Saturday, September 23, 2006


I kinda like the guy, in the same way I kinda like Travis Bickle, Alan Partridge, Tony Soprano, and Larry David, except God's not half as funny as He is edgy and dangerous.

Barring the latter, all these people have something in common with God too. They're all fictional, like Zeus, Amun Ra, Odin, and the fucking tooth fairy. I sincerely apologise in advance if any wandering souls have popped in and found this offensive, but how can civilised man (or women) possibly believe in His existance in this world? The world of Rwanda where over three-quarters of a million people were slaughtered in under four months? Earth, the happy home of the Holocaust, where eleven million were murdered in under a decade? And that's not including a potential 51 million additional people killed during WWII. God, caring after a spinning ball in space where an already loaded Paris Hilton can find fame, wealth and immense fortune despite being blessed with
A-B-S-O-L-U-T-E-L-Y F-U-C-K-I-N-G N-O-T-H-I-N-G at all?

Hilton: Proof that there isn't a God.

There has simply never been any proof of his existence in any shape or form whatsoever yet He is still used by man to justify the most horrendous actions imaginable. And today, thanks to a gang of delusional psycopaths who chose to fly human-laden planes into two immense buildings thronged with people, we find ourselves back in the Stone Age when we knew no better.

To the ancients walking in the deserts of the Middle East - the birthplace of the God we know and love today - it makes sense that He grew in prominence if we contextualise it. Several thousand years ago, we knew nothing of Science, of why and how, of DNA, of evolution, of elements or compounds or weather systems. Walking alone in the eerie silence of these deserts, a simple thunderstorm miles from the nearest settlement must have been profoundly awe-inspiring. And more so if something political had happened; an overthrow of power, an alliance, a priestly decree. God is unhappy. Maybe God knows you masturbate and we all know He hates waste. God is Bigger and Badder and More Powerful than you could possibly imagine. And I'm not surprised. I still don't have the foggiest how a thunderstorm happens beyond something to do with hot and cold air. To your average sage, or mystic, or Joseph Public, this must have been one hell of a sign.

And that's just a fucking thunderstorm.

Rock: Proof of humanity.

I'm Jewish - yet clearly atheist - and totally comfortable with my stance. I've had my bacon for breakfast (to paraphrase Chris Rock, "I don't see how, come the Day of Judgement, my diet will come into question." Unlike most religions, I am considered a race (certainly that is my legal status in Britain, like Sikhs), so I can be racially Jewish and religiously free. Sadly, all religions are a nonsense, including mine ~ Ancient, anti-women, anti-gay, pro-violence 'We're right and you're wrong' hodge-podge of rules and ordinances and man-made controls.

Don't get me wrong. I'm sure they started with the best of intentions. I like to think that Judaism, as it's part of me, is morally decent at its core. But as God is also at its core, I can't rationalise it. I'd no sooner put my faith in a fiction that is God than I would in Pepsi Cola or Apple.

But I do want to say this about Jews being the 'Chosen People': It sounds arrogant. It sounds as if they think themselves a people apart who are better than everyone else. The truth is much simpler if, again, you put it into context. Going back to Moses c.1300BC, having been born some 300 years after Abraham, people were pretty much worshipping everything. The Egyptians were into a whole multitude of Gods. The Romans, 600 years later, had their own deities. There were Sun worshippers, Moon worshippers, fire worshippers. The Jews were just another group from those lands with their own set of beliefs who have only just managed to exist to this day. (Who is that one Afghani Jew, and is he ok?) They just happened to believe in a single God, a Big Daddy who rules the roost. When they talked of being His chosen people, they were saying to the cat fans and the Sun worshippers all around them, 'Hey, He's the Hombre here'. Jews were simply one of the first to believe in a single human-like entity when everyone else didn't. Many years later, when Christians and Muslims appeared, following this same God trend, the Chosen People thing must have seemed a tad precocious, ergo - mistrust and war to this day, hooray! But at no point do Jews - and certainly not myself - consider themselves better than anyone else. They simply chose God when such a concept was New and Zany and Fresh!

Shame He doesn't exist.

Old guy: Black, Jewish, and proud. Probably.

But I do envy the religious. When life is throwing its worst at us, unemployment, break-ups, even death, they fall back on God. Those jammy, devout bastards. "It's a test", they'll say. "He only does this because He knows I can handle it." At no point do they think "Why, you fucking bastard?" because that would be really blasphemous. For them, a world that isn't actually in the hands of something Divine is too awful to contemplate. For the rest of us, we know that 'Shit Happens', to make the best of it, to improve as human beings and get on with life as best as possible, because There's No Other Option.

I've only scratched the surface of this. I will return to rant another day.

Pros: Keeps people in line.
Cons: Ignites wars. Stifles free thought. Suppresses women. Hates queers. Creates divisions. Kills.


Anonymous said...

Your site is so good!! I found it by accident a few days ago and I keep coming back to it to see what's new. I really like your style of writing and I am thoroughly entertained! Well done.

fwengebola said...

Much appreciated, thank you. And if you happen to know any publicists...

luna said...

A lone God to worship: it was more economical.

luna said...

Let's have faith: the Hilton might be found towards the end of her life an incoherent toothless hag begging on King's Cross for a lipstick stub.
Will you believe then?