'I Hate The Earth' is somewhat of a misnomer. I don't, in fact, hate this rather pleasant planet. I am just pissed off with its human inhabitants. From overpaid football stars, the Famous for being Famous, devoutly religious murderers, the besuited fuckwits who make money from misery, even loudmouth Chavs with an almighty chip on their scraggy malnourished shoulder, they all deserve, well, hatred. Most of them, anyway.
I am a bastard cyclist, and I too am worthy of hatred. I jump reds. I weave through stationary lines of traffic to - dare I say it - reach the front because I can. And this evening, on my way home, I did just that, overtaking a line of vehicles as I approached a stationary 4x4 that was facing me trying to turn into a side road on the other side of the queue. Seeing me coming, and with nowhere for her to go, the 4x4 pointlessly edged further towards the car door she faced to block my path. Stopping to squeeze through, I shook my head slightly, almost imperceptibly. And for this slight, as I took a look at her behind her enormous leathery wheel from within her reinforced cocoon, she mouthed me a single word; 'Cunt'.
And that's why I Hate the Earth.