Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Fix my taps, you bastard

The taps* have gone in our kitchen. Not the mains or something more technical, just the water from the taps.

It's been over a week and still nothing has been done. We're having to drink bathroom water. Yesterday I washed my mushrooms in the shower, which sounds like a dodgy euphamism but is actually an accurate account of my current food preparation.

The delay has been caused because our ruthlessly greedy cunt of a landlord uses only the cheapest odd-jobbers, who happen to be lazy and inept and don't turn up. The original complaint was that the taps were dripping constantly, so Cheap Landlord initially summoned Errand Boy round to attempt to fix it for free. Errand Boy then duly broke the fucker and ran.

We're soooo gonna lose our deposits on spurious Wear and Tear technicalities, it's not even funny.

(*Faucet, Americans.)


Anonymous said...

Hi, I hear you. My landlord is a bastard too. Keep the faith. I enjoy your use of the word 'cuntstomer' which I will use in future to describe my interactions with similarly dipshitted-brained peoples. Am saving that word to the memory bank and linking to your blog to stay tuned. etc.


fwengebola said...

Please do link away. These little things are personal triumphs.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, will do. It's all about the personal triumphs. PS so nice to read about an Englishman who's not obsessed with football; you're a rare breed. Ever thought about taking up netball? My team needs a good Wing Attack.


fwengebola said...

A Wing Attack is something I do in Nandos.

And I've just 'discovered' football. At 32. I've even bought the boots.

Dave said...

I have also linked to you because your love for all humanity is inspiring. Plus, you have cyberaffairs with women who have read my book. said...

(argh why when you switch accounts from pissing google to BLOGGER WHICH IS WHAT YOU WANTED does it delete your message?)


Surfed in from TiredDad for I too was worried he shaved his pubes.

I like your stuff :) not your mushrooms, but your writing.


And now for the tricky letter recognition. Wish me luck.

Anonymous said...

When you're not too busy 'discovering' football, can you please write some digs on Australians, South Africans and Norwegians? Thanks!

fwengebola said...

Dave - I love humanity. I am also constantly amazed by it; Dying for religion, the simple beauty of a smile, Internet dating, porn.

BG - Well done, you did it. And god bless you for the warm words. You are welcome to stop me working any day.

Anon - I will eventually get back to my racist stereotyping, and you'll be pleased to know I have plenty to say about those 3 countries. (Sort of, in Norway's case). Except I'm doing it in a pseudo-geographical, and lazy way.

luna said...

We share the same landlord.
Thanks the Union for the Poles.