Sunday, December 17, 2006

My problems are all behind me

I don't know what I've done to my back, but now I can't fucking move.

Waking up this morning, I couldn't turn 90° onto my side without taking a deep breath and summoning up the kind of willpower required to jump from a burning building. It feels as if my ribcage is going to collapse in on itself. Arses.

Where did I get this from? Certainly not strenuous sex. Could it be blogging? I don't have a chair, but I do have a tiny room in a poxy little flat in fashionable West London, so I have to do all my typing hunched over from the side of my bed, making Quasimodo look like... erm... he has a straight back.

Tschh. I'm not even trying any more.

Cycling's out tomorrow. Dammit, so's karate. My first ever lesson missed. Ah, screw this. I'm going to lie on the ground.


Eileen Dover said...

So, if you didn't get it from strenuous sex, did you get it from non-strenuous sex?

Just wanted to check before I make my official diagnosis.

Shoshana said...

Ouch! I suggest massive quantities of painkillers. And some coffee. Oops, that's me. Umm, I think my mom usually suggests a heating pad and warm milk (but the milk part is just to aggravate me - you know how mothers are). Again and again, feel better :)

Fussy Bitch said...

It's not a bad back, it's a hangover. Drink more beer and see me in the morning.

luna said...

I guess your computer is wrecking your back.

From sore experience I'd recommend lying on the floor on your back with your knees up and stretching your spine by rolling your pelvis up and down as if you were slowly having sex from below (if you see what I mean),and then do a similar rolling forward movement with your neck, then hug your knees,hug yourself to stretch the middle of your back and breathe against the floor.Then you stretch one leg away at a time.
Check your mattress too.

I hope you stay alive.

fwengebola said...

ED ~ Wanking is non-strenuous, at least the way I do it it is. And I'm pretty sure that's not the cause.
Shosh ~ Half a bottle of wine has done the trick. Hooray!!
Bitch ~ See above. Can I see you now?
Lune ~ I did a bit of stretching which helped slightly, plus I found a bottle of water under my bed when I was there. Result!

Anonymous said...

Poor baby... glad you're feeling better.

Joie DeVivre said...

Take the rod out of ur ass, the pain may go away?

I also think the beard will be weighing your neck down ... shave. shave it all, send me pics.

fwengebola said...

It's got worse! Monday morning and I can't move! I don't know why this is happening. I can't shave - I can barely walk. Oh nuts.

Denim Boy said...

'Fashionable' West London?

Fussy Bitch said...

Let me guess... you've stopped drinking haven't you? Alcohol really is the answer, you know. It doesn't matter what the question is.

luna said...

Time to swap the karate for the yoga and the Pilates.

fwengebola said...

DB ~ That's right sunshine, fashionable. Harrods, Earl's Court, erm, the VW dealership on King street.
Fuss ~ No, I don't think I have. Hang on, let me go for a quick walk... no, I fell over.
Lune ~ Yoga? Pilates? Do I look middle-aged?

luna said...

Ha but the cool yoga classes are full of hot flexible chicks and undiscovered by straight males,if you take the hint...
A good position to be in

fwengebola said...


Mind you, our martial arts thang is next door to step-aerobics. Woah!