book started by Christmas!

luna said...

You're not gonna go all Californian on us ,are you?

I support kicking the kickboxing.I don't think it's really you.

The thing is,you tend to jump into projects without proper research or linking.
For instance you went into that class more by chance than from a real liking,when maybe you'd better shop around and do some taster classes of a million things before committing.

You start up on an intensive cycling regime,but you don't modify your diet increasing calories and proteins to sustain your effort and you end up knackered.

You stop smoking cold turkey,but against general advice you think you can do it by yourself and don't arrange any outside backup etc,you get my drift.

So yes,I applaud your decisions but please look before you jump or there shall be more tears to come.

Anonymous said...

The stalker returns. I'm watching you...

Buggles Balham High Road said...

Just write.

Angela-la-la said...

PMA? Here? Whatever next?

I dreamed of you last night, in a roundabout way. Could you please have sex if you're going to fuel my subconscious?

Anonymous said...

Look at me mate,

I planned to write my book and I've done nothing!

PMA is just PMT - but for everybody!

fwengebola said...

Vi ~ That's the spirit! 'We're insignificant, so let's make the most of it.'
LFM ~ Started by Christmas? Actually, you're probably right. Bit optimistic about the sex, though.
Luna ~ Erm, have we ever actually met? I'm beginning to think maybe we have.
Anon ~ Jolly good. Enjoy.
BBHR ~ Welcome. I intend to. Until everyone on the planet is bored.
Alalala ~ You may have to wait a while, love.
Anon? ~ Then we need another meet up, mano et homo. It's been a while.

Lady in red said...

33 in a few weeks well you ahve only got 7 years to get yoursef ready then. they say life starts at 40! I disagree its 42 but what the heck go get a head start. just remember the glass is always half full not half empty!

Lady in red said...

has anyone reminded you that lifecan be found in blah so go get yourself up there

sue said...

Hooray indeed! I think it's fabulous news you are going to write. You shouldn't be giving this stuff for free while Ben Elton is still getting paid.
Hope you are feeling better.

Anonymous said...

I know your sex life is poor but there is really no need to resort to this.

actonb said...

I was starting to think that Luna is actually your mother. Or older sister.... Because her advice is very very good.

fwengebola said...

LiR ~ But life only began at 40 back in the days when you got married and had kids in your early twenties and the buggers fled the nest at a similar age! At that rate, my life won't begin til my Sixties!
And Vi's never mentioned where Blah is. Unsurprisingly.
Sue ~ That's true. Mind you, he did co-write Queen, the bloody musical.
Anon ~ Oh god, not that story again. Did you know that Zizzi is French slang for penis? Apparently.
Actonb ~ She's certainly something.

Joie de Vivre said...

i havent clicked the wiki-link yet, but you are having a laugh if you try and kid me that november sentence fitted in with PMA.

and u can kickbox anywhere, good move with the el cheapo gym. (once again Joie imagines Fweng at Brentford Pool in tight speedos, strawberry pubes peeking out the side)

fwengebola said...

Good point, but I'm merely being realistic. And defeatist. Hooray!
Well, I've told them I'm quitting. I am a quitter. I've quit.
Felt a bit guilty, actually.

Lady in red said...

my kids are still at home and I have begun to live! you dont have to wait until they leave home.
you should be living while you dont ahve any.... Im sure if you asked Vi

luna said...

You mean someBODY I hope

fwengebola said...

Lady ~ Are you trying to set me up?
Lune ~ I see, thank you.