Monday, January 29, 2007

The Rut


Pestilence. Wrath. Botulism.
Crankiness, Shoulder-hunched slovenly idleness, Cold, angry wind blowing into reddened faces of despair.

It's no good. This year, on the internationally recognised Sexy Scale of rating, is so far proving to be a prone, bloated, semi-naked and listless Jim Davidson in a cheap satin bodice, lube in hand as he's sprawled rat-face down on a feculent crack-den mattress, gasping for breath as he gags on an old sock.

This time last year, by comparison, would've been Shilpa Shetty shampooing slowly in the shower.
Back then I had been at my new job for four months, and in my new flat for three. I had some time to bide, and a routine to enjoy. I bought myself a shiny new red bicycle. I started dieting. I knuckled down, paid off my debts, started swimming, and felt very very good.

But 12 months on and I've done the day job. I like it - and the boss and family I work for are very kind indeed - but I'm just going through the motions. I know what to do, so I wake up and do it. And in return, I get to pay the rent and bills, and buy processed food that I can't be bothered to bypass for fruit and veg.
Prior to my current job, I had always wondered what it would be like to work in Business and now I know; Hard.
Requires Dedication.
And Effort.
And pretty much all your waking attention, even on weekends, if you want to be a success.
Except I'd rather write, and I don't think The Grauniad will give me my own column just yet, particularly what with not having a Journalism degree or any kind of talent or contacts. (Except a step-brother who is editor of a weekly British newspaper, oddly enough, but who I don't really speak to and who thinks I should validate my fucking way in life, dammit.)

I have a headache today. Or is it a migraine? I can't tell the difference. My head hurts, mainly from lack of sleep that is common for a Monday as I spent Sunday night avoiding bed (and the impending full week of work) by cunningly staying up as long as I could watching bad tv, thus squeezing out every last drip of weekend.
Result: Tonight, I was forced to miss Martial Arts as I was exhausted by evening's end and had yet to cycle home.

My legs were aching all day today, but I couldn't recall doing anything at the weekend that may have exacerbated that - Unless it was lifting Mum from bed to wheelchair. I turned up at her house late too, which meant she'd spent six horizontal hours waiting for me to arrive. And if that's not guilt-inducing enough, a few weeks ago, Mum had upgraded her computer and gave me her old one. When I took it back to my flat and realised it was the same spec as my current one, I opened it up and gave the motherboard a couple of hefty smacks until it ceased to work. I then left the machine outside where it was duly picked up and walked away with by a complete stranger.

Then, last Friday, a repairman came to fix a computer at work. I watched as he swapped the useless motherboard for a nice new one and got all the files and programs back again. I thought 'How clever.'

71 hours later, I was still thinking 'How clever.'
It has taken me exactly 72 hours to form the thought (i.e. dawned on me just this second) that all I did a couple of weeks ago was to break my Mum's motherboard (ironic) then allow her computer to be stolen. The hard drive - I now realise - I left intact. The Hard Drive. The fucking storage where all the programs and files and everything personal goes. I am pretty confident that Mum left a lot of Very Important Details on that machine. Lots of addresses, bank details, PIN numbers, that kind of thing.

Why did I do that? Why did I a) barely bother to wipe the machine clean after b) deciding that the computer was pretty worthless and beyond my walking all eight tons of it to a charity shop?

Question is, has the person who took the computer repaired it and got at that information? And if they have, are they going to wipe that information off and re-use the computer? Or use or sell Mum's bank details? And if that's a strong possibility, do I tell a 66-year-old disabled woman currently convalescing from a fall that resulted in breaking her ankle in two places four days ago that she might like to get on the phone and call her bank and four billion credit card companies because I may have inadvertantly...

Oh bollocks.


Anonymous said...

More likely, someone will try to turn it on, it won't work, and they'll trash the computer.

Don't panic until there's a reason to panic...

VI said...

Did someone forget to tell you, fwenge, that the most depressing day of the year was last Monday? Or are you just being fashionably late? ;-p

fwengebola said...

LFM ~ You're right, ducks. I'm worrying about the 'yet-to-transpire's. Still... grumble, grumble.
VI ~ Neither. I'm just making the most out of life by milking it for a week.

The Girl said...

Tell her. Tell her now. Guilt is better out than in. You know this.

Z said...

If you do tell her, it might be more tactful to say that you fell over carrying it into your flat.

You do write awfully well when you are thoroughly pissed off.

I don't know if that will make you feel better at all. Or to be told that I have you on my Maternal Worry-List?

Please, buy some fruit and veg. You can eat them raw, they will make you feel keen and healthy.

Little Bird said...

Ah, someone who is having a worse day than me...finally I can feel better about the world!

Joie de Vivre said...

Shiiiit!! Ohno, now you have me paranoid about your ma's bank bits being sold for $2.17 all over the net. Out of respect for you, I am halting all my illegal bank account/passcode purchases for the next few days.

ps,. this is exactly the foolish shit i do

furtive said...

i'm with girl on this.

guilt is shit.

and in this situation, you cant really rely on hope, can you?

good luck!

Fussy Bitch said...

Don't say anything unless/until you have to. Offloading your guilt to someone that can't actually change things is just selfish (obviously if worst comes to the worst then own up immediately - that's different altogether)

And stop whinging, The Girl fancies you ffs! ;-)

Word verif; fabwohh.

The noise that women make when they can't bear to be touched immediately after orgasm.

fwengebola said...

TG ~ Better out than in? Isn't that wind?
Eugh. Ok, I'll tell her.
Z ~ I think that's part of the guilt, the fact that I abandoned it. Freud would say I abandoned her, probably. Yes, that's it! And thank you for your kind words. Oddly enough, my friends prefer to see me in a bad mood as I'm more animated, apparently. And it makes them feel a whole lot better.
LB ~ Yes, just like that.
JDV ~ What's the foolish part? Leaving your parent open to theft? Or theiving?
Furtive ~ But guilt is my middle name! I just called her but it went to ansaphone.
FB ~ Oh cocknuggets. I have to keep schtum now? And 'fancies' is a little strong. I leave comments in gay blogs.
And why is it that women can't bear to be touched immediately after orgasm? The last time I had sex I got that response. Or more specifically, "Don't Touch!"
Talk about rejection. I just had to lie there and watch her convulse.

The Nothing Man said...

Not your smartest move, compadre! Always destroy the fucking hard-drive. Always!

Even if you wipe the motherfucker some clued up fifteen-year-old Russian mafia geek will be able to retrieve the information!

luna said...

Don't freak, chances are,the guy who made with the pc is only after a free machine or some spare parts.
It would be an extraordinary coincidence if he were a cunning e-thief who happened to be passing by.

I'd advise against alarming your mum,but to stop worrying you might tell her you accidentally erased the hard drive info and ask her what was on it.

fwengebola said...

NM ~ So what you're saying is 'Don't bother anyway?'
Luna ~ But you never know. There are Poles who live nearby and secretly I read the Daily Mail. Well I've told her anyway and it turns out she didn't leave anything incriminating on there.
Or so she can remember. Still slightly worried.

HM said...

The words my brother lives by and his 1st 3 plans for any bad situation - "Deny, deny, deny"

The Nothing Man said...

The Jim Davidson image is one of the greatest ever created. Hideous but fucking brilliant.

Christ, I wish I'd wrote that!

fwengebola said...

HM ~ Eh? What are you talking about?
You're right, it works!
And welcome.
L'homme Nowt ~ Thank you, really. You have no idea how much I appreciate your sentiments!

Ordinary Girl said...

Fuck!! Cheers Fwengebaby! My pc is knackered (as you know!!) and I so would have just thrown it in the wheelie bin!! Like the last one... :-/

Fuckity fuck!

fwengebola said...