Chris Rock, as I have mentioned in the past, is pretty much up there in my estimation with God. Which is quite high praise, except I believe in the existence of Chris Rock.
For example, Mr Rock's view on politics is pretty straightforward;
"Everybody's so busy wanting to be down with the gang - 'I'm Conservative, I'm Liberal, I'm Conservative', Bullshit! Be a fucking person! Listen! Let it swirl around your head. Then form your opinion. No normal, decent person is one thing, ok? I've got some shit I'm Conservative about, I've got some shit I'm Liberal about. Crime, I'm Conservative. Prostitution, I'm liberal!"
I heartily agree. Except after reading this today, when I realised I may be fascist.
The headline is 'Toddlers filmed being made to fight by Mother'.
So, that's a mother.
Who puts her children aged two and three into the centre of the room.
Then gathers her friends.
And goads the brother and sister to punch each other.
Oh, and she films it while the adults laugh.
So I've stopped being a liberal and I've become a full-on fascist. All I can think of is sterilisation. Sterilise this absolute cunt of a woman in case she ever dares disgorge more children to fuck up for fun. And sterilise her friends for joining in. And give those kids to the richest foster family in Britain for adoption.
It's little stories like these that bring out the Ghengis Khan in me. In fact, what with Britain being ranked among the lowest of the developed countries when it comes to child welfare, and considering our love of all things being monitored and fined, I'm frankly amazed that we haven't regulated procreation yet.
Because we should.
Are you in a loving, caring relationship and want children? Great.
Do you want to raise a child as your own, and to the best of your ability? Wonderful.
Are you only in this baby-having lark for a free council house? Sorry, I'm afraid answering 'Yes' will result in the insertion of a cement hymen and thirty years of enforced schooling.
All children being born to children (the under-18s) will be banned. The babies will be given to loving families for adoption. The mothers will be locked up until they stop fucking. Or at least fuck legally and sensibly in scenarios that a) leave the fuckers with nothing more than a fulfilling orgasm and b) Don't leave them with an unwanted baby that the rest of the country has to pay for in more ways than one.
In addition, any man who denies his responsibilities as a father will be forever under house arrest, and in the house where his child is. If he doesn't play or love or care for his child, then he can be transferred to a jail until he decides to play nice.
Should he manage to father a second child he has no interest in caring for, he should be castrated immediately before he can create unwanted offspring numbers three, four and five.
And jailed anyway.
If a child under 14 is found wandering about on their own, both parents should be fined £100 for each minute that the child was left alone. If the child is caught vandalising, or theiving, or indulging in Anti-Social behaviour, the parents should have their windows smashed by an unruly mob. If the child is violent and abusive to complete strangers, then the parents' home should be demolished and turned into a Petting Zoo.
CBEs, OBEs, and MBEs will no longer be awarded to persons in the following industries; Music, Broadcast, Grinning, Being Old.
CBEs, OBEs, and MBEs will thus be awarded to parents who have:
a) Raised children who are disciplined and respectful, and have managed this without hitting them,
b) Brought up children under extraneous circumstances, such as in a single-parent unit when this wasn't originally the case,
c) Produced loving children with a healthy understanding of the rules of society and their place in it.
And now, I will stop ranting. Every so often, I get angered because bastards, morons and the selfish have been allowed to reproduce.
I never thought I'd do this, but I'm going to quote a line as hammed up in the most disgracefully wooden way by Keanu-fucking-Reeves in 'Parenthood':
"You know Mrs Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car, Hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."
Ok, it's not that fulfilling an end quote, but it'll have to do.