Friday, December 15, 2006

The Skive

11am on a Friday morning and I am at home. I often fantasize about being at home when stuck at my desk at work, but now I'm here, I'm bored and can't be bothered to do anything. My room's a tip, and last night Large Northern Flatmate and I ate all the chocolate meant as stocking fillers for my neices.

We are subhuman scum.

I woke up at 7.30am all bunged up, so I text'd my boss - the coward's way out - to say I wasn't coming in today. I suddenly felt wide awake. There goes my lie-in.

Last night, after a lovely anonymous tip-off that this blog was reviewed in yesterday's London Lite and failing to find a copy, I had to call my mate Jimmy, who was waiting in the wind for a train and trying to stay vertical in his crutches. I had to tell him that I have a blog (I'd been keeping it private as I didn't want to be encumbered by what friends may think - plus I wanted to slag the fuckers off), and could he see this paper lying around anywhere? We hung up.

A few minutes later and my mobile rang.
'Hello Fwengebola,' said Jimmy with the smug satisfaction gained from being privy to a secret. Had I managed to track down my own copy, I would not have felt it necessary to enlist a friend to find one.

But I felt better when he told me that I put him in a very socially awkward position. The only copy of London Lite he could find was on the stomach of a sleeping commuter, forcing Jimmy to smack the man's leg with his crutch and cough loudly, then casually asking the now alert man if he could borrow his paper.

I ran into the living room to tell Large Northern Flatmate, an unemployed yet aspiring scriptwriter, that my blog (which he has always sniffed derisively at and refused to go near) has been suddenly and inexplicably mentioned in one of London's evening papers.

'Congwatulations', he muttered half-heartedly. Yet there was a pause. A slight, almost imperceptible silence, and a grimace of the eyes, showing just the right amount of pain, discomfort, nausea and agony I wanted to see, the perfect end to what was becoming a very enjoyable day.

Victory is mine.



Tonight is a get-together I'd arranged about two months ago and didn't plan on being ill for. I used to work for a ruthlessly inept exams board and quite fancied meeting up with everyone for Christmas. So I will dose up on Lemsips and head down. Plus much later tonight, The Hobo will be ending his work's Christmas party at the hell that is Roxys. I refused to go to when Hobo mentioned it but I'll probably end up there anyway.

HAPPY CHANNUKAH ~ CHEERS!!!

15 comments:

Denim Boy said...

Take your copy of the Lite to the get-together and let them see that you're now part of the A List. Or something.

fwengebola said...

I still haven't seen it. Nah, I won't be telling anyone. I'll be keeping mum.

Fussy Bitch said...

Is it online anywhere? I wanna see it!

Oh, and stop moaning, it's only a cold! xx

la fille mariƩe said...

Yes, would someone please get a copy of this thing to Fweng so he can then somehow share it with the rest of us? Then we can all move on. :)

Anonymous said...

I've just found your blog. You lazy bastard go to work. I can't believe how much time you've spent writing this shit! You know who I am...lol.

fwengebola said...

FB ~ I still haven't seen it. I think it's hard copy only and is now fish and chip paper.
LFM ~ I am trying to move on but I haven't been this excited since I last had sex. (And I don't mean with my hand).
Anon ~ Of course I don't fucking know who... you....

Luke? You like to 'lol', you fucking freak. Come out tonight. I will be going to bars to drink alcohol.

Shoshana said...

Enjoy your day off - I always get bored out of my mind sitting at home, but I hope you manage to find something to do before partying.

fwengebola said...

Watching Family Guy and eating crisps. You know, constructive stuff.

Anonymous said...

more like wanking... with a side order of wanking... you wanker! Not coming out tonight. All the best. Ted.

Shoshana said...

Yay for the Chanukah wishes! Happy Chanukah!

Eileen Dover said...

Can I get your autograph?

luna said...

Well, Father Xmas stopped by early this year at the Fwengebola Hut!

I have to admit, it crossed my mind for a second that you'd nominated yourself to be thrust into the public eye, but your running around like a headless chicken convinced me of your innocence lol

Have you tried scrabbling into your neighbours recycling boxes, they must think you're certifiable by now anyway, especially if you omitted to tell them the reason why you so badly wanted this rag haha you could say you know the girl in the hot pic on page three or something plausible like that!

Anyway, congrats all the same on your sudden fame, and as Shoshana pointed out, remember your selfless early readers from when you were a nobody :))I shall start a blog and hitch my wagon to yours!

As for gobbling up the kiddies choccies: YOU EVIL UNCLE ,is that the next London Lite headline I wouldn't wonder...

Joie DeVivre said...

We gotta see a copy of the London Lite ...

fwengebola said...

I didn't flippin' nominate myself! That would be sad! Although going on about it at length and trying to track a copy down is just as sad.

luna said...

By coincidence on this very day they printed just about 5 copies, did your mate bring you the page to frame on your wall at least.
Maybe with an ad plus reward on e-bay...