Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Computer Printers

Evil, plastic, spiteful, vindictive fucks. Every one I've ever used has shamelessly turned on me in an inanimate emotionless kind of way, like all my previous girlfriends. If I went to bed with a printer there is no doubt in my mind that it would be a selfish lover - and demand I sleep in the ink patch.

The printer at work has decided to add a splash of colour to our lives by printing everything in duo-tone instead of the world standard black on white. Nothing we've done has brought this on. All our documents print in black and blue, randomly.

I called the Hewlett-Packard helpline who helpfully informed me that our warranty ran out last Monday, so tough. I wasted so much time trying to fix the fucker this afternoon that I had to spend a few hours after work to catch up on the day job. And eventually I got it working. I found its little printer genitals and kicked it in the bollocks.

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