Evil, plastic, spiteful, vindictive fucks. Every one I've ever used has shamelessly turned on me in an inanimate emotionless kind of way, like all my previous girlfriends. If I went to bed with a printer there is no doubt in my mind that it would be a selfish lover - and demand I sleep in the ink patch.
The printer at work has decided to add a splash of colour to our lives by printing everything in duo-tone instead of the world standard black on white. Nothing we've done has brought this on. All our documents print in black and blue, randomly.
I called the Hewlett-Packard helpline who helpfully informed me that our warranty ran out last Monday, so tough. I wasted so much time trying to fix the fucker this afternoon that I had to spend a few hours after work to catch up on the day job. And eventually I got it working. I found its little printer genitals and kicked it in the bollocks.