I can't play and I never liked it.
Therefore it is quite odd that I am about to travel up to Northampton in a moment to get to a sports centre - I have heard of these places once before - to don a kit and participate in Kicking More Balls Into Netted Structure Than The Other Lot.
I am out of shape and prepared myself for today by getting accidentally pissed last night and smoking far too much. I now feel fucking terrible. I am about to become part of a team. I am also about to become its weakest link.
I wish I was sporty. My tar-clad lungs are making breathing difficult. I can't imagine myself running right now. The eleven strangers I'm about to play against will be under the false assumption that I know what I'm doing. At least my teammates know I'm just there to make up numbers and NOT TO PASS TO ME UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, even if we're 18-nil down and I'm standing next to the opposing goal jumping up and down and waving.