Monday, October 30, 2006

Trying to get laid

This isn't going well. It's Monday. The clocks have gone back and it's got darker earlier. Plus I have a cold and I look like shit.

I didn't cycle in so I put on some decent clothes and got the tube. The tube is quite nice when you don't take it regularly. I looked the least miserable this morning despite feeling rubbish. I read the free Metro and checked out the women. I must say it's most liberating becoming a Gad About Town, plus my semi-smart jacket and jeans combo makes me look less like a useless slob and more smart casual.

I fell apart at work though. I took my entire lempsip allocation in the morning, my eyes kept tearing over and I swore at a cuntstomer and she heard.

But on the tube on the way home I checked out a cute girl in best not-staring-menacingly mode, and she stared back. Not only did I not fluster, but I didn't go red.

I wasn't able to smile though. I can never do that in public to a stranger.

Oh Christ on a BMX, I'm going to die alone.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sat Sri Akal earth-hater!!! Loving your work as usual. I hope you meet someone nice soon, but I also don't want you to be too happy because I believe the genius of your writing depends on you being miserable. Selfish cow that I am!!
Anyway I hope you feel better soon. To treat colds my family drinks spicy Indian tea. If you are interested you need to boil some water in a pan and add a pinch of the following; cloves,dried cardimom, cinnamum powder and fennel seeds. Let it boil for a few moments and chuck in a tea bag. After a few minutes add enough milk to your liking and let it simmer for a couple of minutes. Pour it into a mug through a tea strainer and add sugar to taste. You might not like it but its supposed to be really good at helping you get over a cold. I'm sure you can get the ingredients at Tesco's!!
I look forward to the next installment of your blog! Take care.

fwengebola said...

That sounds amazing, Anon. And it reminded me that I forgot I could legitimately drink a medicinal Hot Toddy; Cloves, Honey, Whiskey and something else - probably more whiskey. But I'm feeling better, dammit!

luna said...

try practicing smiling at yourself in the mirror with a pic of Angelina Jolie stuck to it.

fwengebola said...

Funnily enough, Angelina Jolie once walked past me about ten feet away. I was at do at the - crap, what's that hotel, The Dorchester? - standing outside and having a fag, when a very very very good Angelina Jolie lookalike walked in, nodded at the doorman as she did so. She was even carrying a cute Oriental toddler, just like Ms Jolie's adopted sprog, further adding to the uncanny resemblance.

luna said...

And the Pitt??What about the Pitt??
I once scavenged some blown up paparazzi pics of him outside a Soho media joint.
I brought them to ballet class and the teacher stuck the best one to the wall in front of us and bidded us pirouette and cheese smile at him.
Worked a treat.

fwengebola said...

They weren't dating then.

Ballet? (snigger)