Monday, December 25, 2006

Christmas, hooray!!!

I'm at my Mums and doing all the cooking. I made the stuffing last night and whacked it up the Turkey's arse. I then promptly forgot about it this afternoon (while we were watching Oliver!) and it's now very very burnt.

Plus I cut my finger open on a very sharp cooking bowl thing, and I'm a bit lightheaded and accidentally smashed a full glass of champagne onto the floor.

Prepared small mountain of brussell sprouts and peeled the potatoes.

Oh bollocks, the guests are coming...

Update: I can't move. I wish I was a cow. They have four stomachs. Two starters before the turkey was probably unnecessary. I am now sweating heavily, but then that's mainly because my Mum's at that age where she's got the heating on maximum, even in July. My stepdad's at that age where he doesn't feel like he has to make conversation, or indeed speak at all. Mum keeps dozing off. It is only 4pm and they don't even drink. Some Like It Hot is on. Great film. But I'm in hiding in case the guests ask how my job is again, or why I'm not dating. I would like a cigarette, or some crack at this point.

7 comments:

la fille mariƩe said...

In the absence of crack, "Some Like it Hot" is an excellent alternative. Seeing Jack Lemmon in drag really is a little like being high.

Your parents must be saints, to not drink on Christmas day. I couldn't survive.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Sounds like you need to get drunk. Merry Christmas!

Eileen Dover said...

I am pretty sure that crack is a component of DNA within a turkey.

Otherwise, why would ordinary normal people feel the need to pluck every stringy tendon and iota of flesh off the poor, dead, and baked carcass?

Hope your four stomachs are happy now. Mooo. :)

Joie de Vivre said...

The crack was where you put the stuffing, now burnt.

Quick said...

I'd just like to say that Bryan is a complete and utter fuckhead and I fucking hate him a lot. Bastard.

(I know, bit late, wrong post but I wasn't sure if you'd see my belated comment of support if I posted it in the correct place).

Also, I can't do those kind of family Christmases anymore. They hurt too much.

fwengebola said...

LFM ~ SLIH was the first film in my childish head that made me realise that funny has always been funny. Until then, I though black and white meant Charlie Chaplin (Although Laurel and Hardy is great). And did you know that Billy Wilder chose B&W as colour made Lemmon and Curtis's make up look too real and thus less funny? It was 1959 (and colour ruling) after all.
MS ~ I am drunk. A very merry welcome!
ED ~ Pringles are legal crack, dontcha know?
JDV ~ I didn't just burn the stuffing, I burnt the whole fucking bird.
Quick ~ Welcome! And godbless you for your cunt recognition. I wouldda got your earlier post though as I get email alerts. But your point still stands. Why do Christmasses hurt though? Mine are just a dull pain, like a papercut.

luna said...

You can whack the stuffing up the turkey's arse, you are officially marriagable