Work, yesterday. I leave my desk to pay a visit to the bathroom. Answering the call of nature will be my only break unless I've decided to smoke that day. (In which eventuality, two minutes standing outside my office and looking at passers by with the same gormless sallow expression of an Essex nightclub attendee provides me with a little extra respite from the daily grind.)
But generally, my little breaks from work occur when I'm sitting on the toilet and reading that day's Metro or else thumbing through our resident copy of Titanic: The Ship That Never Sank. (Many a time have I passed sterling evacuations whilst noting the comments of an assortment of Captains, pursers and various other eyewitnesses from a 95 year old inquiry.)
Ours is an office occupied solely by men. As a result, our one nod towards sanitation is a purple cake enclosed in plastic and attached to the rim of the khazi - a cake which has long since gone yellow due to some primal urge to aim at something. I'm almost 100% certain that my colleagues all do this too, but we have yet to bring this up in casual conversation.
And so, on completion of yesterday's successful release, I reached for the paper on my left, hanging from the wonky dispenser on the wall. Nutsacks, just a lonely cardboard tube. I reach over to my right, to grab the remaining toilet rolls next to the dust-covered sink, where the Charmin reside. I noted the cover; a cute cartoon bear cheerfully cuddling a toilet roll. Depicted next to it was the self same bear, this time hugging a few more rolls and beaming with delight. Next to that was a final picture of the bear utterly enraptured, almost sexually so, as he cradled into his hairy bosom dozens of the fuckers.
Suddenly, and with Zen-like clarity from a mind unencumbered by any thought other than that of ursine caricatures, I realised; 'Oh My God. These are the bears that shit in the woods.'
I could use my spare time to ponder the Meaning of Life or else have a good hard think as to where I want to go in life, but Nooooo, let's just 'get' a Marketeer's in-joke whilst sitting on the toilet instead.