Sunday, November 12, 2006

Things I Hate

I'm fucked off. It's Sunday.
I've stopped smoking, and right now it feels like I'm having a heart attack. Aaargh.
I go back to work tomorrow to continue a job I never thought I'd end up doing but didn't actually mind until I went on holiday, and when I returned it had become dull.
I got plastered on Friday, and have subsequently spent two days pretty much at home doing fuck-all.

So here's a list of anger...

You utter cuntmunch. I want to succeed in life. I want to right my wrongs, be a better person, realise my talents, and spread infectious love and happiness.

But I can't be bothered.

I know for a fact that if/ when I get to a senile and (even more) introspective age, I will utterly regret not having had enough sex. But not through lack of trying, oh no. It's because I clearly have all the sexual allure of a desk.

Discovering GWAOTM momentarily shook up my life. She reminded me that I could work long hours and still cram in time to socialise, meet people, and perchance get laid.
Except most men don't just go out and get laid, ever. It's simply the same three charming lucky bastards who go out and ruin it for the rest of us.

I've known that for years.
Then I forgot.
And now I remember again.
And remembering that most women are just as shallow as me is really annoying.

One snog, that's all I wanted. Just one. For two minutes. With a nice lady. Just to enjoy being single and meeting a likeminded person. Nothing too much to ask.
As teenagers, full penetrative sex was the Holy Grail. Now I have regressed to just wanting a kiss from someone pretty, like I was 14 again. And even that still totally escapes me, despite trying.

I hate you. You killed my Grandma and took my sister in her thrall. I was always anti you. Then one day I too learnt to love you and forgot the past. Now I can't give you up.

You're like some kind of drug.

Dating Websites.
You're shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
Great in principle: 'Hey, I'm single, you too, let's hook up!!', but shit in practice: 'We're all so desperately lonely and this is our last futile stab at happiness even if it is hopelessly clinical and forced and does nothing for spontaneity or fate.'

Plus all the women I like don't look at my profile in return.
Just like in real fucking life.

I don't phone my Mum or Dad that often.
I fell out with my Sister and have not spoken to her since March.
I've got to 32 and have acheived Fuck All. Large Older Flatmate talked about people with hideous disabilities in a bizarre attempt to cheer me up, but that just depressed me further.
I could be doing little things with my Sunday in preparation for the rest of the week but I can't be bothered.
I'm pining for ex-girlfriends because there's no-one else to think about.
I work with six men, and no women and I miss their company.
I should be buying Xmas presents, but instead I'm spending my cash on cigarettes, alcohol, ecstacy and Pringles.

Jim Davidson.
You racist fat fuck. I hope you get hit by an Eddie Stobart truck.

The News.
Child murder.
Society being split by bigotry, hatred, religious intolerance, homophobia, racism.
Terror plots.
Huw Edwards.

I can't take much more of this.


Shoshana said...

:( I hope things look up. If it makes you feel better, I'd MUCH rather work with men, women are very difficult to deal with in a work environment.

fwengebola said...

Yeah, great, huge consolation, thanks*

(*Massive sarcasm).

But thanks otherwise, though.

Anonymous said...

You miserable bastard. Take charge of your life... or don't! The choice is yours.

Anonymous said...

Mate, you should try learning Spanish. The fucking verb tables are a nightmare, and I've got a test on it all tomorrow... now that's pain! All I really know is me llamo Hobo or soy Hobo. All that in seven weeks. Pathetic! Utterly pathetic!

fwengebola said...

That's it? I'm debating the very meaning of my existance and all you can think of is 'At least you're not learning Spanish'?

I'm going to spend all this week drunk, I think.

Anonymous said...

Sat sri akal Earth-hater, I still believe you're brillant and talented! I think I've become a giggling girlie fan!

fwengebola said...

Bless you, Anon. That's cheered me up no end. You've compelled me to surrepticiously type a response at work.

Anonymous said...

I will be drinking this week, if you need a drinking partner, particularly as I will have skipped my Spanish test by the time you read this. I need to really know what I am doing otherwise it is pointless. Verbs... it's always the verbs!

fwengebola said...

El Hobo, tomorrow night, Tuesday? Another crawl? Could be fun. I'm doing self-defence now and Weds night, and a quiz on Thurs, so that's my life sorted.


RaiseYourEyebrows said...

Giggling too.

fwengebola said...

Excellent, thank you. I am truly happy to be spreading so much pleasure whilst remaining a putz.

Mikey said...

Completely agree. Re: the News though I would draw your attention to an interview with Huw Edwards a while back wherein he said that sometimes he ignored the autocue and just made it up.

Just made it up!!

All that ghastly stuff might not be happening after all!

And they say the Welsh have no sense of humour.

Well, when I say 'they', I mean 'I'...

fwengebola said...

He makes it up???
'And on tonight's News, the Welsh - Why you must submit to us sexually and emotionally.'

It could happen.

luna said...

Booze,fags, and pills everybody does them but Good Lord , Pringles??
That's a rehab case surely.

Learning Spanish,what a brilliant idea!
Allowing you to connect and who knows date the sexy senoritas you keep eyeing up in bars and tube carriages.

If the Welsh can make up the news, the Jews can make up the verbs!

fwengebola said...

Pringles are addictive. It's a combination of salt, carbs and crack they sprinkle on them.
And we make up verbs now? What the hell's the world coming to?

luna said...

I meant Spanish verbs.You know, to chat up the Spanish.Or does ole ole arriba paella do it these days.

GirlDoesTokyo said...

Do you have a number/e-mail address for one or all of the "three charming lucky bastards"?

fwengebola said...

Oh hello, what are you doing down here?
I see the same three charming lucky bastards everywhere. Must be a male thing.

Seren said...

Sweetie I feel for you. Come join me on my travels. You can make me laugh while I make you miserable like all good creatures of the female gender.

Failing that, go learn the tango. It's sexy, you get to touch a woman and show her how manly you are with your mastery of deep dips and looking longingly at her. Who knows you might even meet someone.

fwengebola said...

This post is nearly 2 years old! I'd love to come with but I'd feel guilty for forcing Large Northern Flatmate out of this flat on a whim, plus I've travelled to run from reality before; Reality always wins.

But I could tango.

ABY said...


fwengebola said...