Thursday, November 23, 2006

The name's Ebola. Fweng Ebola.

The new Bond film is ruddy bloody brilliant.
It's that simple.
It's as true to the original Bond as Ian Fleming would've liked.

I've not been to work today, so I went for a cycle and a swim and got my haircut by the cute and intriguing Polish hairdresser with a shy smile (I used to think this was fear but I think I'm wrong. I gave her a two pound tip because she's cute and I'm trying to impress her through excessive service donations. And in the few months that I've been going there, her English has been improving, which I think is really sweet.)

Erm, so anyway, the new Bond.

He's blond.
He's blue-eyed.
He's not the most polished diamond in the mine.
He's fucking me, dammit, minus the really really really buff body.

And he gets into fights and walks away with scars - actual scars! His knuckles are bruised. He makes mistakes. He falls in love. He's the first Bond who can actually act. HIS OPENING 'GUN POINTING AT CAMERA' SHTICK IS DONE IN A TOILET - A BLOODY TOILET FOR GODSSAKES!!!

This is as raw as Bond can get, not that I've ever been a huge fan. The other Bonds were shit. Yes, even Connery.
If you walked up to a coiffured Pierce Brosnan's Bond in a casino and insulted him, he'd furrow his brow and look puffy and confused like a schoolgirl from the bowels of darkest Bristol.
Moore would slowly raise an eyebrow and say 'Good Heavens'.
Dalton would stiffen and slap you round the face with a white glove.
Lazenby - Who?
While Connery would be so egotistical about the whole insult thing that he'd probably try his damndest to ignore you, even if you jumped up and down and called him an ex-milkman no matter what direction he'd try and turn.

But Daniel Craig would break your fucking legs in front of everyone.

See this film immediately. The rule book has been ripped up. Ripped up and eaten, digested, shat out, composted and used to grow some real hard bastard flowers. No gadgets, no one-liners, zero campness, and Dame Judi Dench in such extreme soft focus, you'd never know she was 87.

It's returned to its book roots so much that I forgot I was watching a Bond movie. This still didn't prevent me from running out of the cinema with my hands folded into a gun.

I want to have sex with my hairdresser.


Michael said...

yes, I feel much the same way.

Except for the thinking that Daniel Craig looking like me part. I'm more of an out-of-shape Bruce Willis with a bit of a Nose.

What I liked most was the strangely non-linear plot, wherein The Person that you Do Not Expect to Die does just that when you least expect it.

Plus stuff happened more or less all the time.

If I have to watch one more film wherein Bill Murray just sits around looking like a fucking palsied bloodhound I think I might break. If I wanted real life I'd go to the shopping centre, not a cocking cinema.

So. In summation:

Casino Royale: Quite Good.

RaiseYourEyebrows said...

I was only reading but when I read this I signed in so I can comment.

I wanted him to be Bond so much. I also like Clive Owen but didn't want him to be Bond. Wrong.

Daniel Craig reminds me of Steve McQueen.

Think about it. Blue eyes, wide forehead. Short in stature. Glinty. Hard. Male. Got the look.

Can't wait to watch him rise out of the sea. He did do that didn't he in the opening scene.

Happy that he defied all the critics. He is the new Bond.

Thanks for this.

Anonymous said...

I haven't seen the film yet, but I do think Daniel Craig will make a very sexy and believable Bond.

However, I have to disagree about Connery. Of course he's arrogant and egotistical. He has every right to be. The ultimate sex object. Still is in my opinion. Made me want to be a Bond girl, despite the fact that he's, like, a million years older than me.

fwengebola said...

M - Stuff happened all the time except in the casino. They needed a narrator to tell the audience what was happening, FCS! Nonetheless, it cracks along and it truly is quite good, even if it does have a poor cameo in the Miami airport scene.

RYE - I too thought Clive Owen the natural choice if sticking with the Tried & Tested formula but my god what a way to twist things about. That man could be single-handedly responsible for making my pale hide fashionable.

LFM - Yep, Connery did have sex appeal, if a little boorish and 1960s. And lets not forget he liked to slap his wife about, allegedly, thus making Connery a bit of a cunt.
This has nothing to do with his Bond but a lot to do with me thinking him something of a dinosaur.

Anonymous said...

Okay, point taken. Slapping one's wife about may in fact make one a bit of a cunt. I retract my statement.

I wholeheartedly look forward to admiring only the pale hide of Daniel Craig in my future Bond-based fantasies.

I wonder how he'd look in a beard?

Ordinary Girl said...

Saw it last night and absolutely agree that this is a completely different style of Bond indeed! And in a way I guess it had to be. I thought it was great, although a bit too extreme in places for a 12A, and too much of the damn love stuff. They could have easily cut 20mins from that and left the same value. But all in all I am impressed! (Though still not fancying Daniel Craig!)

Shoshana said...

Can we be expected Fweng Ebola to be starring in the next James Bond flick? Demonstrating to the world what James Bond should be all about? Hope you're having a good weekend, maybe even with some cool chicks!

fwengebola said...

LFM - He'd probably look better in a beard. It would hide that strange jawline.

OG - I'm glad you liked it and you're right. I think we're getting older as I too thought it was excessive for a 12A. That chair/ knotted rope scene? Blimey.

Shosh, the only cool chicks I've been in contact with were in the freezer section of Tescos. This is actually true.

Shoshana said...

What's Tescos?

fwengebola said...

A large supermarket chain.

Mike said...

Logging into a very old thread, Craig was awesome as Bond.

I actually think Lazenby could have pulled it off, with his background. Pity his agent was such a cockbag and convinced him to drop the contract.

As to Craig in a beard, isn't he going to have one in Golden Compass?

fwengebola said...

Mike, how fortuitous, for I have, in the last two days, just bought Casino Royale on DVD, such was my enjoyment of it. With such fond memories of the movie, I'll probably hate it the second time round.
I didn't realise Lazenby's agent told him to drop the part. I didn't think he was that bad a Bond in that one movie. Plus it had a cracking tune courtesy of the LSO.
As far as I can fathom from the Golden Compass behemoth (one poster I saw in yesterday's newspaper), Craig does indeed have a beard and I am now discussing such mundane trivialities that I will have to kill myself.

Mike said...

I'm overall very impressed with CR. They finally did Bond right--a sociopathic asshole who is only "good" because he has sanction.

The extended dallying with his babe could have been shortened, but no major complaints otherwise. They even got most of the weapons right, which is impressive, given how they almost never do.

I haven't seen OHMSS in years, but if you look on Youtube you can find the gunbarrel sequence--drop to one knee, minimize profile and shoot. You can tell that this actor, a former instructor for the Aussie SAS, actually knows how to use a pistol.