Thursday, February 15, 2007

Flu

What a waste of a thing. You're plodding along, minding your own business when WHAM! You're forced into bed, too weak to move, too hot to not leave your bedclothes dripping with sweat, incapable of doing anything other than sneezing fiercely and ripping your lips open in the process.

You lose your appetite which is no bad thing as you lose your sense of taste too and may as well be eating glue sandwiches in cardboard bread. You're bunged up and find breathing difficult. If you duct tape your mouth closed, you die. Simply running your fingers through your hair is painful as it feels as if each strand is attached by a little barb under your scalp which pulls at your brain.

I don't even know what the difference is between cold and flu other than one lasting longer than the other. All I know is that I'm either in a lackadaisical void, or I'm in a lackadaisical void and I don't feel very well.

My Boss boss has run his company for a good forty years. For the first five, he did it alone. How? HOW? Am I to assume he never got a cold? Or even worse, he went through what I'm going through now but shrugged it off! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? I'M DYING HERE....

Large Northern Flatmate watched me in the living room last night, coughing violently, and commenting that he never gets ill. He's right, he really doesn't seem to. Again, How? Why?
Fucker.

I can only assume he's like the teenage Damien in Omen II in the factory scene where pipes burst and employees choke on the fumes and die. But Damien simply walks through it all, slowly, seriously, and to an accompaniment of satanic Gregorian chant.

My flatmate is the antichrist.

15 comments:

londongirl said...

Take drugs.

Sleep.

Drink water.

Ignore manly housemate.

Get well soon

fwengebola said...

No, no, NO, NO, NO.
I'm manly, and stoic, and square-jawed, and hard.

(I want a cuddle.)

la fille mariƩe said...

Yes, schnookie, you are manly. You're a big boy. Don't you let that big, bad bully LNF make you feel bad.

Kisses and hugs,

LFM

Fussy Bitch said...

Aww. I'm shit at making soup but fucking great at cuddles.

Just make sure there's a box or soemthing for me to stand on, will ya?

thegirl said...

I'm ill in bed too. Ugh. Hope you get better soon.

Little Bird said...

I send you sunshine and hugs from the bottom of the world Fwergy.

Word verif has you in mind today: snotp

Lady in red said...

hope all you poorly people get better soon.....

big hug for you all

fwengebola said...

LFM ~ Oh god, that's helping, thank you...
FB ~ Box? You're no Jimminy Cricket, are you?
TG ~ Oh dear, really? It's so crap. And mine's actually stretched from one weekend to the next. Hope you feel better.
LB ~ Hey Sarge, send some pics of Melbourne.
(I really must go sometime. See my Auntie.)
LiR ~ Thanks lady. my 'New Cold a Day' has now forgone the bunged up sensation for a sore, itchy throat. Excellent.

The Hobo said...

Flu? Pah!

I spit on it. You should try sleeping on the streets mate!

Get well soon, mate. Tuesday night drinking, next week!

fwengebola said...

Yes, yes, yes, I shall force myself to get better, and will start injecting meths into my cockvein next week.

Fussy Bitch said...

meths into my cockvein

That's quite possibly the most horrible mental picture I've ever had from any blog, ever.

I'm no-one's conscience but at 5'2" I am what you once kindly termed 'a fucking elf!'

fwengebola said...

Oh yeah, the elf comment!

(Sorry.)

luna said...

Your beastly flatmate never gets ill because even the most infectious viruses and bacterias of this planet are actually scared to go near him.
Same goes for bosses,the hardiest species on earth.

My alcoholic of an ex never used to get any colds or flu either (unlike my teetotal self) and always eager to justify his dependence he boasted it was because alcohol kills germs.
Guess what? a few weeks later I actually came across a study stating that beer drinkers don't get as ill as the rest of the population!!!So unfair!
Mind you being from Yorkshire he only drank real ale.
Well it can't be in the northern water anyway since he never drank any.Maybe the pudding?...

fwengebola said...

I think bosses, or oddballs who run their own places, are so very very keen to make lots of money that they forget to fall ill.
And I can't believe you don't drink. Most of your comments sound vaguely pissed.

luna said...

Pissed off,maybe,but pissed pissed,impissible.